Eating out but not talking.

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Adaunas I agree totally with that lady - my children weren't brought up badly, but once they realised that actually parents can do virtually nothing at all nowadays, that description about entitlement and responsibility just fits them, and I am embarrassed about it to be honest - I am unwell and disabled and tried my hardest, but it wasn't really good enough - My friend has a similar boy who has just turned out to be a complete waster, whereas his brother who is on the spectrum works really hard and has achieved his goal of going to a specialist college and has started his career in horse racing! Mine are now AC and are still the same to some extent, especially my youngest with the 11 month old baby - she isn't socialising with any other Mothers or children and I do think that at some point it will show sadly .... never had to share for example. But she won't take any advice, especially from me! She just seems to think everything will just come to her and all will be well .... my eldest at 25 has finally realised that missing her education was a big mistake and is now at University doing a 4 year Masters Degree - won't have earned a living mind until she is about 30!

Recently in my local GP waiting room ,out of twelve patients , I was the only one without a phone stuck to their hand.

What did you do whilst waiting to be called Sarahellen - stare into space?

Other than concern that other people are not helping their kids develop good language skills or have dull relationships why do people think it is an issue that people use phones rather than books & papers on trains, in waiting rooms etc? I check emails, read work documents & news items, catch up / make arrangements with friends & family via messenger, update my diary, check my bank acct etc etc. Do not assume it is all games and FB!

Any waiting time is dead time. I no longer need to remember a book.

Recently in my local GP waiting room ,out of twelve patients , I was the only one without a phone stuck to their hand.

I am certainly not your dear and you really don't need to be so patronising. I explained earlier why a child may be using technology whilst eating too so I didn't think I needed to explain that again!

I did actually make the point it wasn't just until dinner arrived dear. But going round in circles. getting boring. ????

Then she offers a ‘diagnosis’ or list of potential causes and a prescription or list of solutions which will not be well received and will undoubtedly bring out all the ‘exceptions to the rule’ children.

annep, you are quite right, this thread isn't about autism, it is about people making snap judgements about families using technology at the dinner table and not talking. I was just responding to the particular comment above.

I actually do think that we should talk more to our children when they are with us but I also think that you cannot automatically make judgements that the children are being deprived in some way if you see a family at the dinner table whiling away some time until dinner is served.

Goodness me! Where and how often does this happen? DH dropped his mobile from his shirt pocket into our pond a few weeks ago. He coped without having a hysterical meltdown! He eventually fished it out and stuck it in a bowl of rice. It still works!

Is it the same sort of reaction to when people had lost their Filofax or mislaid their diary, address book, phone line was down, postmen went on strike?

Each generation gets used to different ways of communication & organisation and it is true when everything is in one place it is a bigger loss when it is mislaid or malfunctions but the advantages and time saving is important in todays 'fast' world.

much more attractive Pecs than colouring books and crayons. I was no competition.

And you hear/read of near-horror stories when people lose or accidentally damage their iPhones and go into a hysterical meltdown.

To be SO dependent on a piece of plastic with a battery and a SIM card in it?

Gosh! I have never been anywhere where kids were offered any electronics to play with! There's posh! Colouring in and word searches is all we have had to keep kids occupied whilst adults chat. Is that better or worse than using a mobile to play similar games?

I have to say that my DGC all use mobiles, computer games, read books, play sports, converse and tell jokes. This is very much what I see amongst their contemporaries too and when I am visiting & teaching in Primary classrooms!
How many grandparents,on here, are concerned about their DGCs speech and language development being hindered by overuse of computer type games?

Maybe admin could organise a poll?

This thread isnt about autism. The majority of children arent autistic. No one is criticising parents of autistic children.
Its a comment on a mother and father not chatting to their son and how it happens so often.
I remember many years ago taking my grandaughters out alone for a meal. As we were shown to our seats they were offered Nintendo DSs to play with. This was the first time I had taken them out and I was uncertain and didnt want to be a spoilsport granny. Needless to say I tried in vain to get them to chat and get to know each other better. Total waste of opportunity and very disappointing. I would imagine ths restaurant did this because it was popular. Or they wouldnt be doing it.

adaunas, this is what the National Autistic Society say: www.autism.org.uk/about/family-life/using-technology.aspx
I prefer to take advice from a Society who has the research and professional backing behind them rather than someone who is jumping on the bandwagon without the qualification to do so. It is easy to read something on t'internet (or press) and assume it is true. I rang the NAS in a complete panic because I had read that if we had caught this at or before 18 months old, we could have turned it round. The anxiety I felt that I had not pointed things out to my son was enormous. I was so relieved to find out that such claims are considered spurious by NAS and there is no research to back this claim. Phew!
I was absolutely anti my DGS using technology at the table when he was with me or anywhere else for that matter, but the reality was that taking him out was an absolute nightmare as it wasn't a case of including him, it was a case of not being able to do anything else, not even for apologies to the people around us who were looking askance at his loud, unruly behaviour. A very different experience from my other DGC who sit and talk with us or listen to us talking whilst drawing on their handout from the restaurant.
I am happy for ignorant people to judge me but if I can get the ill informed people to consider that things may not be as they seem, I'm going to keep explaining why. It has nothing to do with anger.

There are many reasons why some children arrive at Reception unable to communicate at an expected level for an average 4 yr old. A few may be to do with being ignored by adults.
My view is that adults who ignore their children do so regardless of mobiles.
Mobiles may have just replaced the previous reason not to interact.
Also now far more children spend time in day care because of the expectations/ need for both parents to work.
Children generally seem to spend less time with friends just hanging out but are busy at structured activities.
Much TV aimed at children is not has high quality as in the past.
Life in general appears busier than when I was raising my 2 kids. I was able to take 4 yrs out of work and focus on parenting. I met many other women in the same situation. This happens far less now because of economic / political / social changes.
Some adults overuse mobile phones..these are the ones that get attention. All the parents playing in the park , chatting to their children go less noticed because it is the norm.

I've had the same little phone for 21 years foisted on me by my very kind children. At first I was reluctant but now I freely confess it has been very useful over the years. It only does calls and texts but that's all I need for immediacy. I find those who use 'not owning one' as some sort of badge of honour are genuinely missing out on the advantages and seem somewhat foolish to me.

I haven't read all of the comments on this thread so I may be well out of line. However, I was just thinking of a holiday my young absentdaughter and I had on a Greek island. We had just finished our lunch in our favourite taverna when a complete stranger approached and said, with approval, how he had noticed that we chatted to each other all the way through our meal and how rare he thought that was. That was a fairly long time before mobile/cell phones became quite so ubiquitous. I have to admit I dislike them intensely and have, so far, held out against buying one – but, for various reasons, I think the time is coming.

And is not glared smugly an assumption.And also rudeness not expected on GN.

I don't recall saying I got worked up. I remarked on how sad it is that an opportunity to chat to each other and have (good) quality family time was lost. As it was.
This is not just my opinion. I've acknowledged there may be valid reasons for it. I'm amazed at how worked up and rude others got. But whatever! I'm sure you all understand that. ?

As a child we always ate in the kitchen and the TV in the living room was switched off (to cool down apparently). The radio was also off during mealtimes, except on Saturdays, when it was allowed at Tea Time for the football scores as my Dad had to check his coupon.

I was quite taken aback to find when visiting girl friends or boyfriends homes that they ate in the living room, with plates or trays on their knees, all grouped around and watching the TV.

Plus c'est change .......

This nasty streak in society where strangers make snap judgements on (usually young) parents for daring to have a phone or getting "touched out" actually affects peoples days/lives.

People think they are far more stealth than they really are.

But snidey judgements show on their faces.

Does being glared at smugly make people better parents? Or does it further deplete their reserves making them even less up to playing peekaboo for the 735th time that day? Do you think?

Having an opinion isn't rude!

How rude, if you were waiting in a que maybe mom was tired, been shopping all day, had interacted, pacified enough tantrums and just wanted to get the shopping paid for quietly and get out of the shops.