Not really shattered illusions, more lies told by your parent/s.

My dad would ask me to check his ear as it itched, and I'd go poking and peering into it.
Then, suddenly, out would come all manner of things which had 'got stuck' in there.
I didn't realise, really, until I was grown up that he must have been kidding me.

My Dad used to tell me to wash my face in the dew of a cowpat for a lovely complexion. He knew lots of old country lore and so I was never sure if he was joking.

How funny wotnot!

My Dad was always 'going to see a man about a dog'. I was convinced he'd be coming home with a puppy for me but he never did.

I lived with my Grandparents as a child and my Mother was around but very absent.
I was always terrified when she failed to appear that I would never see her again.
Whenever I questioned her empty seat at mealtimes my Grandmother told me

"she's gone for a soldier"
which made me even more scared and conjured up visions of Mother's involvement in the "soldier, soldier won't you marry me" nursery song.

No idea what this phrase means. Anyone shed any light?

Why lies? A strange thread title which makes me think the OP is just a tad bitter.

I used to find the "going to see a man about a dog" answer very annoying.
I remember being told the basics about periods age around 10 and being told then that God made sure babies were only given to married women.

I used to ask my Uncle what a windmill was for and would tell me it’s for grinding smoke. I don’t think I ever asked anyone else the same question, maybe I would have got the correct answer.

I always thought that 'gone for a soldier' meant the man had enlisted as a soldier but doesn't apply in this case does it.

I think it does, just misapplied.

Lies?
What is your problem?

My mother told me, when I was changing siblings nappies, that I would not smell my own baby's poo. I found out that was absolute rubbish!

Asking my uncle how he broke his leg, he told me he tripped over a draw and a chicken kicked him! Used to be quite wary around chickens for s long time ? Also had the gone yo see a man about a dog but never ever got the expected puppy either!

Jings! I didn’t expect to be psychoanalysed because of a word I used!
Would ‘stories’ be better?

The post was intended to be lighthearted

My parents didn’t lie to me or tell me silly stories. They explained things to me and answered my questions truthfully.

Swallowing pips would mean an apple would grow inside me.

Drinking tea before 14 turns you insides brown and doctors will tell you off. Those black lumps grownups get when they pinch their skin in something (used to be called a certain thing that isn't really pc now but I'm sure you know what I mean) were woodlice that had crawled under the skin. My Dads swallow tattoo was a bird that had flown into his arm and stayed there.

If you were the second to pour from a teapot you would have ginger twins!

If I was begging dad to go somewhere, like the park or seaside. He'd say we'd go next Sheffield Wednesday. I'd be waiting and waiting for this day to come round. He would often say he was going to see a man about a dog. I was waiting for him to bring a dog home. My aunt told me not to eat jam with seeds in as a tree would grow inside me!

When I asked my dad where he was going,he would reply "to Timbuctoo." I thought it was a name he made up and it was years later when I found out it is a real place!

My granddad was always going to see a man about a hoss ( horse) as he often came home with some nag or another I believed him but then I found out the horse swapping usually happened in a pub! He was a real character and had loads of sayings including ' it's gone black the back of bills mother's meaning rain later but as I had an uncle Bill I was always interested to know where his mom lived so I asked him but he wouldn't tell me

Don’t worry, Daddima, some people could start a fight in an empty room!

I don’t remember whether it was one of my parents who told me that if I picked my nose my brain might leak out.

But I did see the price of those dresses and tell my DD2 that only Irish children could go to Irish dancing classes. Unfortunately I was so convincing she asked a Scottish friend who did just that how she’d managed to get in. They were at university at the time.

I think really that a lot of these sayings were told to children in a joking spirit, but the grown-up telling them did not realise that a small child would take them literally.

We were told that if we pouted that our faces would stay like that if the wind changed. I expect you were too. Until we were around four, I think we believed it, but I never believed the other common saying to little girls who in a huff stuck their lip out that you could boil a kettle on it.

Mother said that if I ate the pith of an orange I would get worms. I can remember where I was when I was told it. I love oranges, pith and all but remember what she said every time I have one.