On the Beach!

I agree it's sad when parents do this but I don't think it's the norm. I have to say my DD , her friends and my friends DD are very engaged and responsive with their children. So much so m DD has her phone on silent most of the time. Also I am not sure it is any worse than parents in our day who would spend all their tine talking to their friends reading magazines etc instead we of enjoying their children and thankfully something I haven't seen for a long time smoking around children without a thought .

I agree, it is how children expand their vocabulary. I also think it is sad that families don’t watch tv together either as I have such happy memories of us all sitting down together and watching children’s programmes such as Hector’s House when they were little, later Dad’s Army and Morecambe and Wise and even later Fawlty Towers. I also remember all us sitting down and watching the moon landing when our older son was 3 and our younger son was 1. These memories are ones I will treasure. Everybody in the family seems to have their own tv or screen now.

A few years ago I was walking with a friend's daughter who had her child in a pushchair, the child facing outward. I asked why she didn't have the child facing, she said "it's me time when I take him out in the pushchair I see enough of him all day" I was flabbergasted.

I don't understand the need to be constantly in touch. I do have a mobile phone but I don't use it to access the internet. I switch it off when I get in my car and very often forget to switch it back on again. I'm not sure where it is right now (in the kitchen I think!). I do take it into the bedroom at night (switched off) in case I have an emergency and often find it is still in my handbag switched off from when I was out earlier in the day. I have never used it when out with friends for a meal or a drink, yet many people (of all ages) seem to think they will miss something really exciting if they switch off the phone. I long to tell someone that no-one is really interested in seeing a picture of their lunch!

I don't understand the need to be constantly in touch.

Well was ever thus
How did my mother spend 45 mins gossiping at the school gates then get back on the landline or go and pop round their houses to the very same people when we got home and still have stuff to say??

I gave up socializing with a group of young mums at the gym.They looked at phones and had no conversation, even to acknowledge me.

My dil is same with our 10 month old Gc. Her mother spends all her time taking pics and posting on fb. The little time we see them I just enjoy the interaction and I obviously don't need to take any photos as there are 100s to be viewed on social media

@oldwoman70 that couple could be me and my oh! I may interact with my gc and accessories but my oh has little of interest to say so if out I talk to other people or check up on emails etc. Trying to have a sensible conversation with him is hard work and worse since he retired

Accessories! Adult children (darn autocorrect )

Presumably this obsession with phones and social media is a fad that will pass, but there is good reason to suspect that the parents ignoring toddlers now will be wondering why their children don't want to spend time with them in a few years time!

On the bright side, I caught up with a day-care mum out walking with three toddlers alongside the pram that a smaller boy was in. They were singing "Itsy-bitsy spider" when I drew level with them, finished it, said hello to me, then we chatted about the need to keep sun-hats ON and the little girl at the front turned to me and said "That's a dustbin!". I replied that it was my dustbin and showed them where my cat was hiding under the hedge.

This day care mum was clearly doing a good job of bringing up children, and I just hope the children whose parents aren't have a day-care mum like her.

It's easy to see faults with young parents, as I don't expect mobiles had been invented when the majority of GNs had small children it's difficult to truthfully know just how perfect we would have been.

I wondered about that to kitty. We should all be able to remember the feelings of pressure when ours were little.
Maybe it's also a way of cutting off temporarily to be themselves. Instead at the beck and call of everyone else.

What really makes me irate, OK, angry, is seeing parents glued to phones while they're supposed to be watching them at the beach or pool.
As someone who very nearly had a tiny dd drown while my back was so briefly turned - WAY pre mobile phones, and I'd thought I was SO careful, I know just how quickly it can happen.

It’s just the way of the world now I think. I don’t “get” why my adult children and/or partners come to see me sometimes! They say “hello” then plonk themselves on the couch, phone in hand .. “do you want a coffee?” “Erm? What’s that?” Me: “sorry it was a complicated question”. Bahaha. And so it goes on. All the while me thinking... you could have stayed at home on your phone ?.

Sadly just the way it is but I do try to set by example and not pick my phone up when I have visitors.

Having listened to a few of my friends complaining about 'young mums who are always on their phones', I decided to count up how many people I see on their phones on my walks into town - various times of the day, but usually at least one walk per day. I pass a large number of people on my way, and I never count more than 5. These will be a mixture of old and young, men and women, people with or without children. It really isn't a huge problem. The children who are being ignored in this way would be ignored anyway, most likely, and the young mums and dads were probably ignored themselves as children.

The mothers you describe are not real mothers or minders. If they were, their children would come first at least during their years before adulthood.
I absolutemy lived being immersed in virtually everything my children were involved in, whether on holiday, days out, weekends or evenings in besides all the school activities.
It's heartbreaking to think of children happily drawing a picture to show to their mum (it's usually mums isn't it?) or, as the OP witnessed, building a castle in the sand which mum can't be bothered to look at.
I find that dreadfully sad.
Even if we'd had mobile phones when mine were growing up, there is no way I'd have it on or be tempted to look at it, even nowadays I don't take it shopping or to the bathroom or even on day trips.
If it rings while I'm cooking or eating or anything else, it can go to voicemail.

Oops! *absolutely

I just wonder what they are looking at. I have a phone, not an i phone, but I get bored after a quick look at Facebook.

But you are on gransnet now! I access GN mainly through my phone. They may be asking advice on Mumsnet!

The only time I use my phone - which I keep for emergencies only - is when waiting for an appointment at the dentist doctor etc. Then I use it to read my current book via the Kindle app.
Saves carrying a heavy book along and I am always alone.

LOL I don't remember a single mother from the generation that raised me who was ever totally "immersed" in their kids all the time.

I remember mums gossiping with each other, watching tv, reading magazines/novels/newspapers, listening to the radio, doing household admin.. all stuff conversely that you can do on smart phones. I don't remember any family from my childhood where the mums spent all day looking at their kids! Talk about rose tinted glasses!

Also look up the "mental load" which disproportionately affects women. Men may do a share of ferrying kids to swim lessons but its usually mums who research swim schools, enquire, book, keep on to of re-re-enrolment etc. Again done by smart phone usually these days.

many mums do (and always have done) bits of work and study while supervising kids & cant give full uninterrupted attention...again a lot of this has switched from paper to online but the fantasy that mums weren't distracted and gave their wholehearted full attention to previous generations is just not true.

My mum took a lot of work home just as I have done jobs where I was expected to promptly reply to emails and enquiries from home. Her work was piles of paper, mine was online.

That said I was much BETTER at not always saying "in a minute"/"not now"/"later" to my kids than my mum was.. despite the fact that I'm the one with the smart phone.

My best mates mum took in Ironing and literally kicked us out of the room to fend for ourselves so that she could get her work done.... until my mum popped in... then they just told us to go away so they could gossip about "adult stuff"

We did not get constant oos and aaahhs at every one of our creations or statements

I use my mobile to access news items, order shopping, chat to & message my friends and family, as a diary, as a camera & album. I also occasionally access forums on it or play a game of solitaire. When my DC were tinies I spent hours with other young mums in my home or theirs whilst kids trashed the house..we were chatting /drinking coffee and occasionally sorting out a scrap between assorted toddlers/pre-schoolers. Despite this huge lack of adult interaction they grew up ok! Of the 8 children 6 have uni degrees , 7th is a housing association manager, 8th is an accountant. All are in work & are successful and lovely adults bringing up the next generation. Mobiles can be addictive, they can cause inattentiveness but so can a lot of other things!

My mum was busy cooking, doing housework, tending the garden or gossiping and playing cards with neighbours, whilst us kids were out on our bikes, playing in the street or the local bomb sites for hours at a time, we didn't have constant parental supervision or interaction. She wasn't looking at a phone, but she wasn't hovering over us either!

& on a beach holiday with my friends family I don't remember the mum getting up from her sunlounger once to congratulate us on anything. She obviously didn't have a smartphone but her eyes were either closed or on her novels the whole time. She was there for emergencies & occasional ice-cream money but the mums of pre smartphone days found plenty of ways to zone out and let the kids get on with it..

Mine took tonnes of photos but never got involved or played with us. They are in a gazillion albums in my parents loft rather than on facebook.. but it really wasn't all that different.