Child home alone

My grandmother was the eldest of several (not sure exactly how many) children. Her father had died and so her mother had to work (no welfare state in those days),so she was left to get the others to school, then go to school herself. Consequently she was often late for school. There was always a nun with a stick behind the door and she was beaten most days for being late. She had to look after the others after school too. Not quite sure what age this started, but she was quite young, as she left school at 14.

I was a latch key kid from about ten onwards; as far as I remember it was my job to cook dinner before mum came home. To be fair, I was a very responsible child.

12 hours seems too much though.

When i was a child I had to look after my brother who was 6 years younger than me. My useless mother was a barmaid and was never around much, and i was left to look after my db and do the housework, as well as cooking and washing. My dad, bless him, worked every hour that he could, but he went out to the pub every night

In the 50's we were left alone in school holidays. Only from 10 am to 3 pm. Most Mum's seemed to work only part-time in those days. I was in charge of my brother who was 6 years younger than me. We knew we had to behave though.

I left a 15 year old in charge of 12 year old both very sensible, but, a ‘friend’ decided it wasn’t right and called the police. They were removed to my ex husbands against their will, very distressing for all. Long time ago now but still remember it well.

Where is 14 the age of consent radicalnan?I'm sure you are right that sex is legal at that age somewhere, but here in Denmark youngsters of both sexes must be 15 before it is legal. They cannot buy a drink in a pub until they are 18, but may buy beer in a supermarket at the age of 16.

And even although sex is legal at 15, they cannot marry before they are 18, unless they have legal permission to do so, granted by a court on the basis of whether they are mature enough to get married.

The law is vague about leaving children alone at home here too, but it is recommended not to leave children under 10 alone, even for half-an- hour and that children over ten should only be left for a couple of hours.

We do however have many after school clubs and the school day is now only about and hour shorter than most adults' working day. But for those with a long distance between home and work, or all the many who work shifts it is a problem.

That's appalling, Hildagard. I hope you put the woman in her place. 15 and 12...both old enough to be alone.

It's very interesting to see the different life experiences of people.

My parents were very laid back about me going out on my own or with friends - whether at my graddad's house in Suffolk or in Romford where I lived. I can recall, at the age of around 13, going some distance away from home to a rhythm and blues club and catching the bus home at around 11.

However, I was an only child and if I'd been asked to take responsibility for younger children I would have been hopeless - they would have run rings round me. I was also not at all independent in terms of cooking or any other practical issues, which I regret.

I think giving young people responsibility and ensuring they have practical life skills is generally a good thing and will stand them in good stead as they get older.

Leaving a 12 year old for several hours is perhaps not ideal but sometimes people have no other option.

Hildegard I left a 15 year old in charge of a 12 year old and 7 year old in the mornings of school holidays while I was working (I used to go in as early as possible and would be home by lunch-time) and they were fine.
15 year old was (and is still) very sensible.

The Vatican city has 14 as the age of consent.

It’s such a shame. I am sure their are Grans who would look in on other people’s children but everything has to go through agencies because of a few wicked people. I have just applied to do a voluntary role which I have got but the hoops you have to go through. It could easily put you off . I even had to book my own course online. Most people are good and kind. I see the mention of youth clubs coming back but who would want to do them with the fear of accusations, attacks and entitled parents! And expected to do it for free. My rant sorry.

I wouldnt feel right if a child of twelve was left alone for so many hours, its a shame and the child would get bored after a few hours I am sure. Its different if they have a relative living close or a neighbour they can go in to but totally alone is asking for trouble, children need stimulance.

One of the reason many children get into trouble is because of inadequate supervision and too much time on their hands and as the saying says the devil makes work for idle hands

I would certainly not leave a 12 year old alone for as long as 12 hours, certainly not other than in an emergency, and depending how far away the responsible adult was.

It is complicated and, as has been commented, it depends on circumstances.

My Mum worked part-time but my Dad was a church minister and could manage his time so he was home when Mum wasn't. However every Sunday evening they both went to the evening service leaving me and my sister, roughly 12 and 9, home alone for an hour and a half. I recall being very anxious about every bang or creak and one evening someone kept knocking at the door and we had been told not to answer the door so this really frightened me.
I would hate to think of children under 12 being left for more than an hour or two and even at 12 I wouldn't want them to be left all day or in charge of younger siblings. I'm really surprised there is no law against this!

12 hours does seem a long time, but I would be happy leaving a 12 year old for several hours. I guess parents know their own children and what they are capable of? I remember when I was 6 I went on the train to London with my mother, we met her sister and 11 year old son at Victoria and he took me to the Tower of London for the whole day, whilst the 'mums' went shopping. We had only known them for a couple of years, as my mum and her sister were they were not brought up together!
My sister was much older than me and had a two year old and when she was pregnant with her second I used to catch the bus to her house and collect the two year old, taking her on the bus back to my mother's to give my sister a break - I was 10! I was definitely babysitting by the time I was 13.
I used to leave my son for a couple of hours when he was 11 as he got so bored watching his younger sisters swimming or dancing lessons! And DD1 (now mother of 3) is horrified that I left her, aged about 9 months) in her cot asleep for 10 - 15 mins twice a week to walk about 250 yards and collect DS from the playgroup up the road, so I didn't have to wake her. On reflection it was probably ill advised but it worked for me at the time and they survived! Not much different to my mum leaving me in my pram at the end of the garden while she did her chores really!

I never left my chikdren on their own until they were 14 plus. In the school holidays when I worked part time I used to employ a local college gurl who was pleased to be earning some money. They had a wonderful time with her. When my youngest was 12 my DM looked after him during school holidays although I only worked part time. One day she was invited out so I asked my next door neighbour if DS could go into their house for the morning but her reply was no. My boss's wife said DS could go into work with me and could spend the morning in their house next door with her son. A week or so later there was a knock on the door and there stood a SW. She said she had reason to believe I had left my 12 year old son alone in the house on such and such a day. I hadn't as I said but it was quite obvious who had rung SS. Yet we had done so much for her family.

Wow that is a long time. If the parents worked say from 7am to 7pm which is 12 hours there is still the travelling to and from work to factor in. Poor child how lonely they must feel. Life is making parents make difficult choices, and can be so hard now adays.Life was hard when i was younger but in a different way i suppose. The next generation will look back and say more or less the same thing.

Children are far more capable than adults give the credit for. The devil doesn't always make work for idle hands. I never got into trouble when I was alone and neither did my DDs. If the children have been brought up to be independent and aware then they'll be fine. The problem is that children are wrapped in cotton wool these days and this stifles their development and keeps them childlike for longer. This does them no favours. DDs had friends who went off the rails or had problems when they were suddenly free at 15 or 16 because they hadn't learned the skills needed to be out in the real world.

VQ, I agree in principle, if you have children you trust, but much of the gang violence and stabbings in London and general truancy and bad behaviour that is more and more common, comes from children, left without proper supervision for long periods together, getting together in gangs and, to put it mildly, getting into mischief. Some children are also inherently irresponsible. DD had a friend like that and a friend of mine had a son who was equally unable to foresee the dangers some of his actions would cause.

The problem with younger children, like 12 year olds left alone is that yes, they are responsible and reliable while everything is going OK, but they do not necessarily have the ability to deal with emergencies.

I think we sometimes overstate the extent that children are mollycoddled these days. They face dangers with traffic and parking, among other things, that we did not, which stops them playing out in the road as we did, but from 11 most children in urban areas are taking themselves to and from schools that are often some distance from home and rquiring them to catch buses, or even trains, or walk and cycle several miles.

I think it's illegal to leave a child alone like that for 12 hours. What are the parents thinking??

I'm think the law is quite archaic and includes something about leaving a child where there is an open fire, or something.

No 12 year-old should be left alone for 12 hours a day. (Presumably, they would be at school for a good part of the day.) But no, one hour between school and a parent getting home, max! (And even that's pretty sad, and should be avoided!)
I had a part-time job when my children were young, and was able to take them to school and pick them them up. They were never left alone in the house.
Priorities seemed to have changed now. It's all about having a job and money! In my day, my children came first!

I think the world is a very different place today from the days when I (we) were children - even when my children were young in the early 70's. Although my parents were in business and we lived in or above the different premises I was often left to my own devices. I walked the two miles to school every day on my own or with friends and when I was 12 got a job on a Sat looking after a 2 year old while her mum ran their guest house and waiting on tables for her during the week after school then running round the corner to do the same in a pub. My parents regularly went out on an evening dancing and left me on my own. They once left me in a caravan supposedly asleep while they went to the pub - their friend's 17 year old son in the next van was meant to keep an ear out for me but I remember crying for what seemed like hours and he didn't hear - I was about 6 or 7 at the time.

My eldest son was 11 when we left him in charge of his younger brother for the first time while we went to the shops - they were fine but I wouldn't have left them any longer at that age. We did go on holiday for the first time without them when he was 17 and his brother 14 but my parents were only round the corner so we knew they would be looked after.

I think 12 hours is a very long time to be left alone too but with most parents having to both work these days it's often not an option for alternatives. Depends on the child and how independent they are.

Lyndiloo. I agree that it's not ideal, but what are parents, or possibly a lone parent, supposed to do in the school holidays? Those who earn enough can pay for childcare, and some of those who don't earn enough are lucky enough to have grandparents or other family willing and able to help out, but what about those on low income with neither of those options available to them? They can't just give up their job for the holidays! Life is very difficult for many people. I feel that for these people, their priority is to keep enough money coming in to keep a roof over their heads, not to have money to burn. It is a shame that in-work benefits don't include an element to cover childcare costs over school holidays for those on a low income

A straight 12 hours is far to long, especially every day although of course it depends on the maturity & nature of a child . Feel sad for any family in this situation.