Welcome to the new Argy Bar and cafe, abandon hope all ye who enter here.?

The only secret mission the Air Marshall is on, is with me!!!!!
I hope Marydoll doesn't find out, I've been entertained on his private jet! ?.
Well, that's what he called it!!!

Nothing gets past me

I'm watching you!! The Air Marshal is mine, all mine!

If I disappear it's not because I have been kidnapped by some love god, it's because my gn is playing up, no wild parties please while I'm struggling please

Your gn? Hmmmm, gown? Are you going to the Ball again?
Anyway, excuses, smooches, come in here soon as it’s your turn to mop out the cellar.
Now, what shall I have tonight? A pint of Old Peculiar Feet please and a schooner of sherry.
Who’s in the bar? Ah..... I’m off to sit on the Captain’s knee ( hope he’s feeling strong.)

Ok I'll do my fair share of cleaning as I like to pull my weight, however after eating and drinking all last weekend, that is some weight. My gn seems to be working now and it's not my gown Lemon, I have only got stuck in a dress once before for your info which is why I only wear sparkly tracksuits now.

meno that tracksuit is blinding with the strobe lights shining on it. I wish you'd stop waving your legs in the air it's giving me a headache to say nothing of the effect it's having on incoming aircraft, they think it's their runway. The Air Marshal will be coming into land soon if you're not careful and he's got a fully loaded buffy on board and an irate marydoll coming in on a tail wind behind ?

If I spread my legs into a runway I may never walk again

My hips are not what they were

Keep your legs straight Meno! Me and the Air Marshall are coming in to land. We've had a lovely couple of days away!
I'll be ready for a pint of Old Peculiar with a Pernod chaser when I get there. You can't miss me, he's bought me lovely clothes.
Tiger skin, thigh high boots, red sequined frock and I've had my hair dyed, brassy blonde. I have the Air Marshall under my spell now, Marydoll will have to make do with the Admiral.

Haha, he’s easily spellbound then Buffy.... mind you, he’s not as young as he was, 85 at the very least, so his sight may not be all that good either.
Happy landings, ( be careful, he may have a dicky ticker!)

I know from experience, he is as blind as a bat and can't distinguish one hussy from another.

You lot crack me up!

Just go back and read the first page of this thread.

I know I am not a member...do you have a membership? - but I might sneak in and sit by the door nursing a treble rum and black and a packet of pork scratchings and eavesdrop. I have ghastly er, tasteful sequinned tops and hot pants so I am sure I'll look inconspicuous.

Did someone say there might be military men, in uniform, frequenting the establishment later? All bits have just perked up.

Ooooo! The rotter, he told me he was only 65!
He's still a frisky old devil though.
And after 10 pints of Poteen he looks pretty good.

Come on in Day6 no membership needed but you have to be on the duty rota, bar duty, locking up, cleaning duties,
Checking the cellars etc.
You could start by getting your marigolds on and washing last night’s sticky beer glasses.
Yes, all kinds of men in uniform make a beeline for our bar,
We do our modest best to make them welcome!
Your dress sense sounds wonderful, we love sequins here.

Day6, the only criteria for joining is you have to be crazy, have a penchant for men, (any men) and drink strange concoctions. Are you in?

PS. Stay away from MY men in uniforms. They may be decrepit, but "any port" in a storm, as they say.

I really think you’ve had enough port for tonight marydoll, just stick to lemonade for now.

Day 6 After reading Lemon's post, I have just realised you also need to be clever with words.

day6 be warned, once over the threshold you will never be able to escape. You might think you can go back to being an ordinary gransnetter but the allure of the Argy will keep pulling you back in. Is it the smell of the stale food, the ferret wee, marydoll's underwear unmistakable perfume, lemon's poteen, the crunch of pork scratchings (and other unmentionables) underfoot? Who knows. But you will be drawn in to the inner circle of goings on. Before you know what's happened you'll be hanging from the rafters in a sequinned thong singing saucy songs and downing pints like there's no tomorrow. Don't say I didn't warn you. Welcome by the way. ? Mines a double.?

....and that’s just your chin Doodle but since I’m here I’ll pour you a pint.
I thang kew Marydoll but you should also mention my magnificent cleavage!

No lemon you've got it wrong again. I keep telling you cleavage is what women have at the front. Wearing that backless dress down to your knees is not showing your cleavage it's showing your over generous behind ?

I feel another initiation ceremony coming on, I'll prepare the 'special punch'

I had it done specially Doodle (the bum) as huge ones are all the rage!

Thank you regulars for a lovely warm welcome. How nice.

Just to let you know I tried to do the washing up but many punters wouldn't hand over their glasses. They repeated that the "night was young" so I deduced at 2.30am we were having a lock-in. I stacked the clean glasses but by the time I waded through the spillage and freed myself from the sticky carpets - they played havoc with my platform wellies - and staggered out into the cold night air they'd all been used again.

I'll be back. My sort of establishment.

Hold on Day6 you need a pint of my special punch before you head home, brace yourself

*Ñoooooooooo! Don't drink it Day6, it has terrible side effects.?