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Is it just me?

(34 Posts)
sunseeker Fri 20-Oct-17 08:36:37

I am posting less and less on Gransnet because so many threads become acrimonious. Am I the only one who can't understand why people can't have a discussion without resorting to insults - we are a very varied group, we will have differing views. I understand people can be very passionate about things but it does nothing for their point of view when a discussion sinks to insults. I was raised to believe that the person who resorts to insults has lost the argument. By all means put across your point of view but please accept there will be those who disagree with it and are entitled to do so.

Teetime Fri 20-Oct-17 09:47:56

No not just you sunseeker I often think of giving up on it altogether. If these people were all in a room together surely they would have a discussion without insulting each other so why do it on here. I think its so rude. Anyway Good Morning to you - I hope you have a nice day. flowers

Oldwoman70 Fri 20-Oct-17 09:49:42

I agree completely. I think it is such a shame because GN can be, and often is, very supportive. Like you I tend to avoid some threads simply because I don't want to get involved in name calling and insults.

annodomini Fri 20-Oct-17 09:51:35

I've been here almost since the beginning and used to contribute to controversial threads, but that was in the days when there could be friendly 'agree to differ' discussions. Now I just lookd for friendly threads if possible.

grannyactivist Fri 20-Oct-17 09:53:50

Me too. sad

Mapleleaf Fri 20-Oct-17 09:57:25

Very true, Sunseeker. There is no need to be rude and insulting if you disagree with another's view. Definitely say if you disagree about something, but be careful of how you say it. Another problem, of course, is that this method of communication gives the reader no clue of the writers facial expressions and other non verbal cues when they are putting their point across. Things can look and be perceived differently when face to face. But yes, we do need to try to be aware of how things might come across and be interpreted when on line. This is not always very easy and sometimes a reply might be given on impulse and regretted later. Please don't stop posting, though, Sunseeker.

durhamjen Fri 20-Oct-17 09:57:53

This must be about the fifth thread started on this topic in the last couple of months.
Don't you read each others threads?

Oldwoman70 Fri 20-Oct-17 09:59:49

Perhaps if there were less insulting posts there would be no need for several threads about them

Mapleleaf Fri 20-Oct-17 10:08:42

durhamjen, I'm afraid that came across as a bit rude and sarcastic - or were you, perhaps, being tongue in cheek ! See my comment about remarks being perceived differently on line to when face to face.?.

Nanabilly Fri 20-Oct-17 10:10:39

I have lost count of the times I have typed a response and some of them quite lengthy ones and then not posted them because of some nasty posts from some people. I just cant be bothered with it to be truthful.
I can't believe that a load of grannies can be so vile to each other at times.
I tell myself too stay away but then find myself saying "just give it a bit more time" though I think I will eventually disappear.

Elegran Fri 20-Oct-17 10:20:31

I am assuming that you posted that as an example, DJ, (at 09:57:53) to illustrate what the OP meant?

MissAdventure Fri 20-Oct-17 12:26:07

It isn't just you. I just try to assume that those who are rude or patronising haven't been bought up well enough to realise how to speak to others. Shame though, and it does make me post less.

LadyGracie Fri 20-Oct-17 12:33:51

The most innocent remark is often picked up and ridiculed by some. There seem to be some very bitter people on gransnet, one person comes up time and time again, I think she must do it as a hobby, let’s see how nasty we can be today!

maryeliza54 Fri 20-Oct-17 12:41:24

I thought oh no not again when I saw this thread - what is it that you need to moan and criticise about other posts that you don’t agree with? Why should everything be sweetness and light on here? What threads are you thinking about particularly? Define insulting? Don’t you just mean robust or not agreeing with you? Why should you decide how you want this forum to be like? Why not ignore contentious threads or if you think they break the guidelines report them. Those of you complaining come across asa but precious quite frankly. You’ll now say that this is an example of what you mean but you started it, criticising other posters,

MissAdventure Fri 20-Oct-17 12:46:05

It isn't a case of moaning about things not agreed with. Its a matter of posting something that should be lighthearted, and being "shot down in flames". I can only assume that some people take life (and themselves) way too seriously.

MawBroon Fri 20-Oct-17 12:47:09

sunseeker rests her case m’lud!

MawBroon Fri 20-Oct-17 13:29:21

May I add something
I can remember as a secondary teacher the (many) occasions when I had to square my shoulders, take a deep breath and fix a smile on my face before facing a class of stroppy teenagers. It usually worked but it was far from relaxing.
Compare and contrast meeting a couple of friends for a coffee, being able to exhale, to slump in a comfy chair ready to ENJOY their company and RELAX .
Now which of these scenarios would we prefer GN to resemble?
This is not PMQs where every interchange must be adversarial, every comment defended and justified , so maryeliza I suppose your “questions”are best treated as rhetorical.
Anybody dipping a toe into GN and reading your post of 12.41 could be excused hastily retracting that toe, putting their socks and shoes on again and retreating to a safe distance.

Elegran Fri 20-Oct-17 13:41:25

It is not whether everyone agrees, but what their attitude is as they disagree. A few posts have demonstrated very clearly just what it is that prompts some to feel as the OP does, and also which posters make threads acrimonious!

If they can't see that, or take it on board from other posters (who are not melting snowflakes), then they will continue to post as dismissively as steamrollers going over a frog, and there is really no point in anyone taking any notice. Just hop off to another thread and leave them to crush other steamrollers - if there were no-one else left there to squash they'd just have to cannibalise each other.

loopyloo Fri 20-Oct-17 13:50:42

I agree with Sun seeker that the posts often become acrimonious. I get the feeling some people have a lot anger and they vent it on GN.
But hey ho, let them rant on. We can ignore them or listen to their point of view as we wish.
Sometimes it's like watching gladiators.

Bambam Fri 20-Oct-17 15:04:59

Tell me about it! There's one forum on Gn that I will never look at or post on ever again.

sunseeker Fri 20-Oct-17 15:17:07

Oh dear what have I started! maryeliza54, I am not moaning and criticising posts I disagree with and I have no wish to stop people putting forward their views in a robust manner, neither do I want GN to be all sweetness and light. I just feel that as adults we are surely capable of putting forward our views without insults. By insults I mean calling someone stupid, mentally ill, etc. etc. Name calling does nothing to advance anyone's argument.

Nonnie Fri 20-Oct-17 15:23:22

I steer clear of certain threads because I don't like the tone. There is one person who likes to argue with me or put me down at every opportunity so I no longer respond to anything that person posts. I don't need to.

There are other long time members of Gn with whom I have disagreed and we continue to disagree but we are never nasty to each other, we just accept that on certain issues we have different opinions.

What I really dislike strongly is when I post something and another person 'interprets' what I say and is unpleasant about it. When I respond and correct their interpretation there is NEVER an apology. I don't need such people so don't bother with them. There are plenty of reasonable people on here so who needs the unreasonable?

lemongrove Fri 20-Oct-17 15:30:07

MawBroon ?
I agree Loopy about anger, some posts are so bad that they make your hair stand on end ( or laugh, whichever comes first!?)
Bambam glad you are still posting, from what I have read, I wouldn't blame you if you had left.?

durhamjen Fri 20-Oct-17 15:46:46

Is this a thread about threads?

Elegran Fri 20-Oct-17 15:55:16

No, there has been no mention of a specific thread. This is a post about attitudes - very general.