Just back from humanist funeral

I have, not long ago. I was very confused when they had the Lord's prayer... I thought humanists don't have "religion". Apart from that, it was an interesting experience.

I've been to two Katek. The families of both of DH's sisters chose to have humanist funerals for them and as you say, they were the most uplifting and happy celebrations of life I've ever experienced. Just right for my lovely sisters in law.

It was just right for my friend as well....I felt really happy to have known them not so much sad because they’ve gone.

We had one for my Mums funeral 10 years ago, a nice option if you're not religious.

I've been to one. I didn't know it was humanist at the beginning as it was held in a church and I had not been forewarned but I thought it was lovely, so much nicer than the gloomy traditional ones. I'm going to write in my will that I want a humanist funeral.

My mum had a humanist funeral . It was, as you say katek a joyous celebration of her life. Very personal, with stories both funny and sad too. The celebrant took his time to “get to know” my mum through us, her family and I have to say he got her just right . We played her favourite songs in between. No prayers though .

WE had humanist celebrants for both my parents' funerals.

The one who took my Mum's was a bit of a twit really and I was disappointed in it - we took him on trust from a recommendation. He was an ex-vicar and found it hard to enter into the spirit of a humanist funeral.

Forewarned, I was very careful about the choice of celebrant for my father's funeral. I looked up a celebrant on the Humanist Society's website and talked to several on the phone before making my choice. She was quite simply perfect - respectful, thoughtful, kind and intelligent, she produced a ceremony that we all felt was a fitting tribute to Dad.

I have been to several humanist funerals. All very moving except for one which was not well conducted and rather awkward. I think that was partly due to the family wanting as little fuss as possible and partly the fault of a not-very-good celebrant.

The celebrants are usually from the British Humanist Association and the others I've seen have been wonderful, particularly one who conducted the funeral of a young man who had taken his own life - such a daunting task, but she was amazing, emphasizing many positive aspects of his life.

Of course religious funerals are often moving, especially when they are celebrating the life of someone who had a good long life, but sometimes they can seem to be all about God and not much about the late departed.

We definitely didn’t want god involved in my mums funeral, so we didn’t invite him. He wasn’t around for her in the last years of her life so we didn’t think he would have the time to be at her funeral either .

Strange to have The Lords Prayer if not a Christian service

My mother-in-law's funeral was a celebration of her life, including funny stories, laugh-out-loud moments, we sang songs from her favourite musicals, a recorded Sarah Brightman song "Time to Say Goodbye" was played ... and a prayer and one hymn, with the well-known reading from Ecclesiastes about a time to live and a time to die. It was held in a Christian church.

Surely funeral services are what you want them to be, no matter whether religious or not?

They really should be Grannyknot but many religious funerals I have attended have been more about religion than the person which is such a shame .

My daughter is an Independent Celebrant which means that she can include religious elements from any religion in a service if the family request this. Not being an adherent of any faith herself she would not lead prayers or hymns but rather invite a family member to do that part of the ceremony.

Humanists, on the other hand are prohibited from including any religious things in their services, and have to avoid any music with references to angels or such like. The same rule applies to civil wedding ceremonies conducted by Registrars.

I much prefer the services conducted by celebrants as they are truly a celebration of the deceased's life, whereas services conducted by the clergy seem to concentrate only on their religious life and finish with warnings to the heathens among us that we will not qualify for eternal life.

We went to a humanist wedding and found it to be just right for the couple and the occasion. I've often found religious funerals to be fuller of what felt like religious ritual for the sake of it rather than focussing on the very dear departed. I'm sure a humanist service would be better.

My son's funeral was completely hi jacked by the bloody awful pastor from the church that my ex husband was involved in at the time.

Nearly all the funerals I have attended have been humanist and I have found them all to be, touching and highly personal celebrations of each person's life.

Sadly, the few C of E funerals I have been to were lacking in the "personal touch" and very formulaic.

Having said that, I recently attended a Catholic requiem mass which, of course, contained many ritualistic elements, but which was also rather beautiful and very moving. The priest was so warm and natural, had such sensitivity and was also able to inject a little humour to lighten the sadness.

I think it is more down to who conducts the service than whether it is better to be humanist or religious. As I have a strong faith humanist wouldn't be for me but I respect other people's choices. When my FIL died I arranged the whole service with the help of our curate at the time who also took the service ( the vicar had recently changed and was awful so I tactfully asked for who I wanted to do the service) . We put in lots of personal stuff but had beautiful old hymns and readings. I read the eulogy at one of my closest friends funerals last year and many of her friends stood and spoke about how lovely she was and but it was a religious service, both of them took their time to present the deceased as a special person so the service had real meaning for all of us. So I guess I'm saying it's not only humanists who can do a meaningful funeral for the mourners

I belong to a small house church, but have very close connections to most of the other churches in town and meet regularly with other ministers. I get invited to many funerals and have found that some ministers are gifted at funerals and others are not. The funerals of regular church attendees are usually very personal and can include whatever the family want really, but for some there is very little personalisation because they weren't known to the officiating minister and s/he hadn't properly done their homework.
Last year I conducted a service of interment of ashes and spent a lot of time with the family beforehand garnering thoughts and memories; I had known the man a little, but his family said afterwards that I had caught the essence of him - all down to taking the time to listen.

I'm interested to read the post from granny 23. The only humanist funeral I have been to the celebrant announced that no religious music, prayers etc could be included and that this was definitely the end of our friend and she had gone forever. For my mum we had a civil celebrant who was happy to include a hymn as well as mums favourite music and a time for prayer for those who wished to do so. We left to Morecambe and Wise and the whole thing was a joyous remembrance of a much missed lady.

I was put off church funeral services after attending one for a relative, the vicar droned on about " he is gone to a better place " on and on he ranted about going to do the lord's bidding. The poor man had been 49 and died in an accident in his garden. I think humanist funerals are the way now, much more personal.

GA it is indeed the time spent with the family, garnering all the anecdotes and personal memories, that makes for a 'memorable' service. My DD spends hours with the family, writes up the ceremony and delivers a copy to them for comment and amendments if necessary and afterwards delivers a beautifully presented copy to the family to keep as a memento.

The worst service I have ever attended was for my dear friend and political mentor, whose sister arranged the funeral by phone via an undertaker. It was at the Crematorium with the 'duty' minister, who quite obviously knew nothing about my friend and the 'duty' organist playing the stock funeral hymns. There was no mention of her career as a theatre sister, her lifelong devotion to the Nationalist Cause, her many years as a Councillor and Group Leader, serving her Community.

Instead we were treated to a bog standard 'She was a faithful wife and mother and servant of God', when in fact her biggest regret was that she was childless, though she did indeed nurse her DH for many long years. The minister did say 'wife and mother', then corrected himself without apology and said 'Wife'.

The crematorium was overflowing - over 300 folk there to pay tribute. No meal had been arranged to follow, so we stood about in the rain outside the Crematorium, sharing memories. Awful, just awful.

A very dear young friend died recently and he had a planned humanist wedding or in his words 'his leaving do'. It was lovely to hear all the funny stories he wanted included, his music and his wish to have his hats on the coffin rather than flowers. It was still unbearably sad though!

It depends on the person conducting the ceremony, I think. Some seem to capture the essence of the person, some don't, regardless of whether its religious or not.

Rather unfair on Parish priests. They work long hours, on call 24 hours a day ,not on their day off, visit the sick in their homes, visit hospitals, run youth clubs, take daily services, are on many committees, many have two churches to serve, they haven't got hours to sit with every bereaved family.