Child home alone

Still in the last year of junior school my sister and me had to get ourselves up and get to school on our own.
When I was 14 my mother had another baby. When he was a month old my mother was admitted to a mental hospital.
My schooling stopped there. With the help of neighbours and a wonderful welfare lady, I coped.
I don't believe children have changed that much and I don't feel we give them much credit or opportunity to mature.
I'm fully aware of all the dangers that are out there, and so are most children.

I was told that someone we know, aged 17, was not attending school regularly because he was home alone (parents separated) and that the school had threatened to bring in Social Services.
However, someone could be married at that age, a parent at that age responsible for another human being etc.

I think that a 12 year old left alone for that length of time would be lonely and susceptible to all kinds of influences online or outside of the home.

petra, your post was very moving and for me, went to the heart of the difficulties many families face. I agree with your comment that we often don't give children or young people credit or the opportunity to mature. I agree that leaving a 12 year old alone for 12 hours regularly isn't in any way ideal.
Many local authorities run clubs for children in that situation. Ours has a club that runs 7 days a week, its supported by an army of volunteers.

Jalima11108 - The legal leaving age is 16 so non school attendance wouldn't be anyone's business but the child and his family. It sounds as though other concerns existed if the school felt there could be a role for Social Services

We know the family; the only concern was that the 17 year old was home alone sometimes and not getting up in time to get to school.
We found it very strange that the school threatened them with Social Services intervention. All seems to be well now.

In fact the age you can leave full time education is no longer 16
Gov.UK says
School leaving age
Your school leaving age depends on where you live.

England
You can leave school on the last Friday in June if you’ll be 16 by the end of the summer holidays.

You must then do one of the following until you’re 18:

stay in full-time education, for example at a college
start an apprenticeship or traineeship
spend 20 hours or more a week working or volunteering, while in part-time education or training
Scotland
If you turn 16 between 1 March and 30 September you can leave school after 31 May of that year.

If you turn 16 between 1 October and the end of February you can leave at the start of the Christmas holidays in that school year.

Wales
You can leave school on the last Friday in June, as long as you’ll be 16 by the end of that school year’s summer holidays.

Northern Ireland
If you turn 16 during the school year (between 1 September and 1 July) you can leave school after 30 June.

If you turn 16 between 2 July and 31 August you can’t leave school until 30 June the following year.

The long time the child would be home alone would concern me. The child would be lonely and often bored - it is a long day for a young one.
I know that for so many there is sadly no choice but to leave children home alone and the parents must feel so worried and stressed because of this.

So much depends on the circumstances and the child. I was a latch-key kid from the age of 10 being left alone for around eight hours by the age of 12. I was not allowed to have friends inside the house.

My three DC were letting themselves in, cooking and self sufficient at ages 10/11/13 as I was working full time by then, and had no adult around for most of the school holidays as that was in the days of 10 - 15 days holiday a year. When my DD1 was just shy of 16 we took the rest of the family on holiday for a week. (She was refusing to come.) She was very self sufficient, we had a good dog and the neighbours kept a close eye on her. Again no friends were allowed inside the house as some were less responsible. The biggest threat was that if she had any parties or friends round in the evening, our Scottish neighbour (in his 70’s) would invite himself and bring whisky! There were no parties!

Things are very different for this generation of kids. There was no internet for me or DD1. No innocuous threat from within. But the threat from the internet is there whether or not the child is alone now that most have smart phones. I would be concerned, as a parent, only if there were no good neighbours around to whom the child could turn in an emergency. So much depends on the child and the circumstances.

My mother and her sister were left alone for days or weeks in the 1920's ...from when Mum was about 10 and her sister was 8. Their father was at sea for months and Mother was " away gallivanting". Some things never change.

When I was 12 I looked after my younger sister and a neighbour's 2 children during the school holidays. I also did the housework including the washing. The only thing I didn't do was the ironing.

12 hours does seem a long time but I don't see why a 12 year old can't be left.

I was a latchkey kid from about 10, and from about 12 or so my mum paid me to cook the dinner for the family so it was ready when she got home from work at about 6 pm. I used to love being home alone as I could watch what tv I liked and help myself to biscuits.

At 12 I'd be more worried about what the kid could be up to than what might happen to him

Children vary so much but at 15 we all went to work and at 14 on the continent sex is allowed. Individual circumstances vary so much and life is often a choice between the lesser of evils.

Many children are primary carers for disabled parents which concerns me more, nobody seems to query that. Primary school kids with responsibilities for siblings and sick parents are just left to cope, age is not an issue for them.

I was a latch key kids, loved the freedom of it and the independence.

That's very true, radical.

Depends on the 12. Year old I suppose....at 12 I’d had a Saturday and Sunday job for a year already... getting up at 4 am to do a milk round 8 hours sat and 5-6 hours Sunday... heavy work!Then home Sunday to help mum cook Sunday lunch for 8 of us. Nobody asked IF you could do it...you just did! I also worked Friday nights collecting milk round payments of those who we couldn’t knock-up too early in saturdays. It made me a wizard with numbers and the working weekends kept me fit.Im 70 and still am a wizard with numbers and still fit I hope. I got into an early habit of walking fast and still walk 40-50 miles a week(fast). Please don’t underestimate most kids ...they can often rise to the occasion and we too often hear of this ‘snowflake’ generation....we can’t have it both ways.Redponsibility matures people...and parents know their own kids best. Stop fussing!

I used to walk home from my junior school in the 70’s aged 8 or 9 and let myself into the house, this would have been just after 3pm. I was then home alone until around 6 when my mother returned home from her work (although sometimes my father arrived home before her he took the train and my mother was in the car).
I wasn’t expected to cook, my mother had laid out a tray of snacks for me in the morning ready, and I used to do my homework in the dining room then watch tv in the sitting room until they came home.
I was an only child and the road on which we lived was full of large detached houses, with old people living in them, no young families so there was no temptation to go out apart from playing in the garden in the summer. I was perfectly safe and sensible, but even so I wouldn’t have felt ok doing this with my own 3 DD’s at such a young age.
I did used to leave my eldest DD to baby sit when she was 13 or 14 for her two small sisters, while I went out to meetings in the evening, but this would have been a maximum of 2 hours and on an occasional basis, also dinner would have been prepared before I went.
12 hours is too long in my opinion

My brother and I were at home in school holidays from when we were 8 and 10. We cooked for ourselves, including a boiling lard in a saucepan for chips and getting dinner ready for the night time. We looked after the coal fire and had household jobs to do. We went shopping on the bus and learned how to handle money .

It was not unusual in the the 1950s, for most of the children in my class to wear a latchkey round our neck.

I only worked school times, but my 9 year old would let himself and be alone for an hour. My 14 and 16 year olds looked after their little brother each morning while I was a work during school holidays.

I think we underestimate children’s capabilities. None of my 8 grandchildren. enjoyed the freedom of going off on their own, until they were young teens. I don’t think the dangers are more now than when we were growing up.

I'm just thankful thatI never needed to go to work when I was married. My joy was being 'at home' with our children.
Now that I'm a gran and GG, my children or their husbands/wives, manage to be at home before and after school and during school holidays. Their jobs allow them to never leave their children to fend for themselves until they're 16 or staying with friends whose parents are known to the family.

It’s another of these “ how do you raise your kids” scenario’s and we all have differing views. I personally would never have been able to leave my 3 as I would’ve worried far too much ... however, I was very fortunate that I was never in that situation. I had tremendous support from parents and my Nan ... many are not so lucky. Plus these days so many Mums just have to go out to work whether they want to or not. It’s a sad decision that so many parents have to make.

I was a latch key child as well in the 1950s. from about aged 7. Mum swapped jobs sometime so her hours varied. School holidays my brother who was 3 years older was supposed to keep an eye on me. But I do remember him duplicating a science experiment for me, that involved fixing a rubber tube to a gas tap in the kitchen and blowing soap bubbles filled with gas which he popped with a glowing splint! It made a great bang! But we survived. Of course we had no phone, no internet, no mobiles, in fact no way to contact anyone if anything went wrong

That's far too young to be left alone for 12 hours! 2 hours, perhaps.

My mum never left any of us alone, and I was the same with my 2 sons (they're in their 30s now).... I didn't work full-time until the youngest son was 15, and even then it was shift work of a few hours during the day and a few hours in the evening, when my husband was home.

I had various part-time jobs at times, but only when my sons were at school or in the evening when my husband was there.

Money was a real struggle, and we had a mortgage, but my husband and I went without things so that our boys could have new clothes, shoes, etc.

Too many people these days want (and expect) everything - a job, house, car, holidays, the latest electronic things, etc.

From age 12 DD was left at home in the morning to get ready for School, she used to walk to her friends & they went in together. School was only a couple of streets away. The same happened after School, sometimes she had a friend round or went to a friends. We didn't get home until 5.30 at the earliest. During the Holidays I would go to work early (Flexi time) & take the afternoons off.

When DD was 16 she was getting ready to go to School when she had an Epileptic Seizure, she managed to ring my office & get through to me although she wasn't making much sense, one of the senior staff took me home, DD was in bed. She has no recollection of ringing me, getting into bed or placing towels on the floor as she was usually sick after a seizure.

I brought DD up to be independent as I was a single parent for 3 years from when she was 5 & I returned to College full-time. 12 hours is a long time to leave a 12 year old though, I never did that but sometimes it is impossible to be there with your child(ren)

This was something that resonated with me, especially today. I live with my daughter and grandchildren (GS almost 15, GD1 11 and GD2 almost 9), I usually mind the children whilst my daughter works full time but today I had an appointment just after 9am and would be gone about two hours, DD had a meeting at work so couldn't be at home in my place. I had arranged with GD2 to take her with me but she wouldn't get out of bed! DD told me not to worry and to go to my appointment, she woke GS up and told him to get up and wait until I got back before going back to bed (he normally appears about midday) I was going to cancel my appointment but DD told me to go, she wasn't worried about leaving GS in charge although I was! In the end I was only gone for an hour but I was relieved to find everything was okay when I got home (and I had texted my GD2 to let her know I was on the bus home). I worry far more about my GC than I did about my own children, GC seem to be much more immature for their ages than my DS and DD were at the same age (and definitely more immature than I was - at 15 I was working weekends and holidays and was left at home for two weeks whilst my parents and younger brother went on holiday!)

I never left either of my children alone when they were of primary school age, probably not until they were about 14 and, even then, they would be with friends or other people's parents. I worried about the dangerous roads, their doing something dangerous in the house and about other people. They seem to be quite capable of managing for themselves now they are older.

Having said that, my parents were not well off and both worked. In the summer holidays I was left alone for the working day and rejoiced in the freedom to be out and about with my friends. Nothing untoward happened and I learned to look after myself.

I was babysitting for neighbours' children by the age of 12.

I was also pretty free-range from the age of 7 or 8. There were limits on where I was 'allowed' to go, but to be honest, I often went where I wanted regardless. We lived in the countryside, so once away from the houses, I/we could do as we pleased.

Ironically, I can remember that my mum didn't like the idea of leaving me alone in the house even when I was 10, unless it was just for a very brief time, yet I could be alone outside all day! (This was late 60s/early 70s.)

I never left any of my children home alone until they were 14 and I knew they could be trusted. Even then they had my phone number and the number of a friend who lived close by should any unexpected problem occur. I paid for them to go to a childminder for an hour after school until they were 14 even though they were annoyed by it and insisted they would be fine at home alone for 1 hour until I got home. You can never be too careful with precious children. I would not leave a 12 year old home alone for even 1 hour but I am probably over cautious. 12 hours home alone is surely bordering on neglect.