My grandson

It’s difficult to offer any advice without knowing more but at least he has you and seeing your GP is a good start if you are struggling. Well done for stepping up to look after him.

How old is he? What are the problems that keep him from school?

Sorry but you don’t give enough information for anyone to offer constructive advice
Hope it all works out x

I wonder how you were given custody as that might make a difference to how you proceed? Does he have a social worker or other person involved in his care?

Are you in touch with the school and the guidance staff there?

It must be very difficult for you to try and cope with the situation, so I hope your GP has some helpful advice for you.

I was awarded custody of my GD aged 4,she is now 19 and we have had to deal with each stage of her life with appropriate help,Doctor is a good starting point and a referral to CAMHS,.which is child and adolescent mental health services,however there is a waiting list,I would check if you a have a Family Action team in your area,who have been very supportive at times when we have asked for help,I in turn volunteered for them and found the training beneficial at home.Also your child social services if you have a social worker in cases where a guardian ad listen is awarded in cases of conflict act for the child and can be instrumental in getting help that is needed. If a case of bereavement a fantastic organisation called Winstons Wish also play a big part in helping with coming to terms and understanding.. ..hope this helps

Guardian ad litem

Thank you downtoearth, that is very helpful

Thank you everyone, i am slowly getting through all your comments

how old is the child please? That would give us a better idea of how to help.

Flasha6...hope you get the support that you deserve,I also was awarded a special guardianship order,if this is so in your case ask about the SGO allowance,as the money enables you to provide outings and treats that may be out of reach if money is tight,also child tax credits if on a reduced income,child benefit also,at a time when you may be overwhelmed with all that is happening,you may not have the energy to look for all that you are entitled to,If I can be of any other help to you I am happy for you to PM me ...

Sorry he is 12 .

He is 12, he had a bad trauma 6 years ago, he suffers from anxieties, stress and emotional attachment issues.

Oh dear, i,m sorry to all that have answered i,m not very good online, and i am trying to work out how to answer everyone. think i,ve done some wrong. i am still working through all the replies, thank you everyone.

Flasha6, you have done nothing wrong but in order to give useful advice we need to know a little more about you and your grandsons background.
Please keep posting, lots of non- judgemental advice from those who have been through this on here.

PS, Flasha6, nobody expects an individual answer so please don't worry about that.

would home education after a period of deschooling take some pressure off?

I would suggest that he definitely needs to see a counsellor. It sounds as if he's had a lot of problems in his background, and moving home is a huge transition for him. He's bound to be somewhat unsettled.

I also agree with the idea of home education. If you're not in a position to teach him yourself, would online education be a possibility? I attended an online school for Grades 9-12. I live in Canada so I'm not sure what would be available in the UK, but I strongly suspect there might be something. This way he would have real teachers and you would not have to design your own curriculum, but he could still work at home. The way my program was designed, we were just told, "Here's your assignment. It's due on this day (usually Friday or Sunday). Have fun." Exactly how we organized our time to get it done was up to us. Our teachers were always available by email if we needed help.

Hi, thank you everyone for your supportive messages. an update for you. sadly it seems all departments involved dont seem to speak or help the other. we,ve been to the g.p twice this week, i,ve emailed so many organisations , it seems my grandson is suffering from severe trauma, and i,ve been told that most of trauma children dont do well in mainstream school. i have an appointment to see the senco lady at his school on Monday, he still hasnt attended school all week. The most disappointing aspect of all this is that i had a meeting yesterday with his social worker and another sw, i told them that i am desperate for some help , as i mentioned in my original post it really is a sad and complex case, and if any of you would like to know more info on this i am happy to share in a private message, as i said i,m not good online and i have no idea who can see these messages. Anyway instead of the help i was hoping for from ss, 2 hours after our meeting they hand posted a letter through my door, telling me that this was a private arrangement between my daughter and i, and basically they wont help, and the letter even said i need to ask his parents for financial support... firstly i didnt even mention the financial side to them, other than to say i,ve been told this is classed as a kinship, and secondly i am fuming they even put his fathers name on the letter. i am fuming about it. so anyway it seems i have made a little progress, but it sadly it seems we still have a long way to go.

www.kinshipcarers.co.uk

aquarius.org.uk/contact/kinship-care/
forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2375731

I have done a search for kinship forums and these came up with quite a few more too. I hope this may help in some way.
Good luck

flasha I have no advice to offer I'm afraid just say I hope you get some help for yourself and grandson. It sounds as though he is lucky to have you with him. Hopefully other more knowledgeable GN will be able to help.

If you have been told they can’t help because it’s a private arrangement (not sure I understand that) are there any children’s charities in the area that you could approach for advice
If you are able to be at home I wouldn’t make him go to school there seem to be very few structures around home schooling He sounds as if he is suffering from Post Traumatic stress disorder and needs some specialist counselling
Do you have a husband/ partner to take some stress away from you Does he connect with you ?
?

I am single, and this is the letter, I don't know if I am being over sensitive but I feel this has really upset me.

My understanding of the letter is children's services for your area are saying that your GS is yours and his parents who retain PR, financial responsibility,BUT that isn't what I believe you have been asking for Flasha,you have asked for help for your GS mental health,which surely should be supported regardless of who he lived with,I hope I have understood that correctly,a child's welfare is at stake,not whose financial responsibility it is.

That is an appalling letter. It has focussed totally on funding, which you have not asked for. It has missed the plea for help for you and your Grandson’s welfare.

Please contact the Place2Be, which is a Child’s. mental Health Charity. I am sure they will advise you.. I believe that the NSPCC also might help. They do a lot of support work that is not related to Child Cruelty.