I am cross

I always use a bookmark - and these days various Charities send their own whether you want them or not, so no excuse! I use the library a lot these days as have discovered large print and hate to find corners turned down or page numbers ringed. But this week it was a first when I kept finding hair as I turned over the page! At first I thought it was human (ugh) but as there was a lot and very soft I think it was a long haired black and white cat who must have been sitting on the readers lap as she/he read the book!!!

I would be cross she is showing you no respect.
I also keep some books I have books in my collection from my nan’s which she kept like new

I agree with you entirely. Next time you loan her a book put a bookmark in the book to give her a hint. I make my own from leftover craft card and laminate it. You could write on it “Ouch!...please don’t bend me at the corners”

When my DD worked in a village library she discovered a few unusual bookmarks! A rasher of uncooked bacon and on another occasion an unused condom. They joked about needing rubber gloves to check in returned books!
Yes, anything can be used as a bookmark!!

I'm afraid I'm an 'up and out with it' type of person and would say something next time. I'd try to be tactful though and say it kindly, something like ' would you mind using a book mark. Some people turn the corners over it but it spoils the book for me.'
I'm notorious for speaking up amongst my friends and they are still my friends.

You're not being unreasonable!
I now never lend anything!

Maybe it is my age, but when first having/reading books, in the early 1950's, my siblings & I were taught to respect all books, (they were not as plentiful or available as nowadays).
So, that message has grown up with & stuck with me.
I always have, & still love books, so agree with the OP.

I used to belong to a book club a few years ago and regularly would buy books, a neighbour of mine would always say "I can,t wait to read that after you". After lending her several books and always having to ask for them back I simply stopped lending her them as she seemed indignant....saying but you,ve read it already! So now I only lend within the family. I belong to our library and am quite shocked by the state of some of the books, folded down corners, people who have decided to proof read the book themselves and written what they think it should be, people who eat a lot while reading and dribbles of food dried on pages. Luckily this is only a small proportion of the books and most of them are kept quite clean, our library has free book marks placed in all areas so there is no excuses to spoil a book by turning the corners down.

Lost so many bookmarks in the past so now use a paperclip, never drops out, neat and tidy. Would never turn down a corner in a book.

Not unreasonable, I never turn corners down whether it is my book or not. I would tell your friend she can borrow if she stops doing it and uses a bookmark. I just refuse to lend favourite books as I have had too many not return to me in the past, happy to lend ones I don;t care about any more.

My parents told me not to turn page corners, or write in books, possibly because all books were potentially shared with everyone else in the family. Mind you I did write my name in biro in an ancient book of common prayer underneath the original owner's beautiful copperplate script. I've matured since then...
If every reader of the book turned the corners down they would fall off. Or is modern paper less brittle?
I remember a friend's father who would not allow spine-cracking of his paperbacks, which made them a little tricky to read.

I stopped lending books after I lent one to a friend and it never returned. I lost touch with the friend and as the book was out of print I was unable to replace it.

Then, out of the blue and thanks to Facebook, the friend contacted me. We met for lunch and much to my surprise and after about thirty years. she returned my much loved book!

Completely agree with all points. Have had a lightbulb moment. Make a lovely card bookmark with the rules printed on it.
Do not fold down page corners.
Do not write in margins or elsewhere in the book.
Do not use the book whilst eating.
Please return the book to the rightful owner.

Pop the bookmark in to the book as you hand it over. That might help especially if libraries do the same.

I never lend a book I'm not prepared to lose.

I'm a page folder AND a spine bender!

I like an obviously well thumbed book to be admired by other pristine prim editions for being a bit shabby round the nether regions - like me.

I'd be more gentle though with a borrowed book but I think books hate to be partially opened to the world - they want to experience it through to their very core.

My books are my babies lol, some belonged to my own mother, and if anyone marked them, I would go spare!

Very rude to turn down the corners of a book! Unless its your own, of course.

I knew someone once who used to underline, asterix, cross out, put arrows in and totally cross out sentences...... you would think he was marking it! ....... never lent him a book! He didn’t think it was a problem...... I think he had the problem.....

This all so chimes with me. I worked in libraries for years and saw books defaced in all the ways mentioned plus some more. My favourite was the rasher of streaky bacon used as a bookmark. Have also found quite a lot of paper money. There was a person who heavily crossed out all the sexy bits and swear words. I can think of one thing worse than smoke odours and that is sick. Instant withdrawal on all fronts.!
I don't think you are unreasonable BOOKISH. I wouldn't lend to her again without asking her not to do it - in as nice a way as possible, of course.

Having nearly fallen out with someone years ago trying to get a much loved book back (no Kindle then) I don't lend books just recommend something if I have enjoyed it. I also don't borrow unless something is pressed on me when I try to read it as quickly as possible. Do agree about getting read of some books that are never going to be read again, why are they always the ones given as a present?

Chewbacca, I would have insisted that your 'friend' needed to replace your Nigella cookbook with a new one. I certainly would never lend out anything again if something was returned damaged and that includes page turnings on books. People should be called out for their disrespectful behaviour towards others' property or they will just continue to do it.

My books are my babies. I can't lend them out!
Turning down the pages of books ranks as a serious
offence i.m.h.o.

I've had library books that have had pages stuck together with dried bogies! Yuck. Creased pages are nothing

I think you are being unreasonable and a bit precious for the following reasons. Ask yourself, what is the likelihood of you reading the book twice? You must be a Gran to be in here so I think you should think about downsizing and decluttering.
Having just come back ( yet again) from my FIL's decaying house it fills me with dread, about what the heck we are going to do with all the things he has collected during his 93 year old life, plus wall to wall books.
We have already cleared out two houses, three if you include our own( as we are sensibly downsizing, (before we selfishly just hand on the responsibility to someone else)
We have gardened, cooked and cleaned for my parents, my step in laws and my inlaws who all clung onto their possessions until they were mouldy.
If you won't read the book again, ( which is likely) just be glad that your friend has taken it off your hands and has made good use of it.
Try LibriVox on the net, you can download audio books free, then no one will touch your books.
Or just carry on collecting them and leave your poor children to heave them to the charity shop, after you have gone. They are damn heavy books.
Sorry if I sound bitter, but I am tired Lol

I’m amazed you get the books back! Because of this my tacks have changed over the years:
1) when book finished I give it to oxfam book unless particularly remarkable and I want to keep for whatever reason. Now the trouble is when you tell a friend this they ask to borrow it....so I offer to buy them one.
2) I read most of my books on kindle paper white. No need for light on, no waste of paper, cheaper, easy to reference and easy to keep a massive library with you at all times. At last I have the complete oeuvre of Balzac all the versions of Grimm.
And to get round the bookmark / page creasing problem I used to make myself remember the page number. Kindle does all that for me.

It's criminal damage! Do what you like to your own books, but leave other people's alone! I work in a volunteer-run community library. It's really upsetting when books are returned in a mutilated condition: corners turned down, pencil and biro scribbles etc. We don't examine books when they are returned because it would take too long, but readers come in to tell us that books have been damaged. It really is too bad!

Volunteering in a charity shop & dealing with the donated books has its moments. Dont mind bus tickets, scraps of paper but 'dogeared' pages, scribbling, food bookmarks really annou. Worst thing was the huge spider that had taken up residence in one very old, very grotty book. Did carefully evict him/her though. If someone has taken the time to write a book it should be treated with respect!