Being FRIENDS - can you do it?

One of my close friends has the most amazing friendship with her ex-husband. They both re-married and my friends ex had two children to whom she is Godmother. Her ex comes to all family 'dos' and the children, who are obviously step-brother and sisters all get on so well. I think my friends DH is very tolerant and accepts this closeness of family.

As I was the one to end our marriage and have been very happy with my second husband of 16 years, then I don't have a problem. My ex has apparently not changed: his second marriage ended in divorce and he moved in with another women a few years ago. My children (from my first marriage) tell me she is nice and my sister tells me she is unhappy with his behaviour. I have no ill feeling towards this woman (who I will meet in a few weeks at my daughter's wedding) and actually feel sorry for her as I know what he is putting her through. I decided a long time ago to let go of any bitter feelings as they only hurt me and subsequently my children not him.

My DH and his first wife had a very bitter divorce many years before I met him. We were due to meet at DGS's first birthday party and I didn't want that first meeting to be under scrutiny from others, so we arranged to have a pub lunch with ex and the chap she'd left DH for. And we all got on like a house on fire, so that when we were at the birthday party, she and I were able to chat away like we'd been friends for years (much to the surprise of other family members, I may say!). Sadly she had terminal cancer and didn't live to see all the grandchildren born, but she explained to her son & daughter that I had her blessing to be "Grandma" to their children, which we are all grateful for.

But as for my first husband, a serial skirt-chaser, I haven't seen hide nor hair of him since the day he left back in 1982. Suits me fine!

My DH and his ex-wife were married when I met him and, to be honest, I liked her far more than him at that time. It was only when I got to know him better that I realised he wasn't the jerk I'd originally thought and she was actually quite selfish in a lot of ways, not least the way she was carrying on with their best man. By the time they split up, I was seeing DH and she was seeing Best Man so we agreed that we would try to keep things amicable. On the whole, we have been friends; she came with me when I had a Breast Cancer scare and she stayed with us when one of the adult children had mental health problems. I have spent many an hour listening to her woes about the Best Man who turned out not to be the man she thought he'd be. She is a drinker who can be quite angry about me and DH when in her cups but I shrug it off. At the end of the day, my 'friendship' with her makes it easier for their kids and their children. I try to be careful not to step on her toes about the GC when she is around although as they live in our area, I have a closer relationship with them and I always respect that she is the "mother" not me. I wish my ex h's wife could be the same. I am firmly of the opinion that the more responsible adults the children of a split family can turn to, the better so I try to focus on that rather than worrying I might 'lose' my children to another woman.

I once accompanied my ex's wife to something that he couldn't attend (years after we'd divorced) - she kindly asked me, knowing I'd enjoy it. It was hilarious seeing the looks on people's faces when I explained I was her 'date' for the evening...................!

I think it might depend on whether the new wife "stole" him while we were still married or whether they met some time after we had already split. I got on fine with the ex - she was already happy with a new guy by the time I met my husband, and he'd had other partners in between also.

Try to be civil but not be friends.

I used to be friends with a couple who subsequently split up. He had a child with someone else, then they split. His children and partners get on great, mutual support when anyone is ill, sleepovers etc. Not sure how they get on with him (honestly, don't read anything into that, I really don't know. He is a lovely guy though)

43 years ago my husband left me, our toddler and new-born baby for another woman (to cut a long story short). I was devastated and in a terrible state for quite a while. He moved away to a new job but found me a house in the same area so that he could help support me and the children. He said he hoped that I and his new partner could become friends and he brought her to meet me. I struggled with the idea of this but I could see that things would be better for us all if I could manage to at least try. It turned out that I did like her, and she seemed sensitive to what I must be feeling. We became friends and occasionally they would take me and the children out with them. She was good to the children and would sometimes pop in by herself for a cup of tea and a chat with me on her way home from work. Eventually I met my current husband and we moved away, but my ex and his partner (now wife) occasionally keep in touch, and we enjoy seeing each other at family events. I'm glad that I was able not to allow the anguish I felt at the time to fester and leave me bitter.

If I ever saw the ex again in the whole of eternity it would be too damn soon. I fled with my 4 by him finally after 16 years. The aftermath was hell on earth. My boys had and have nothing to do with him and only my daughter who does. The story would make a damn good film and sequel. It won't happen as it's personal and o own the copy right.

I am happily married to a wonderful man who is the dad he didn't have to be to my 4. The ex is causing chaos in The U.S (God knows how as he has a criminal record) and is nowhere near us and long may it stay that way. Mine is an unusual story. Good luck to those who can get on ok. Not going and never will happen in our case. The ex is a nightmare

I think it makes a difference if there are children involved as there are often family birthday events where both parents attend . I am friendly with my DH' s ex-wife. In fact we even went to her wedding when she married the man she left my H for.

I divorced my ex over thirty years ago but have just spent Easter Sunday with him and his family (sister, Dad etc as he is currently single) as the kids are now grown up and have their own kids so they get the benefit of the family and aunties, cousins etc. I have been out for dinner with his ex and son (my step son), and see no reason not to get on when the situation arises.

2nd H's ex was a bitter woman so no I could never have got on with her.

3rd DH, now that's a different story, I wasn't involved in their break up but met DH when they were waiting for Decree Absolute. DH's teenager DD & S lived with him, I first met his ex & her new H at a family Christening, we all got along & were always together as a family group at parties. I hosted Boxing Day until DGS1 was about 2 when H's DD & his ex started doing Boxing Day get together.

Since DH died we only exchange Christmas & Birthday cards but that is because we live some distance away from each other & I now live almost 200 miles from my Step-D & her family, I no longer go to Boxing Day get together as it is too far to drive for the day.

When my 2nd H (DD's F) left me, for an older woman, DD was only 4 but we didn't have a lot to do with either of them as I moved with DD & went back to College. I never said a word against ex or his new wife but DD never forgave him. It all depends on personalities, cause of break-up & family dynamic.

I instigated the divorce from my 1st husband for both his controlling ways and his meanness. He remarried and things have been fairly civil with us all. At family gatherings I have noticed that even after all these years, he is such a creature of habit ... he sits and drinks everything in sight, and she drives him home ! His wife is very pleasant but does just seem to go along with everything he wants. About 6 years ago he actually told me that if I would have him back he would leave her ! He told my daughter this too ! I do feel sorry for his wife even tho she seems happy.

I am not bitter at all ... my ex was a serial cheating toe rag.I love his wife she did me the biggest favour by taking him off my hands she kept telling me that he loved her and I was holding him back so I let him go reluctantly!!!!! bought up his 4 kids on my own and met the love of my life who sadly passed last year.So I am not bitter he is cheating on her now what an escape....big smile

I have no problem at all with my ex's new wife. On the other hand he cannot stand to be in the same room as me and no I did not cheat on him, I simply decided that I had had enough of being treated the way he treated me. I would have loved for it to be civilized for the sake of our children but even after 23 years he still holds a grudge.

DD is on good terms with her partner's former wife. I want nothing to do with my ex-husband's new wife but this is largely because she is extremely unpleasant to my DD and DS and always has been, even when they were younger. She even ignores DGS (aged 3) when DD visits my ex. So I guess it depends how amicable or otherwise the separation/divorce was and on the personalities of the parties concerned. I wish things were different because we are a small family anyway and it would be good if the support network widened.

I have been divorced from my first husband for over 25 years but his family still invite me and my second husband to their birthday parties etc. I get on well with my ex's second wife and both my daughters seem to like her. I am indifferent to him.

I've seen my ex a few times when I've had to travel to London to see family. Usually only at the odd funeral or wedding. I would not bother to talk to him, and would pass him without any remarks or greeting at all. At Euston train station a couple of years back, he came over to me with no. 3 or 4 in tow, and proceeded to tell me that I looked tired and had put on weight, total crap, I've been a size 10 for over 30 years. I would have tried to be reasonable, but he left me, for one of his floozies, and then became bitter when he couldn't make a go if it with any of them. When I refused to take him back and I met my wonderful DH through work, he became nasty and I had to take out a restraining order. There is far too much animosity on his side for us to ever even be civil to each other.

My first husband and I split up when our children were very young and he moved abroad. I was pleased when he met someone soon after as I wanted a divorce. Strangely our friendship improved and his wife and I became good friends. They would come and stay for holidays or Christmas which seemed natural and the children loved it but friends and neighbours were shocked and disapproving.
Eventually time and distance made it difficult to continue like that and sadly our relationship soured as he no longer seemed interested in seeing or supporting the children. Nowadays we meet up once a year if they visit this country and see each other as old friends rather than an 'ex' husband/wife.

I see DH’s ex sometimes when babysitting DGS, she has stepped in a couple of times when parents are going to be late home, to give us chance to avoid the worst of the traffic. We get on reasonably well, though I must admit the first time I met her was a little awkward. (I knew him before he left her, though we weren’t together at the time)

I agree with Stella, being friendly is fine, being actual friends would probably depend on lots of factors.

I wouldn't say I'm friends with my ex's new lady but we are certainly "friendly" when we meet. I'm also friendly with my husband's ex wife . Life is too short for holding grudges.

I don't have any close friends with second husbands, but my DiL2 is from a split family.

The wedding photos show her father and stepfather sitting next to each other, chatting - they are all linked by the granddaughter and it was a happy family affair - there were only 13 of us.

Not so sure about her mother and step-mother, though - I think they politely avoid each other. (The stepmother is rather a difficult person, but she means well.)

my favorite picture of all time is of my mom and all 3 husbands standing around talking at sisters house.
first 2 have died.mom and my fathers 3rd see each other regular for lunch.i can't stand her myself.
this all came from mom refusing 58 years ago to use me as a war toy.nothing bad was ever said about each other to me.and he was no prize til he stopped drinking.
dad and stepdad were friends in school.
half sibs went to school with my cousins and look at them as family.my stepdads family do not differentiate btwn half/steps/bio.all are family.