Rude Songs!

I should be ashamed to remember most of these.
Plus a ruder version of Popeye the Sailorman.
And a selection of rude limericks.eg
There was a young man of Devises
Whose balls were of two different sizes.
The one that was small
Was no good at all
But the other was big and won prizes.

Rufus You do know how to use Google, don't you? I hope your reluctance to do your own research into this subject isn't because the songs seem dirtier to you when you can imagine a laydee singing/reciting them? That would completely put a lot of gransnetters off replying to any of your posts

OH and I have had a good laugh reading these rhymes. He's just reminded me of one about a young lady called Dinah.

Dinah, Dinah show us yer leg
A yard above the knee,etc

The rich girl uses Vaseline
The poor girl uses lard
But Dinah uses axle grease

Sorry, can't remember the next line!!!

Surely you know that one Rufus!

Pollyperkins; I do now! But is that all there is?

Cheers

Twas on the good ship Venus
Sodapop; Given that you've claimed to be one of the "raunchy lot", could please post the full works, or anyone else come to that?.
I can then print out some copies for our "Over 80's Club" singalong.! By Thursday will be fine.
Many thanks!

Martha I remember Andy Willians quoting that which his 6 yr old told him. He asked her 'Why did she leave her knickers in his car' she replied 'I don't really know perhaps she was changing for PE?'!!

Yep I also sang the worm song at school in London.
I was completely floored one day when my then 7 year old DD sang proudly 'ooh ahh I lost my bra, I left my knickers in my boyfriend's car'

Elegran, crossed posts, great (or dirty) minds!

I remembered some of this, but had to google to find all the verses

Now, this is number one
And the fun has just begun.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.

[CHORUS]
Roll me over, in the clover,
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.

Now, this is number two,
And he's got me in a stew.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.

[CHORUS]

Now, this is number three,
And his hand is on my knee.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.

[CHORUS]

Now, this is number four,
And he's got me on the floor.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.

[CHORUS]

Now, this is number five,
And his hand is on my thigh.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.

[CHORUS]

Now, this is number six,
And he's got me in a fix.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.

[CHORUS]

Now, this is number seven,
And it's just like being in heaven.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.

[CHORUS]

Now, this is number eight,
And the doctor's at the gate.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.

[CHORUS]

Now, this is number nine,
And the twins are doing fine.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.

[CHORUS]

Now, this is number ten,
And he's started once again.
Roll me over, lay me down,
And do it again.

No, I got that wrong! It's: 'I'm only 13! I'm not superstitious!'
Elegran I had completely forgotten 'She's got a lovely bottom set of teeth' etc. Can't remember the other verses either.

Elegran this one?

www.goodreads.com/quotes/60540-if-all-the-girls-attending-the-yale-prom-were-laid

Not a song, but does anyone remember 'To the woods' 'But I'm only 16'' 'Who's counting?' I'll tell the vicar! 'I am the vicar!' Etc

No-one has mentioned "Roll me over, in the clover"

Which sounds like the comment that if all the girls at the May Ball were laid end to end the author would not be at all surprised.

The song doesn't go into detail, PECS, but when the ball was over there were four and twenty less.

Oh if we are going into rugby songs.. What happened to those 4&20 Virgins off to Inverness?

Then there is"Singing 'I will if you will, so will I'" to the tune of "She'll be coming round the mountain", with verses like " Oh, I'd love to press her naval . . uniform" and "She's got a lovely bottom . . set of teeth"

I hope this thread ends up in a newspaper.

Mrs McGuire peed in the fire,
The fire was too hot, she peed in the pot,
The pot was too wide, she peed in the Clyde,
And aw the wee fishes swam up her backside.

*****

McTavish had a wee bit dug,
Oh my, but it was braw.
It lifted up its wee bit leg, and peed against the wa’.
And when it saw the steam rise up,
It thought it was a fire.
So it lifted up its wee bit leg,
And peed a wee bit higher.

gilly!!

How about : magic moments

Remember the night I fell in the shite
I had my best suit on
The one that I got from saving a lot
Of embassy coupons

Then just for a laugh we went to the park and pissed on the flowers
You sat on a rock
And played with me c*ck for hours and hours.....

Magic moments when our two hearts are sharing , magic moments filled with love

There’s a lot more.

Last time I try to do you a favour. What’s your problem Rufus?

Not you Maw (may I call you that seeing that we are still friends?)
That Scotch duo were, and still are. Not sure if they are still with us, but not even worth bothering Dr. Google at this time of night.
Counting to ten is my recipe for making sure I mean what I'm about to say is really what I want to say and you came across as regretting what you'd done after the event.
Sorry if I've misread your OP.
Now I'm off for some shut-eye with your reprimand still ringing in my ears. It's now Sunday, but I won't get down to the cafe just yet as being too early upsets some people. I'll count my blessings instead and hope I don't dream about those kilts.
Good Health

seems to be bringing back a lot of happy memories!

‘Where was Moses when the lights went out
Down in the cellar with his shirt hanging out!’

Where did all those ditties come from?

Surely you know that one Rufus!
Hitler has only got one ball
Goering has two but his are very small
Himmler is very simmler
But poor old Goeballs has no balls at all!
Sung to the tune of colonel Bogey

Does anyone remember:

She wears her silk pyjamas in the summer when its hot
She wears a flannel nighty in the winter when its not
But I like it in the autumn when the leaves begin to fall
When she sleeps between the lily white sheets with nothing on at all!

Singing I will if you will , so will I etc

What about that little ditty “Hitler has only got one ball.....”
Gillybob; What about it then?

Come on girls! {I notice there are no men!)
You've got very poor memories or you're holding back for fear of offending my sensibilities.
After a sheltered life I'm now eager to learn new stuff and where else could I expect to find such erudite teachers?
So put your memories to the test.
Cheers