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Relocating after 30 years

(33 Posts)
Happilyretired123 Sun 10-Jun-18 20:38:42

We are considering relocating to Norwich where I grew up, having lived in a medium size town half an hours train ride from Central London for the last 30 years.
My main worry is that we would be leaving behind our 27 year old son and his partner who live close by (no children yet...) and would also be about 2 hours drive further away from our daughter and teenage grandchildren who already live 140 miles away. Also many of our friends are local.However we also have a son who lives with his wife and her child near Norwich.
We want to move as property is a bit cheaper, we love the city and also the proximity of countryside and the coast. We are fit and active in our mid 60s.
Have any gransnetters relocated after a long time in the same place? What were your experiences? Any advice welcome-a hard decision to make!

BBbevan Sun 10-Jun-18 20:58:20

Yes we relocated 2years ago after 40 years in the same house. Best thing we ever did,though we are now 5hrs drive away from Ds,Dil and GSs

seacliff Sun 10-Jun-18 21:19:20

It's difficult when family are so spread out. You are fit and healthy now, but presumably this might be your last move. If so, one thing to consider perhaps, what happens eventually when you are a lot older and then there is sadly only one of you?

Is there one of your children who you think would be more likely to visit regularly and be a help, when you needed more assistance? I know it's not fair to expect too much from our children, but it's lovely if you do have a caring child near by.

Of course, if you move to be near a child, there's always the chance they will move away in the future themselves, job opportunities etc.

Norwich has a lot going for it I think. I'm sure you'd make new friends easily.

TwiceAsNice Mon 11-Jun-18 07:29:42

I moved after divorce after living in roughly the same area all my life ( lived no more than 20 miles radius in that time from the place that I was born)

I moved to be close to my two daughters and grandchildren who are now 2 mins walk away. I have been here nearly two years and have made friends , work part time and volunteer for a charity one morning a week. I have settled but am still homesick sometimes for "home" . I regularly drive 150 miles each way to stay with friends and miss not seeing them regularly as before. Definitely weigh up the advantages and dis advantages before you make your decision.

NanKate Mon 11-Jun-18 07:58:21

I have a number of friends who have relocated and I am really surprised at how little homework they do beforehand to check out their new home area. There have been one or two successes and some disasters. One friend when she writes to me always says Hello from OM (Outer Mongolia) that says it all.

I would strongly advise you making a list of things you really want in your new area. Possibly rent somewhere for a short while to try it out.

I am pleased you are fit and well now but it would be worth checking nearest medical facilities, transport etc for the future.

Hope I haven’t sounded too pessimistic but detailed pre planning is vital.

Panache Mon 11-Jun-18 08:03:24

We moved back to the peace of the countryside after loving 25 years at the seaside which was getting busier year on year.

Only fairly recently we have realised we actually left our heart at the seaside,whilst 14 years older health........and age......reminds us that actually we need to be within walking distance (preferably) of all main amenities.
So I think what with children to consider, although of an age when they fend for themselves,you have much deep thinking to do.

What you can do today you may not manage in another 10 years and so.

Wishing you good luck on the choice you make..............but I urge you to think deeply,long and hard.

Brunette10 Mon 11-Jun-18 08:41:33

I can fully appreciate how you feel but you have to ask yourself the main reason, if it's finance and you will have a better life and not have to worry about financial outgoings that's fine BUT if you are happy enough with the rest of your life why put yourself through the worry.

annep Tue 12-Jun-18 08:44:11

Well based on our experience we talked quite a few years ago about moving to where any of our children were. Only one of our five children is now in the same place. I'm not sure how much children want the responsibility of helping parents nowadays ( and I do know some are very caring)
Convenience of location is important. Change can be exciting and energising. Will going back provide this. Good luck with your decision. 😊

Nandalot Tue 12-Jun-18 09:00:54

We haven’t relocated but my sister and BIL moved to Norwich about five years ago. They went to university there. They absolutely love it. There is lots to do with the arts and a huge swimming pool at the university. They have a very small sailing boat on The Broads. They have never been happier.

Azie09 Tue 12-Jun-18 09:07:51

We moved from a busy city to a small town. It has been wonderful, it was a relief to downsize, we love the area where we've moved, there's lots to do and we feel rejuvenated.
It hasn't been entirely a success on the family front because two of our three have now moved themselves and our now located in London, on the South Coast and in Liverpool so we have to take life as it comes! Thank goodness for Skype, Facebook, etc which means we feel closer than ever as a family even if the face to face is strung out! You have to think what's right for you.

Deni1963 Tue 12-Jun-18 10:23:33

I moved from London to Suffolk 6 years ago. Never regretted it. And now my daughter and family have moved here too. I have made new friends, new job and much more active !

Jaycee5 Tue 12-Jun-18 10:24:22

If you are not far from the coast you will probably find the family will want to visit. Would there be somewhere for them to sleep for a week or so?
If you are moving to a cheaper area, it will be difficult to move back as the property value will obviously not increase at the same rate but it will not be impossible and you should not assume that you would not be able to move again should your circumstances change, particularly if you are left on your own. It is not that unusually for people to move in their 80s.
Personally, I think that I would go but it is such a personal choice that that is not particularly relevant.
Have you been to stay in that area for longer than a week recently? If you can afford to go and stay for a month, I would do that maybe at a gloomy time of year and see how you feel.

grandtanteJE65 Tue 12-Jun-18 10:29:39

We moved from a major city to a small country town 2 years ago and so far the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Our cost of living has gone down, as all our expenses for the house, utility bills, insurance are lower here, which does make a difference.

Our son and daughter-in-law are like all "young" people (they are in their late thirties and mid-forties) busy, so yes, we see less of them than we would if we were still in the same city, but even there we wouldn't see them all that much any way.

Later, this house and garden may become too much, but if so as property prices are rising again here, we should be able to sell at a profit and buy something more suited to our old age if that becomes necessary.

I would say, move if you want to go back to your roots. There are no way of knowing whether you children remain where they are living right now. Their generation is much more mobile than we were.

Cabbie21 Tue 12-Jun-18 10:45:13

We moved 60 miles four years ago after living in the same place for over 30 years. We are now 10 minutes drive from daughter who pops in to our small town from her village quite often and may drop by. Occasionally granddaughter gets off the school bus near us and comes for tea or I might be asked to collect grandson from his village school if daughter is out, but we don’t see a huge amount of them and I am aware they might move away once grandchildren have left school.
My son lives 25 mins away and occasionally we manage to get together.
My husband’s adult children live miles away, but he visits, usually on his own, for various reasons.
Mostly our lives do not re love around the family. We have our own interests and commitments, church, garden, choirs, voluntary work, days out, so we keep busy.
We chose where we now live for its amenities, shops within walking distance, good bus, train and road connections, library, doctors etc all easy access. We are not likely to get snowed in or flooded.
All these factors weighed heavily in our decision and we have no regrets, hope this helps.

Cabbie21 Tue 12-Jun-18 10:46:37

Meant to say, our lives do not revolve around the family.( we do love them! )

pheasant75 Tue 12-Jun-18 10:46:53

It is always going to be hard to move away from family ,however I have 3 grown up family all have moved away, they all have phones etc but only make contact when they want something? have spoken to many parents who are in the same boat it seems as though this generation are different to our generation. have a brother in his early 70.s has had bowel cancer and a number of ops his family all in the 40 .s similar situation don't visit or phone unless ?? I would suggest you do whats right for you , your health seems good so why not enjoy a new lease of life, if they want to visit they will as time allows your new life begins now

wilygran Tue 12-Jun-18 12:05:40

I've moved away and back - twice! We moved back finally for all the reasons mentioned above- closeness to facilities, support networks, hospitals, family etc etc. The way you feel now & things you can do often aren't the same 10 years on. Priorities & practicalities change.
We were cautious and able to rent out, rather than sell our home, and I'm grateful for that now we're more dependent on having good NHS services nearby. Also we were able to have a wonderful time away while we were fit enough to enjoy new places & experiences, but still had our old place to come back to. Good luck with whatever you decide.

quizqueen Tue 12-Jun-18 13:18:54

Why not rent for a year ( and rent out your own property to cover the costs) to see if your vision of living in Norwich works out. You will experience the logistics of visiting family and how often they bother to come to you as well and will have plenty of time to find the exact area which suits you best

Nanny41 Tue 12-Jun-18 13:24:22

Think hard before making any decisions, and as others have said, think of the future too.We re- located four years ago to semi rural after 43 years in the same place, which I loved.We live only half an hours drive from our old location, so I am easily able to drive to see my old friends and neighbours, as we havent got to know many people here, I think maybe it is because everyone in this little community is much younger than we are,and its hard to get to know them, they are working, then busy when they get home, also in this Country it is winter for six months and nobody stands about talking.
Think twice Happilyretired123

westerlywind Tue 12-Jun-18 14:05:49

I think it depends on personal circumstances.
If you are a couple at the time of the move it is a very different story from being in a single state however that came about.
I think you have to view the situation with the knowledge that one or other of you could and likely will end up alone.
I am looking at moving away and I have already become a lone person. I also have NC AC and DGC so there is little point in me staying where I am less than happy. I just need to find the right place.

NfkDumpling Tue 12-Jun-18 14:32:53

Since I live ten miles north of Norwich and am born and bred I’m slightly biased, but I can say that DD1 and family who live the other side of Aylesbury love to come and stay. (They’re about a 3-4 hour drive away.). There’s plenty to do and the DGC and SiL love it. We see more of them since they moved further away.

Also, The Times had an article last week about how wonderful Norwich is - and how commutable! You may well find your son and partner follow you!

I think you should do what you want for your future as grown children cannot be relied on to stay where you are. DS didn’t think twice about working in New Zealand for a year, or taking a contract to work in Antarctica. He’s brought his family back to Norwich now, but I wouldn’t take bets on them staying for good. We have DD2 living close and they’re not likely to move, but you never know.

NfkDumpling Tue 12-Jun-18 14:39:51

Plus, if you grew up in Norwich you know the good and not so good areas. Although the city has grown considerably - and is growing still - that hasn’t changed!

lemongrove Tue 12-Jun-18 16:24:50

Norfolk is a very peaceful place to live, and houses are so much cheaper to buy there.
Also you have family there already.I would go for it, and tell your other son and partner to come and stay with you whenever they like.
Your other family are already a long way from you, but will surely come and visit.

Newatthis Tue 12-Jun-18 17:20:56

After 15 house moves and insisting that this was going to be my final move, now, after 14 years were moving again - and like you very reluctantly. Our daughter lives in London -3 1/2 hours away and we see very little of her, so for all the right reasons we want to move. We live in an idyllic part of the country and in a lovely home and will have to move into something much smaller and probably find more money to do so as it is a North/South move!! Lots of sympathy and empathy for you. Hope it all goes well.

squirrel5 Tue 12-Jun-18 19:53:52

I also live near Norwich,it is a lovely city,plenty to do,and as others have said,near country and coast and broads.My older brother recently moved here from the Midlands
to be near to me(baby sister),as his wife died and did not fancy going nearer London where his son lives,,.He has really settled in,joined choirs,and has a few like minded friends,and he is 82,,so if the logistics work,go for it Happilyretired☺