Feeling guilty

I'm not what is sometimes, unpleasantly, called a martyr but of course I've sometimes felt guilty about my inability to be all things to all my loved ones. janeainsworth example of accidentally spilling red wine (or tea/coffee, even worse, curry) on a someone else's lovely carpet is something many of us will have done. Not feeling guilty or responsible and trying to make amends would be an unusual response I believe.

Fybromalgia is an absolute horror. It causes exhaustion, low mood and constant pain, amongst other things. Nanna 58, I've pm'd you.

Well janeainsworth if such an incident occure then I would obviously be guilty of carelessness, however, I would not have feelings of guilt such as saying 'I feel terrible for spoiling your dress/carpet/whatever', as that usually makes the other person feel that they have to downplay the incident and say it's ok, when they really want to scream.
I simply apologise and go about clearing it up.
As for not being able to fulfil a plan, holiday or similar, I apologise but don't feel guilty if it was not in my power to fulfil it.
In short, no, I never feel guilty. It does nothing to repair the hurt feelings of the other party.
If you yourself feel better when someone says that they feel terrible having to let you down or breaking a favourite vase...that's ok.
I certainly wouldn't take pleasure in hearing someone say that. It does nothing.

*occured

Nanna58 I think you feel bad because it’s not SO much the twins (yes, distract them & they get over it PDQ) but you probably feel ‘guilty’ more for their parents. I imagine you feel awful. But it cannot be helped. You are not well. Another time eh? Big hugs.

Why beat yourself up over something over which you have absolutely no control? You're ill. It happens. Increasingly at my time of life. There will be better times for you to enjoy your Grandchildren. Look forward to them.

If you yourself feel better when someone says that they feel terrible having to let you down or breaking a favourite vase...that's ok.
Of course I wouldn’t take pleasure in someone else’s remorse, gabriella. What an unpleasant suggestion.

Feelings of guilt usually make us act honestly. If you don't feel guilty, you wouldn't apologise would you? Apologies for spilling curry on a carpet, or breaking something in someone else's house must be genuine, or what's the point. It isn't the social norm for people not to feel bad or guilty if they do something like that. Setting about cleaning up without an apology wouldn't work for me, whether I'd been the breaker or the owner.

iam I think the other thing about an apology which expresses genuinely-felt guilt, remorse, sorrow, regret, whatever you want to call it, is that it provides an opportunity for forgiveness.
This then allows the person who has committed the ‘wrong’ to resolve things without ongoing destructive feelings of shame.
(I’m talking generally now, not referring to the OP).

You are not an awful Gran. Everyone gets ill and you can have your dgc to stay on another occasion. Hope you feel well soon.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply.
Hopefully the little ones will be staying over soon. Xx

My full sympathies with you happygran1964. I too have Fibromyalgia, so no exactly how your feeling. No guilt necessary.

I know just how your feeling happgran1964.I too have Fibromyalgia. Don’t beat yourself up.

As a fellow Fibro sufferer I can understand how you are feeling, but hopefully your daughter/son will explain to their children that sometimes their granny is not well enough to look after them and that it can happen quite suddenly. You could always write them a simple letter saying how sorry you were to miss out on this sleepover, but you can't wait to be well enough to do something similar again with them. I treasure every minute I spend with my grandkids and am sure you do, but we can't beat ourselves up when things like this happen as putting yourself under stress will make your illness worse. Sending gentle hugs your way xx