HOW YOU LIFE CAN CHANGE IN A MATTER OF HOURS

I think maybe you hit the nail on the head and they did not like it and reacted badly but to be honest it really is not your business and you should not have said it.
Think it maybe but not say it .
It's a rule I stick to and it works well. I
Don't do anything yet it may all blow over and they need you for school holiday cover.

My DMIL's instinctive reaction to the news that I was expecting DC3 was "But you can't afford three children!". I was in a good mood that day and just rolled my eyes and laughed. On a bad day I would have stormed out. I'm sure she regretted the words as soon as she said them, and she was a fantastic grandma to all our children! As others have said, things may well look different when the waters have settled.

Try not to let it get you down. I do know that's easier said than done though. Things might be very different this time next week.

Travelsafar i m so sorry, your stomach must be churning
if you ve always got on well with your daughter in law then either you hit a nerve, or expressed it clumsily, or came across as reprimanding her I would definitely take a break and send an heartfelt apology explaining that you probably spoke out of turn and will not say any more
Let’s hope it was a knee jerk reaction by her and time will calm her down
Good luck

Have known DIL over 18years and never fallen out in the past watermeadow thats why it has hit me so hard.

Sorry you've had this blow but probably it will pass as you haven't got a history of falling out with DIL.
Every time I hear police and ambulance sirens wailing I think, "Somebody's life has just ended, or changed forever, and the lives of all their family too."
This row shouldn't last long if you handle it right.

Tincture of time should work its magic. Sorry. Gone all metaphorical there. I mean it's all very soon after a bit of a blow up. I'm sure that they'll calm down and be glad to get your relationship with them back on an even keel. I remember having a big row with my parents when expecting my second baby. We just cut contact for a few weeks. I didn’t see them again until the day the baby was born. Things were OK after that but I suspect they bit their tongues a bit. Good luck!

What a sad situation for you. I am not surprised you are feeling so distressed.

Maybe write an apology - say you were out of order and state very clearly that you know that they have the right as adults to deal with their finances, and indeed their lives, as they see fit. And that you have no intention of making such a comment in future. Tell them it has been a hard lesson, but that you love them all dearly and want more than anything to restore good relations.

It can do no harm.

Could you perhaps think another way about the opinion you expressed?
Instead of thinking "all I did was express an opinion" could you instead think "I expressed an opinion and they found it really hurtful even though I didn't mean it that way, perhaps I should apologise"
Sometimes something is said which really touches a nerve, and people over react, particularly as others have said, if you caught them at a bad moment.

Oh, travelsafar. I'm so sorry to hear about this, and I hope the situation will resolve itself given a bit of time. How was your relationship in general before this happened? Perhaps you did just catch them at a bad moment, or hit a nerve, as happened with Marydoll.

Thank you to everyone who taken time to respond.My head is all over the place at the moment so i think the idea of taking a little time is wise i am too upset to actually speak to them i think i would just cry.

I'm so sorry. travelsfar, I know that sick feeling from different life issues, it will pass but it's horrible while it's there. Others will be better placed than I to give advice but I hope it helps to be listened to and to know others feel for you. I don't know what I would do in your shoes other than try to be kind to myself, seek as much support as I could and leave the door open to my family. Maybe give it a couple of weeks and message or send a card to both your son and daughter in law, tell them you love them both and ask if a chat with them both together is possible. I'm not sure if you live alone or if you have a partner or husband, if so could they or another trusted family member perhaps mediate? Don't give up, it's very early days and change is possible.

I am so sorry to hear this Travelasfar.
A very long time ago, a similar thing happened with my MIL. She made a remark about my DH and I having plenty of money, when in fact we were struggling badly. Unknown to her I was struggling with post natal depression, her innocent comment triggered something in me, I completely lost it and stormed out of the house because I took offence.
Sometimes, as seemingly innocent comment can be the catalyst to open the floodgates of some other underlying worry.
It took weeks for me to go back and apologise and for the first time ever, my MIL opened her arms and hugged me.
Please take a step back and give everyone time to calm down.
I am sure you will be able to resolve this.

I'm sorry you've had this falling out with your family travelasfar hopefully things will calm down soon and you can build bridges. Try not to stress too much and don't let it grow in your mind to be worse than it is. Make the first move if necessary to keep the lines of communication open. Good luck.

travelsafar I am so sorry. Whatever the source of disagreement that sparked this, it seems sadly extreme and so hurtful. I hope that there can be further communication between you that will help to mend things in time. But perhaps you all need a little distance just to process what has happened. Try to be gentle with yourself and not to let 'worst case scenarios' play on your mind too much. Sometimes things need to be aired. Let the lovely people here support you and give yourself time to look at what happened as objectively as possible. There will be many who can empathise with the raw hurt you are feeling, but it may yet have a better outcome than you fear.