Perfect parents

1. Always put yourself in the child's mind when asking them to do something/not to do something.
2.Never disagree with your partner about discipline in front of the child.
3. Do not let a day pass without telling them you love them.
4. Lots of physical warmth and affection - hugs and cuddles.

I would have to say there is no such thing as perfect parents although you wouldnt know that on here with the amount of criticism on parenting by the gransnetters that think they know best.

1. Consistency

2. Fairness

3. Be willing to explain how and why you want them to behave in a certain way

4 Be willing to admit it if you make a decision or say something and realise you're in the wrong

I read somewhere that it's not good for children to be brought up by perfect parents because, when they get to school, they will find situations and people are not always perfect.

I agree with this statement although I have tried to do my best.

IMO there are no "rules" as such I always tried to be fair and use age appropriate punishments but each situation may call for a different approach.
I told DD more than once "I will always love you but sometimes you make it hard to like you" When your they need to still feel ?

I have no idea, I "winged it" with my brood, they are all talking to me.

Be consistent.
Be kind.
Be firm.
Be there. (Not that I was always any of those things!)

GrannyGravy I think we mostly all do! They don't come with an instruction book do they!

I think I let a lot of stuff go because I think the more 'rules' you have the more naggy you have to be and am not naturally a naggy person (unless you ask DH) so they knew if I was cross it was serious!
Some people are more naturally discipline / rule focussed but I am not always convinced that it supports children but then again DDs may have been perfect housewives if I had been stricter about tidying up and helping with household chores!
My 4 rues are
* Be clear
* Be fair
* Follow through
* Love unconditionally

Mealanieeastanglia I think I have read that thought.

e.g. If children never see disagreement and resolution they do not learn how to manage it themselves.

I knew a family once who chose not to have TV because of the 'negative' influences it might have. Very earnest parents always taking children to interesting places, talking to the girls and spending loads of time with them One day I heard the most awful screaming tantrum 'I hate you, you are a horrid mum' type of thing going on. When I went to see what was happening it was this poor mum being berated by her younger daughter for 'spoiling her life' because she had never seen a particular programme on TV that her friends were 'playing' at playtime! You can't win them all!

I m sure I got it all wrong but they still all love me (I think)
I tried to always treat them equally (that was important to me) I had a few rules bedtime was one with a set time within reason, but I was fairly relaxed on most other things and open to negotiation if necessary I was probably not strict enough but they’ve all turned out ok
They ve all made changes to ‘my way’ as they should One has brought their children up very similar but a bit firmer one is very much less firm and overly laid back (in my mind) and one is a bit more controlling (in the nicest way) than I would be but all the grandkids are growing up well and seem to becoming nice hard working people

Don’t try so hard to be a perfect parent.

Just be a good enough parent and relax and enjoy your children (ditto grandchildren)

ninathenana - I used to say to my children when I had had cause to chastise them: "It's a jolly good thing I love you!"

Old meg I totally agree about the 'good enough' style of parenting.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent in my opinion but because many of us GNs were throwing in our opinions on what was poor parenting etc I wondered what we might agree were key ingredients for good parenting!

It seems increasingly there is So much pressure to be the perfect parent.
I have it been at all perfect, I did my best. I loved them, enjoyed them and hope I managed to help them negotiate their way through various stages. Watching them with their own children tends to suggest their parenting models were ok. Fingers crossed

Whenever you are not the 'perfect parent', remember that you are preparing them for real life (not, of course, to be applied to the tiny number of parents who do blight their children's lives)

I've never felt the urge to be the perfect anything.
I'm quite over indulgent of myself and my failings.

Aiming for perfection means there is more chance of not succeeding! Better to be 'doing OK' and avoid disappointment!

I "winged " too granny gravy and since they have grown to adulthood it's not been without it's challenges, especially when other halves come into the mix,but I hope they both know that whatever, I would always be there for them no matter what

There is no such thing as a perfect parent, what is perfect for one child, is imperfect for another. No parent ever gets it all right

As for golden rules, read the above, it applies to rules as well.

I think my DS and DDiL are as near perfect parents as it gets.

Keep lines of communication open always.

I had four in just over four years. I found a bit of benign neglect meant I kept my sanity and they learned to play on their own. I was also a stickler for a seven o’clock bedtime for them and a gin and tonic for me. They are all fine.

Go DoraMarr!!

Doramarr I like your style! My four are spread over more than two decades but we didn't really have many rules. Now they are grown, my kids tell me their friends' parents were all much stricter than we ever were. My youngest claims she had to raise herself!

They've all turned out pretty well in spite of my ministrations and anyway, who would want a perfect parent? It would be an impossible ideal for any child to live up to!

PECS one of DD's friends came from a home with no television. They were very nice people, but very serious. When their two children came to play with mine all they wanted to do was watch television. My two would get very frustrated because they wanted to play outside.

Consistency, calm, kindness and engagement - that's what I aim for with DGS as unfortunately I have found all 4 to be in short supply from his parents at certain times ?.
I think I was too stressed with DD as I was a 19 year old single parent so I will not pretend I was anywhere near perfect but I always did my best and she was never short of attention.