My boy has flown

My eldest daughter married an Aussie and lives in Melbourne with 2 kids. My partner has a daughter who married an Aussie and lives in Sydney with 2 kids. We are lucky enough to be able to visit them every 2 years and had a wonderful 6 week trip recently. My other 3 daughters are in the uk although not near us. I lost my only son at 3 years old and am thankful his sisters are healthy and happy and making lives and families of their own. I love my life and make the most of it. Whatsapp is great and communication is so much better now than years ago when it was a letter or expensive phone call. Take this opportunity to put yourself first and explore new ideas. Don’t let him know how upset you are but give him your blessing

When the birds flew the nest, I still had a good job, was doing an OU French course and had an interesting role in local politics. As my OH had, a few years previously, also decamped, I was free to choose my own holidays and enjoyed many Ramblers' holidays. So my advice is that if your offspring are off to a new life, help yourself to something fulfilling. It's your life too and, anyway, sooner or later, your role may well change again to that of a grandparent!

Yes I feel for you too. I just said goodbye for the second time 2 weeks ago to my son who at 39 moved to NZ 4.5 years ago with his NZ wife. They returned for 6 weeks this time with two children in tow so saying goodbye was even harder. I don't know if they're settled there - they both miss the UK and he's just texted today to say he's finding it hard to get back to a routine but life is so much better for the children that I feel they have to prioritise them first which I know they will. Being a parent is hard most of the time!

Oh my days. My baby (aged 25) left home last year to go and live and work in London. It's 35 miles away, but I was in bits then, and I still get tearful after he goes back after a weekend visit.

I'm not surprised that you got upset when your baby left to go to the other side of the world. As has been said, Skype is marvellous, and hopefully you will get a chance to visit.

I remember my only child going to Uni and was talking to a colleague about feeling bereft. He said he'd be thrilled if his child could leave home,as his child had special needs and would always be at home. It pulled me up short. We want them to lead independent happy lives.I do still understand what you feel and not decrying it, it just gave me another perspective.....

minxie Congratulate yourself in raising a self confident boy who feels he can travel far from home and manage his life on his own its a job well done by you,
Two years will soon pass,try and fit in a visit during this time I'm sure you will love it,as he certainly will.

He’s not a boy he’s a man which is why he had to go.

My daughter went for a holiday, loved it, then met, married and had a baby, they all moved to Oz ( I thought I would die of a broken heart, but made the best of it, kept reminding myself of people whose adult children live in the next town who don't see parents apart from Christmas and Birthdays)
I told them how proud I was of them following there dream.
We Skyped telephoned and text regularly but it was like winning the lottery when after 3.5 years they returned home.
You will cope, because you have to x remind yourself what a fabulous job you have done as he has the guts to leave but find a friend that you can cry with as you will miss him
With hugs xx

Poor you. If my son decided to move a long way away I would be heartbroken, but I would fully support his choice. My son was due to go to University in a town only 20 mins away. DH and i had been shopping there and drove past the flat he was due to move in to. I cried all the way home. We are a soppy lot! At least there is Skype now. Not quite a hug, but will help. And I am sure being away will make him realise how much he appreciates you.

I do feel for you. Its hard. You know its right for them to go and for you to encourage them in the great adventure, but that doesnt stop you being sad you are not going to see them all the time. Its amazing how 'kids' turn into great friends and company just at the point they are leaving! My son has been in the States ten years and its clear he isnt going to return any time soon - right or wrong I miss him like mad. The only plus is that when we visit its as if he had only walked out of the door ten minutes ago, and he is very happy doing a job he loves.

I know exactly how you feel as my daughter did the same a few years ago. She was gone for almost two years and went on her own. I cried all the way home from the airport and even now can still see her disappearing up the stairs at Heathrow. I still cry when I think of that rainy November day. However, once I knew she’d got there okay I felt a bit better and we had weekly phone chats. We could text just the same as if she was in London. She DID come back too! The time soon went and although it took her a bit of time to settle back home, I believe it really did her good. It helped her become more self sufficient and to grow up. Don’t worry; he’ll be fine and you’ll adjust after a short time. Good luck to you both.

My son went travelling when he was 21, this was before internet and smart phones so I relied on letters and postcards. He spent a couple of months high in the Himalayas living with a local family so no contact then, a bit disconcerting as I usually had something every couple of weeks. He also got caught up in a landslide on Mount Ararat, had to be rescued by helicopter. He got caught up in a shooting at the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem and generally had an exciting time. He met loads of different people and a number of times someone would turn up on my doorstep saying they had met my son somewhere in the world, sometimes they stayed a day or two, sometimes just for a coffee or a meal.

He visited lots of different places, met his wife and didn't settle down until his son started school, they even took my grandson backpacking round India when he was 18 months old after he had all his jabs.

I still have all the letters he sent me so can relive all his adventures with him, sometimes the old fashioned ways of communication can be so much better than now.

No matter how old they get they are still your baby. How hard it must feel for you and your Dad. He will ring soon and will have lots to tell you. Start saving to go and visit him. Hr has a wonderful opportunity try to be happy for him. I recall dropping off my dd when she went to uni at 18 and I knew deep down she would come back to visit but would make her home in uni city. I remember leaving her with a smile then driving to next car park and crying for 20mins before I could drive home. It will get easier.

I sympathise so much with all these comments. My daughter left to study in California 30 years ago, and is still there married to a lovely American. Skype and emails are wonderful, although it has just been banned in Dubai where my younger son is and I miss seeing my grandchildren. My other son is in Ukraine, so as someone else has said: what did we do to make them all leave us? I think the answer is that we brought them up to be independent and we can't complain when they are. We have had lots of lovely holidays as a result, but now getting older makes it more difficult to fly long haul.

Like Villamartin452 my heart is firmly umbilical corded to Australia (if you see what I mean).
my son was stolen from me by a beautiful, intelligent, blonde haired Ozzie girl. I now have two very tech savvy Australian dgc and have visited several times. I can recommend Xmas on the Sydney northern beaches even I have to save up all year for it ?!

Enjoy the peace and quiet.
My daughter left home at eighteen to go backpacking in Australia.
My husband and myself breathed a sigh of relief.
We returned home after dropping her of at airport to a mountain of clothes and rubbish left behind in her room.
It was so nice to get the bedroom back to a decent state.
Also, at 25years old he is not a baby. Let him go.

minxie, how lucky you are to have had him for a whole 25 years. Both of mine flew the nest just under 20. One was within commutable distance and the other left the country. What a wonderful opportunity for your son. Feed on that and be glad.

Yggdrasil I agree with your sentiments and am relieved I am not alone in thinking this way. When my eldest left for uni all my friends were saying goes how aweful I must feel, how sad etc. They were shocked when I said that I had brought my kids up to be independent adults and this was the start of that progress. I now have a grandchild who lives not too far away but not too close to asked for regular childcare and my oh and I can enjoy some adult time again.

I’m sitting here having just returned from 5 weeks in Australia visiting my youngest DD and family, pining and missing them so much there is a void in my life when I return. On the bright side they have a truly wonderful life it really is worlds away to life in England. I’m feeling your pain whilst feeling mine.Your son will have an amazing time I met loads of lovely people from all over the world. Technology today helps you keep in touch so easily.

Some years ago I was invited to take part in a TV discussion programme called The Time, The Place, with John Stapleton, on the subject of the Empty Nest Syndrome. I was completely amazed by a mother who practically used her grown-up son's bedroom as a shrine, keeping it exactly as it had been and sitting on his bed crying when she missed him. I just wanted my children to grow up independent and adventurous and to leave home so that I could seize all the wonderful opportunities there are these days for 'older' women. We all have our own lives to lead and I'm loving mine. Try:
www.womenwelcomewomen.uk/article/home.aspx
And of course: www.u3a.org.uk/

ah, I really feel for you. I have gone through similar situations with my son. One of my friends' sons also went to australia for a year, but came back much sooner as he was homesick. Chin up, get busy with your own life, and before you know it he will be back. It is hard having children when this happens, but look forward to his calls, skype, et al. Sending you massive hugs.

I don’t often comment on any posts but can really relate to this one. I come from a family background where children just move up the road & are popping in and out all the time. With both my grown up children now living at opposite ends of the world, USA & America, it looks to them (and they often said it) that I must have done something wrong as my children don’t want to be living next door to me!! I always say, like some others on here, that I brought them up to be independent young men who are capable and confident of living where they choose and standing on their own two feet. I do miss them but am in regular contact so I’m still involved in their lives, without having to deal with the day to day dramas that can occur. I love them to bits but they have their own lives. As parents we have got to let them go, chances are they will come back, but if they don’t, be happy for them.

Both my dds went travelling for extended periods. The elder 'fell' into her current career (aid sector) whilst abroad, and although she visited occasionally, didn't come back to the UK to live for around 10 years.

I just thanked heaven for email - what would we have done without it? But then Dh and I had lived and worked abroad for many years - pre email and overseas phone calls being a regular Thing at all - so we were used to the idea. Our own parents had to manage with just the odd letter and very occasional phone call.

Of course I missed her very much, but the only time I really found it dreadfully hard was when she was on the phone from the other side of the world, in tears and in a dreadful state because of some wretched boyfriend. So far away and there was nothing I could do but listen and try to offer comfort that her misery would pass eventually - as indeed it did.

She met her future (Brit) husband while working in the aid sector in SE Asia after a catastrophic natural disaster. . So that was one very happy outcome, and I know she wouldn't go back and do anything differently - she had so many wonderful and interesting experiences and met so many different lovely people, with many of whom she's still in touch.
Having said all that, I'm sure I'd be sad inside if she and SIl ever decided to move permanently overseas - especially since there are now two little Gdcs - but I hope I would try not to let it show too much, or make them feel bad on my account.

At least you will see him again. I will never see mine ever again.
Let him go and enjoy his life Australia is for the young, my nephew took his family to Perth they love it.

My son went to the USA to marry twelve years ago. He is settled there and happy with his wife and my only two grandchildren . I usually see them once a year but I am sad inside about it and I know just how you all feel.