Malapropisms, etc.

We had a lovely old neighbour who described any attractive landscape scene as 'pictureskew' , and would remark darkly 'Let's just call it tepelathy!' at any appropriate coincidence.

Ages ago my poor old MIL (always hopeless with names) was told that DH and I were going to buy a new sofa. She asked us if we'd been to MI5?

My friend was discussing Indian takeaways with a friend of hers. Her friend said "Oh I love Indian food; my favourite is chicken tigger".

When my Nan was alive I had taken her to a carnival, I asked if she had enjoyed it and she said it was ok but far too many " maisonettes".

An older woman I remember from my childhood (she was probably younger than I am now!) once described someone as suffering from "shitsofrenzia." She also once said she saw a field full of penguins when she meant magpies!

A friend's mother used to sleep in a 'divine' bed and substituted the word 'turbine' for 'turban'.

A friend of mine often referred to another friend as being a very “articulated” person.

A lady I used to work with years ago who suffered from tinnitus......used to always say it's me tittinus playing up agen!

My aunt was wonderful at malapropisms:
Hypodeemic Nurdle.
Strawberries come in a plunket.
She wanted to know where Lesbia was, as she'd seen graffiti saying 'Mary Poppins is a lesbian'
A dirty old uncle 'grabbed me on the goolies'
It was never a dull moment with her around!

We miss my MIL's howlers. She went for a walk down to the village and passed an old house which was in a state of disrepair. When she came back she said it was a shame it was so 'defatigated'. She watched me trying to work out how make curtain tie backs from a piece of cord and when I finally worked it out she announced, 'She's mesmerised it!'. Happy times.

My MiL thought that fornicator meant liar or cheat. In Her opinion every one was out to cheat her. Including, postman, electrictions. Plumbers etc. When my SIL heard her she told her what it meant. My MiL was so Victorian that she was horrified

My mother could never get the hang of 'bifocals'. She said 'boficals' or 'fibocals'. She knew she always had it wrong, and we had many laughs about it

We have bi-fold doors and constantly refer to them as bifocals

An old friend was talking about his new neighbours - "They're quite nice. She goes to work every day and puts the baby in a quiche ...."

My MIL had open heart surgery and insisted that the surgeon had cracked open her scrotum! My DH had to take her to one side and tell her that it was impossible and that it was sternum.

I love all of these!

I like 'defatigated', think I might adopt that one.

My mother used to get all the old saying wrong my favorite was when she told my brother, who was moaning about his job in engineering being dirty. Where there is muck there is dirt. and a person how took photographs was a toefografer....

Husbands friend was in hospital with a connery.He liked documentaries about murder and forscenics.

I love all of these on this thread!

My first husband worked for IBM and my grandma told everyone that he worked for the FBI.

My German mother used to ask for "dedicated coconut" and use hot water from the "emergency heater."

I love all of these on this thread!

Oops - how did I put that twice?!

I saw one on an Australian site on FB yesterday apparently a driver was "sweating bullets"

musicelf DH used to work for IBM and DSs are convinced he worked for the CIA, but that is because he is hopeless at anything technical!

When my DGS1 was born DD said she needed "muslims" had to point out they were actually called muslins, I can't describe the picture in my mind

As a child we always parked the car in a "Par Cark"