Bruised. What would you do?

It's hard isn't it. My gd has mental health issues. She's been better since she left school which she hated and gone to 6th form college and has medication.
My heart goes out to those people that have to deal with it.
I know when we go to CAMHS that wesee some kids out of control and they are very young ones.
My gd used to throw things, scream and push us.
Fingers crossed she's keeps well, but you never know.

Talk to your manager - who has a duty of care towards you.
What are the consequences of the behaviour for the children? Remember however disabled the child is they can still be naughty.
What training have you had?
How close are other colleagues who could/should assist
Do you have any facility to call for help?
Actually you do not have to put up with that in any setting.

All a matter of personal choice. Any person who has mental health problems is potentially a danger to others and to be a mental health worker requires an appreciation of that. My mother at 91 has advanced dementia and regularly scratches her carers, attempts to kick them, and will bite. She has no other form of communication and especially if they are hurting her (not intentionally) the only way she can tell them to leave her alone is to retaliate. A sad fact of life. When she digs her nails into me, I no longer pull away, but let it happen as I usually find that the impulsive urge to express herself subsides very quickly when she no longer feels a threat. Remove the threat, and the situation improves.

Leave. I think the reason you are even asking this question of yourself is that you really want to. Perhaps you feel guilty wanting to leave such a worthwhile job,or feel you would be deserting the children. Thing is,we none of us are expendable. Also you have to be physically pretty fit to cope with a child who is out of control. Now you are older do you think you are? Would you have asked yourself this question some years ago?. Perhaps you could tell yourself that you would be vacating the job for someone younger and stronger.
Do something else or stay at home having done your 'bit'... but go.

OP, you say you're in work , are you in a union? Before you give up your livelihood, I'd speak to them. You might end up leaving but they could help you leave with the correct pension rights, settlements etc. If you paid for the service, do use it. What have you got to loose?

I would discuss this with your team leader....are the rest of your colleagues in the same situation as you are? It really depends on how this will make you feel ( maybe resentful if you stay....dissatisfied if you leave. ) I think it takes a lot of compassion to work with people who have these type of problems, so can see why you are in a dilemma. Is there anyway you could cut back on your hours enough to still feel like you are enjoying the job but spending plenty more time away from it. That would give much more time for you to pursue other things like hobbies, but still doing a fulfilling job.

Caramac.My advice to any person suffering abuse, when caring for the mentally ill as to whether they should leave this kind of work is, if you have to ask then it is time to go.
I admire your dedication to a profession many of us could not or would not take on and if it were not for people like yourself we would be back in the days of the work house which would not bear thinking about.
You like working and earning money which indicates you are not ready to just put your feet up. There is work that involves the care of others but without the trauma you are at present subjected to.

My DGS has autism. He can lash out at any time with hands, feet, teeth or head, and anything he can lift to throw. His meltdowns are more dangerous as he gets bigger and stronger, and his parents and myself have to be constantly alert to his mood and behaviour. None of us want to be in this situation but we cannot leave it .'

I have one further question to ask, how would you feel if you carried on working & suddenly your DH was no longer alive (heart attack, accident etc) for you to enjoy your Retirement together .

I took Early Retirement at 50 as my DH had Retired (at 65) & his health wasn't good, we had 7 years together before his death. I was a Widow at 57.

I would not be putting myself in a position where within my job I was suffering daily bruising although I do understand it probably comes with the territory.

If the OP does want to continue in her job, better strategies are obviously the key. No personal experience but I've heard good things about this company, which might also be of use to anyone else struggling to manage difficult situations.

de-escalate.com/#training

Like MCEM, I retired early from teaching when the stress of OFSTED, management, observations, abusive parents, the demands of overwhelming data and administration all became too much. The children, though increasingly belligerent, were not part of the problem but were very rewarding to teach and constituted the best bit of the job.

However, since I left six years ago I have not regretted it for one single minute. I don't have any spare money at all but I don't care.

I was in the Prison Service for 15 years so was involved in many physical altercations. There were ramifications for their actions tho and a rigid network of support for staff. I could not have done the job if issues were not addressed.

Having also worked in this field for a time, firstly with Cat. 3 children in a special school ....we had training and refresher courses every year ....plus anti tetanus injections in case of biting ......and training on restraint techniques ...as obviously we also had three sheets of 'instructions' in case of violence .....such as if a child cuts itself or is badly injured we were not to touch it but summon the school nurse ...but then had to hope the parent had signed consent for any treatment ...this included emergency treatment, or the need for an ambulance ( always struck me as a bit odd....if my child had been injured at a school I would have hoped help would have been summoned even if they couldn't get hold of me to consent !! ...I suppose this reflects the compensation culture !) We also had a rule whereby if possible, no member of staff should be alone with a child ...again, if a child went home with bruising and a parent complained, a witness could verify the child had fallen etc in the playground ..... and also, you should notify the headteacher as well as your Union rep .a lot of people dislike Unions but working in that environment it safeguards you as well !

Personally, I think I would look round for another job ...maybe in the same field, but not hands on . Your child CPN teams may have an opening for assistance with children, or child and family therapy centre ....play centres for vulnerable children, contact centres for separated parents to have supervised access, etc ....ask a specialist child psychiatric unit ,,,or try your local MIND ..adults service but they will know what else is out there

but ...overall, no one knows what tomorrow brings, so I would be inclined to retire and spend some quality time with your husband and family ...It sounds as if you have done your bit, and you should still be eligible for a lump sum payment and a local authority pension when you reach the scheme's pensionable age !

Good luck with your decision !

Agree with many of the points made, especially by EmilyHarburn and VIOLETTE. Good luck

Caramac, first of all, what a good job there are people like you in the world. I take my hat off to all who take on such a career path. Your job is worthwhile, lots of us, me included wouldn't be up to it. Having said that, I would speak to your Line Manager, who must suffer as you do, also the Union, giving them the reason for you wanting to leave. How any one can restrain another person with all the restraints you have is beyond me, people who say they can and do not live in the real world. I would like them to show me how. Retire, you have earnt it, if you want another job less physically denmanding you can get one. Life is really too short to take any sort of abuse as you do.


and to the if you are in one,

Dear Caramac,

It's a difficult dilemma. I've had to leave a job this year as a major operation didn't go right and I sooooo miss my job. I wonder if there's a similar role you can take on, perhaps in a more managerial capacity where you would still be with children, but not abused by them. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Caramac
I also worked with challenging and troubled children because I wanted to, not because I had to.
On one occasion a very violent child, who had been cornered by two other staff members, stamped on my foot which had two semi-healed stress fractures. You can imagine the pain. This was the last straw for me, as we were often at the mercy of these children with little support from management or health professionals.
My boss' reaction: "What had we done to upset the child?" He was furious when I asked to fill out a "Violence against staff form" and someone came from headquarters to investigate. You see we were discouraged from complaining as it would make the school look "bad".
There was so little support for many children whom I'm sure had mental health issues. Two of my former pupils committed suicide, one only last week. It's heartbreaking.
However, I continued to work in that area of teaching, as few people were willing to do that kind of job.
In the end it affected my underlying health issues and I was forced to retire. Your body can only take so much.
If I were you, I would leave while your health was still good and enjoy a happy retirement with your husband.
I retired very reluctantly, but it turned out to be the best thing to do.

I agree with Marydoll and others caramac who say, time to go.You have done a great job for a long time, one which not everybody is cut out for either, but now have some time for yourself.You will have to retire at some point anyway, so there will always come a time when you will leave.?

Why not leave this stressful job, enjoy a break & if you feel like it ,later on get a part time job doing something different that doesn't involve stress, or do voluntary work , such as citizens advice, counselling etc

I hope this has been helpful Caramac. I am interested in the different replies, which reflect the conflict you described in your post.
To me, it sounds as if your husband's response to the stress of your work is 'leave, I'll support you financially' when maybe (?) what you want is 'how can I help you get the support you need to deal with this stressful job, which you so clearly love?'
Having spent a working lifetime in the NHS, I recognise those responses. Many nurses, social workers, teachers, police, firefighters, paramedics etc. will say their spouses 'just don't get it' which is why we so often marry each other!
I wonder if the '3rd way' suggested by a few posters would be your way to keep close to the job you love without the stress. I would add that whilst voluntary work works well for a lot of people in this situation, be aware that it doesn't always.
I hope that the posts have helped you think this through.

I work as a Support Worker for young adults with mental health/physical and learning disabilities. Despite having extensive PBM training, there isn't a week go by that my colleagues and I don't compare 'war' wounds. Only in the last week, I've had a right belter across my face, two bites, a slap and a pinch whilst doing PC (personal care). We have extensive care plans for each person, and one generally knows their triggers, but given the nature of the work we do, we just take it as given, the rewards outweigh the downsides. Whilst I know I'm not quite past it yet, I don't think it'll be too long before I'm going to have to give it up, as I don't think I'll be able to manage the physicality of it much longer xx

I would leave. In my experience managers and unions don't care as you should be 'used to it' and it makes the business look bad. If they cared they'd have addressed it years ago as it's happening to many others.

A friend of mine has just left a job where she was often hit by residents of the care home where she worked. She is now working part time in a Home Bargains shop, on the tills, which she enjoys very much.

Thank you all so much for your responses. I've had a few days away and had some time to think.
I want to say that SMT have acknowledged it's a particularly difficult period and have put extra, experienced staff in to support so we are not lone working. We do have regular training in de escalation but this can't always be achieved quickly when a child is in crisis.
I can honestly say I have never felt the need to retaliate nor seen any staff do so. The assaults are not personal and demonstrate the level of stress/frustration/emotional pain the child is suffering.
By working term time I can help suppprt DD's with childcare and things like swimming lessons for DGC.
My decision is to continue to work, this difficult period won't last forever and to keep looking for other opportunities.
Thank you Gransnetters

Thank you for updating us, Caramac, and thank you for doing this job. Make sure you keep looking after yourself!