Looking back

I didn't have any plans really, which is just as well, I think, because they wouldn't have included any of the things that have happened. Not all how I imagined my life could be, sadly.

I never had any plans as such, I just drifted really. I married in my mid-twenties and things seemed hunky-dory, we moved down the the coast. My teachers would be horrified if they knew that I've had low paid jobs as opposed to a proper career.
I certainly didn't expect to be widowed in my mid-fifties, but hey, life's not so bad. Sometimes I wish that I'd chosen a different path career-wise and had listened more in maths classes at school.

I never thought I would end up divorced with young children; my husband was always voted 'least likely to stray' by friends and neighbours. WRONG!!

How I could have relaxed when I was younger if I'd known how wonderful my life would be.

Thanks wotnot - crossing fingers!

I realize, particularly after reading some of these posts, how lucky I've been. My start in life was a bit uncertain, but four years later it perked up when my much loved stepfather came into our lives. My goodness, that really was our lucky day as things could have been so different! I married at 21 a lovely man/boy!! We had two great children, both worked hard, shared highs and lows, been through the ups and downs of family life, but now in the twilight of our lives, we're still happy in each others company, kiss each other goodnight, and help each other with daily tasks where we can. Our children are financially successful, much more than we've been, although we've been luckier in love!! Our grandchildren are well, clever, and nice to be with. My only slight regret is that we didn't travel more, finance just would allow it!! I know I've been lucky, and I am very grateful for it.
annie, I'm so sorry to hear you sounding so sad. I wish I could help, but I can send you a virtual hug and more to let you know I'm thinking of you.

NannaM, wishing you good results with your mammogram.

wotnot - Thank you for this posting. It's come at a pretty emotional, anxiety filled time in my life - I'm waiting to have an ultrasound after a mammogram and callback. So I'm thinking "what if"s" right now.
I can look back and see good times and not-so-good times, some victories, and some situations when I think "I wish I had done better".
What is is what is. I have today.

The last bit of life not as hoped for....married quite young a chap with inherited disease...both bit headstrong in that we would cope! Both children have it. Try to be philosophical as there are many families worse off than us but I feel so riddled with guilt but disease is restricting .....however could be much worse. Had plans of active retirement...but though I am fit and well caring has curtailed everything. Even writing this feel I am being very selfish

The first thirty five years of my life just' happened'. I was family 'controlled' to some extent. I made no plans I had no plans. I was accepting my life without question.
I know now what was to transpire was by fate and I truly believe it was fate that put me in the right place at the right time and was to change my life.
A life, and a life that was never to be the same and which on looking back, good and not so good, I know would not have wanted any different.

Thank you for all your replies. I am especially sorry
Anniebach,Marmight,luzdoh,homefarm,Tooyoung,Katyk,
WW11,Sararose that life has been unkind.
I wonder if it's partly that we are similar age group and so choices were/are limited, but it seems we have little control as to the unexpected twists and turns life takes.

Of not if

I would have loved to see a bit of the world too. Short if a lottery win I can’t see that happening now .

Like others on heere, I thought I would work for a few years, get married, have children and didn' think much further. When I was small I wanted to be a nurse but that wish stopped in my teens and I became a secretary and stayed in office work. I did have children and now grandchildren.
I didn't expect to end up divorced, then remarried, then widowed, nor to have been the main breadwinner for many years. To be positive, I am now happily retired.

I loved children and wanted to be a nanny but it didn't go to plan. I met and married a man with whom I had 2 lovely children but he left me for a young girl. I was lucky enough to meet and marry a younger man who was a great dad for a while but took to drink. So after a second divorce I met a lovely man who gave me a great life and became a wonderful step father and grandfather. Unfortunately he has had a number of strokes and now has severe dementia and needs one to one care in a nursing home. I am not sure what I had expected as a young woman but it certainly wasn't this sort of half life. Thank goodness for a loving family and friends.

I have had 3 husbands, and I divorced two.The first was a cheat and a wife beater, I left after 7 years when I ended up in hospital needing plastic surgery to my face. The second was o.k. for a few years, but became alcohol dependant and started to get violent. The third was my best friend and soul mate, but died after we were married for 1 year and 8 days. The time we were together was the happiest of my life. I always think that if I had not divorced the other two when I did I would not have met my lovely man who made me so happy. Karma?

Tooyoungytobeagrandma this sounds like a carbon copy of my life, but son not daughter. I wish you all the best, I know how hard it can be.

I never had a long term plan. The future is so unpredictable but I couldn't be happier and more relaxed than I am now. I live in a beautiful part of Scotland, I see at least 3 of my grandchildren most days. I am generally well with all medical problems under control at the moment. I can still get around, walk the dog 3 times each day. I could go on. I'm very grateful or life as it is. Absolutely no complaints.

Like others I had the "get married and live happily ever after" thing as being the norm. If you weren't engaged at 18, married at 21 and have 2 kids by the time you were 25, you were a failure. I married at 25, didn't have any kids, divorced at 37. Had a 20-year relationship (didn't marry him, thank heavens), then that finished when I was 59. At nearly 61 I met the love of my life and we've been together for nearly 12 years, married for 9. So I wouldn't have chosen the way my life went for a lot of it, but it's just great now.

I had a plan, train as a nurse, meet a handsome doctor, get married, stop work, have children. Started nursing training, but was too young emotionally to cope, left to get married, and was dumped by my fiance. But then I met DH, had four children, went back to work as medical secretary when youngest was four. Grew a new career in health information management. Retired at 63 and spending some of the kids inheritance on travel. I have had episodes of reactive depression, but really have been incredibly lucky. My heart goes out to some of your stories.

KatyK I think it helped that I moved away from home when I was 19 and rarely went back. Since then we have moved a lot because of DH's job and had to 'sink or swim'. I still feel the lack of self-confidence and am more aware of my failings than most others but in the last few years I have learned to stand up for myself and feel better for it. It is never too late.

You sound as though you have done a great job Nonnie I am still a nervous wreck with no confidence and little self-esteem due to the horrors of childhood but my DD is the opposite (thankfully) so I must have done something right.
My granddaughter is wonderful and a credit to my DD.

KatyK That resonates with me. I just wanted to give my children what I didn't have and give their children the grandparents they never had. I have done the former and am trying to do the latter.

I am so proud of my children, they have achieved far more that I ever did and I like to think that in some part that is due to my parenting.

I am far more open-minded than my parents were and far more tolerant and am finally learning to stand up for myself so, yes, I am happy with the way we have made our lives work for us and those around us.

I just want to get to at least 80 when my son will be 60. Somehow I have the idea that he will be able to cope at 60 if I passed away. This is not being negative far from it, just being practical.

I never had a plan, or ambitions really. I had a terrible upbringing and my only goal in life was to be 'like everyone else' . I still don't feel as though I have achieved that even now in my late 60s. I never had ambitions for my child either, just that she was clean, well looked after and that she fitted in and we gave her what the other children had. I have never had the confidence to have ambitions. I suppose that makes me a bit of a sad case, but there it is.