Being FRIENDS - can you do it?

I suppose it would depend on how you split up with your ex and how friendly the new partner was.

I gave my ex husband’s new wife a great big hug because it meant I didn’t have to put up with him anymore! X

My daughter is friends with her ex and his new wife.It was initially for the sake of the children but they soon realised they were much better at friendship than they had been at marriage .When he had a cancer scare it was his ex he called for advice and we all spent my GD's birthday together last month.We loved him like a son and he and my OH had a real bond.We were as devastated as my D was when we discovered he was a serial cheater .At the end of the day though life's too short to hold onto grudges and it was lovely seeing my GD's wee face all lit up like christmas when she had all her parents ,birth and steps and her GP's round the table for dinner .Better to be civilised if possible for everyones sake

I don't see any reason why people couldn't get on, at least.
Unless the ex wife or second wife was involved in underhand behaviour, or was downright spiteful, then its in everyone's interest to be friendly (ish)

My second husbands new love came to me to ask advice how to ‘ manage’ him we had a cup of coffee I bore her no ill will what was done was done We didn’t ever meet again they moved away I saw him at a theatre recently he was with someone different and I believe there were a few in between I didn’t feel anything ( he hadn’t worn well)

I was the first person that my ex's second wife phoned when she discovered that No 3 was on the scene, and no, it wasn't an easy divorce as No 2 was one of our employees when their affair started.
I found her hiding in my house one evening ( they thought I was somewhere else) but I had my spies. Not a pleasant evening especially as we both had to see each other at work the next morning, awkward.
I number the wives because he went on to have 5. Numbers were easier to remember than names.
I will be seeing him in a few weeks at my daughters wedding. I wonder if a potential No 6 will be on his arm
No 2 and I still see each other through my daughter.

Paddyann that is a wonderfully magnanimous approach.

A friend of mine some years ago, who - when her husband's ex's second husband was diagnosed with a terminal illness, which caused great distress all round, she took the ex-wife and her new husband into her home which allowed her husband to support his ex; and my friend helped and nursed and more or less carried everyone through what was an extremely difficult time. How's that for generosity of spirit.

I know someone who commuted to London for work. She got to know another regular on the train. Imagine her surprise when it transpired that her train buddy was also her partner's former wife!

Sometimes marriages break down for no major reason, simply that it wasn't meant to be. Another person I know married her best friend from university. They both knew immediately they'd made a mistake, that they were destined to be friends but not lifelong partners and so they divorced amicably asap.

My husband and his partner, me and my partner, all get on very well and attend family get togethers with no ill feelings at all. It took a lot of turning the other cheek for a while but it's all good now.

I honestly don't think I could ever speak to my ex husband again. We were together for 24 years but now we can pass in the street like 2 strangers, which is terribly sad. I don't know the person he is now, he certainly bears no resemblance to the husband I loved.
Strangely enough, he is getting married again (perhaps 3rd time lucky) and I think she is very nice. We pass pleasantries and whilst I wouldn't want to be friends with her I certainly don't dislike her

Whilst my daughter doesn`t want to see or hear anything to do with her ex husband, she and her 2nd husband are great friends with his ex wife and her 2nd husband, something that I find very strange.

My ex, after 10 years, married again to an old friend from uni.
My DGCs acquired an excellent grandma and my old friend came back into my life. She was in no way involved in the divorce and largely thanks to her our family works well!

I was curious, after listening to what they were saying on T.V. Basically, that two women would find it hard to get on if a man moved on.

I was a second wife to a man who had two children and I got on really well with their mother We decided at the start that in the best interests of the children, we HAD to get on! This is what we did and many years later, we all became very much one family.

I guess I was just interested to see how many others felt they could be 'friends' with an ex no matter how much it hurt in the beginning and I have got the answers . TY

my favorite picture of all time is of my mom and all 3 husbands standing around talking at sisters house.
first 2 have died.mom and my fathers 3rd see each other regular for lunch.i can't stand her myself.
this all came from mom refusing 58 years ago to use me as a war toy.nothing bad was ever said about each other to me.and he was no prize til he stopped drinking.
dad and stepdad were friends in school.
half sibs went to school with my cousins and look at them as family.my stepdads family do not differentiate btwn half/steps/bio.all are family.

I don't have any close friends with second husbands, but my DiL2 is from a split family.

The wedding photos show her father and stepfather sitting next to each other, chatting - they are all linked by the granddaughter and it was a happy family affair - there were only 13 of us.

Not so sure about her mother and step-mother, though - I think they politely avoid each other. (The stepmother is rather a difficult person, but she means well.)

I wouldn't say I'm friends with my ex's new lady but we are certainly "friendly" when we meet. I'm also friendly with my husband's ex wife . Life is too short for holding grudges.

I agree with Stella, being friendly is fine, being actual friends would probably depend on lots of factors.

I see DH’s ex sometimes when babysitting DGS, she has stepped in a couple of times when parents are going to be late home, to give us chance to avoid the worst of the traffic. We get on reasonably well, though I must admit the first time I met her was a little awkward. (I knew him before he left her, though we weren’t together at the time)

My first husband and I split up when our children were very young and he moved abroad. I was pleased when he met someone soon after as I wanted a divorce. Strangely our friendship improved and his wife and I became good friends. They would come and stay for holidays or Christmas which seemed natural and the children loved it but friends and neighbours were shocked and disapproving.
Eventually time and distance made it difficult to continue like that and sadly our relationship soured as he no longer seemed interested in seeing or supporting the children. Nowadays we meet up once a year if they visit this country and see each other as old friends rather than an 'ex' husband/wife.

I've seen my ex a few times when I've had to travel to London to see family. Usually only at the odd funeral or wedding. I would not bother to talk to him, and would pass him without any remarks or greeting at all. At Euston train station a couple of years back, he came over to me with no. 3 or 4 in tow, and proceeded to tell me that I looked tired and had put on weight, total crap, I've been a size 10 for over 30 years. I would have tried to be reasonable, but he left me, for one of his floozies, and then became bitter when he couldn't make a go if it with any of them. When I refused to take him back and I met my wonderful DH through work, he became nasty and I had to take out a restraining order. There is far too much animosity on his side for us to ever even be civil to each other.

I have been divorced from my first husband for over 25 years but his family still invite me and my second husband to their birthday parties etc. I get on well with my ex's second wife and both my daughters seem to like her. I am indifferent to him.

DD is on good terms with her partner's former wife. I want nothing to do with my ex-husband's new wife but this is largely because she is extremely unpleasant to my DD and DS and always has been, even when they were younger. She even ignores DGS (aged 3) when DD visits my ex. So I guess it depends how amicable or otherwise the separation/divorce was and on the personalities of the parties concerned. I wish things were different because we are a small family anyway and it would be good if the support network widened.

I have no problem at all with my ex's new wife. On the other hand he cannot stand to be in the same room as me and no I did not cheat on him, I simply decided that I had had enough of being treated the way he treated me. I would have loved for it to be civilized for the sake of our children but even after 23 years he still holds a grudge.

I am not bitter at all ... my ex was a serial cheating toe rag.I love his wife she did me the biggest favour by taking him off my hands she kept telling me that he loved her and I was holding him back so I let him go reluctantly!!!!! bought up his 4 kids on my own and met the love of my life who sadly passed last year.So I am not bitter he is cheating on her now what an escape....big smile

I instigated the divorce from my 1st husband for both his controlling ways and his meanness. He remarried and things have been fairly civil with us all. At family gatherings I have noticed that even after all these years, he is such a creature of habit ... he sits and drinks everything in sight, and she drives him home ! His wife is very pleasant but does just seem to go along with everything he wants. About 6 years ago he actually told me that if I would have him back he would leave her ! He told my daughter this too ! I do feel sorry for his wife even tho she seems happy.