The New Argy Bargy cafe, please pop in!?

I’ll do a turn behind the bar. What are your orders?

Just let the hairs grow Charley and then plait them, very fetching with bows on.

Charley...that will teach you to drink all our poteen!
I don’t think you paid for your drinks either
Has Marydoll recovered yet? the loos need a good scrub out, and it’s her turn.
Who’s on the bar? is the coffee machine working? Did Soop make us a cake? So many questions, so little time.

No I have not and even going to the Veet factory did not help. They were more concerned with their profits because I would need so much to remove these awful hairs. Each is like wire and growing daily. I do not know what I will do at the airport- it will be very embarrassing especially as I have loads of metal work in my joints already.

Charleygirl I seem to remember that you were happy enough to drink several glasses of our welcome drink last time you were here! Have you got rid of the hairs on your chest yet?

soop you deserve a drink after what you have done today and if you open the bottle and pour the wine at least you will know that it is not a mixture of bleach and creosote which you are more likely to get at the cafe as your welcome drink. I doubt if they have the same taste there for fine wines as we do in the kitchen.

I also will have a glass or three of fine red when I have my meal.

Marydoll All's well...I'm here, alas without Big Jim. He's otherwise engaged. On my way to the caff, I stumbled across a rather pleasant perky Scotsman. He comes with all the trimmings. I checked. He was looking for a decent place to tune his pipes. He's partial to a haggis butty and a tankard of malt whisky and has a good eye for bonnie lasses. So...in the absence of anything better, I'm dropping him off outside your door. I told him to knock three times and ask for wotsername. In the meantime, I need to strip out of my home decorating clobber and prepare myself for a evening beside the log fire together with MacSporran and a bottle of cheeky red. Slainte!

Actually, Big Jim isn't here. He is away to a Brewdog shareholders meeting in Aberdeen.
However, he seems to have been waylaid, as he hasn't arrived yet!
Something to do with trains... or Marydoll.

Haha! Shush...Big Jim may hear us! In fact he isn’t quite the same at the moment either, not feeling himself at all I hear.
Who’s on the bar today then? Oh, is it me? Sorry to be late ( DGC are frolicking around me as we speak) so let’s just have a quick one for the road.?
Laters, peeps.

Bad ones?

Oh dear she isn’t improving is she? What about a session with Big Jim in the cellar? That might bring back some memories.

Who is Mary???? . Is she a Newbie???

Where did that ginger wig come from?

Here Mary recognise these fish net tights and the black whip with the silver handle in the form of a wild haggis?
Sure you do, they are yours !

Did she make it? Is she still with us? Bags have her stool at the bar if not.

I'll liquidise an anchovy and drop it in, that will do it

No Marydoll, your in your old gin joint, remember? Look in this mirror and you'll recognise yourself and all will be well when you've drunk this gallon of cider and schnapps.

Am I Soop????

I don't know who I am, but I think I'm in Soops kitchen.
Are there any nice cakes?

Who am I?

Marydoll? MARYDOLL! MARYDOLL! ARE YOU AWAKE? CAN YOU HEAR US? YOU'VE HAD A LITTLE SLEEP. DO YOU FEEL BETTER NOW? CAN YOU REMEMBER WHERE YOU ARE?

We're going to have to get her to regress Jane. This will involve deep psychological treatment - of the electric kind. I'll nip down to the cellar to get that cable extension. You get Marydoll to lie down on the bar and when I come back up; we'll plug her in. A couple of minutes of 1000 volts will have her back to normal MD's normal anyway.

Oh, how cruel. ?Is this a hostile takeover? I do remember one thing, I was a founder member of the Argie,...........I think.?

If e get evicted while she is like this she will never find us. Result!

I think I could help. Are you worried about one of the Argies?