How do you change a man’s behaviour (light hearted- I think??)

I think you are very lucky !! He seems to contribute quite a lot !

There isn't one! You cant change anyone. We don't have that power.

It's the story of "how many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb"

"None cos the lightbulb has to want to change"

Men don't think and see what we do! I know you said your post was light hearted you think, however ask yourself this?

Would you rather have a clean home or your husband not there? I say this because my husband passed away in March just gone unexpectedly. He was pretty good round the house though. One day one of you will go first (it's usually the man) It isnt worth the arguments

I had to reach this conclusion over someone else in our household (Our 2nd son who is still at home) He has the illness of bipolar. He can be extremely messy in his room.

I learnt it wasn't worth the aggro! Did i want my son where I knew he was ok and could get help when he wasn't, or did I want to clean bedroom?" The answer is obvious! So I have learnt to ignore it

I must admit I have a wonderful husband. He cooks, cleans to a fashion, washes up, makes the bed etc. The only thing he can’t, or won’t do is ironing. He tried ironing a pair of trousers once and there were tramlines everywhere, since then he won’t touch any ironing. I wouldn’t change him for the world.

The thing is do you still love him ? He's unlikely to change now - unless you decide to leave which might spur him into some realisation. Most men drive us potty at some time, it's just whether you can live with it or not.

Sounds about right Petunia.MY husband never changed a nappy or got up in the night. He has just retired.

Are our Husbands related?

Oh dear. I share your pain. How I manage is OH is a lodger. He pays his way by dealing with the bills, taxes etc. I do everything else, telling myself that as it is my house, I would have to do it all by myself if I was alone.

Result .. a nice, clean reasonably tidy home. I never fret about what he doesn't do because it does no good.
BTW I also work!

Poor petunia! I think by now id either have thrown him out- with his piles of dirty washing with him- or id have left myself! My sons(both teenagers) are same in that respect- i have to make the 'demand' more specific- and gave up on asking eldest(nearly 20) to bring in washing he does same as your OH does,but also just yanks them off line so all my pegs either are broke,lost in garden,or catapult over neighbours fence- so have to buy new pegs every wk- And he chucks his dirty washing down the stairs to land at bottom for me to(presumably)collect for the wash.Its ridiculous!But very annoying!It must all be bloke things- they must have a blank in the brain where the bit goes that tells them how to do these things cause my sons also leave empty packs/etc back in fridge/cupboards and leave a trail of more ensuing mess if they 'make' anything,(and a whole sinkful of extra washing up)even though they could just pop em in dishwasher!Im gonna try the 'tray' thing to see if it helps- i wish my kids even bothered to make me a brew- last time i asked elder one to do so he brought me what was two thirds of a cup of tea.!

My DH is mid 60’s but does lots around the house. He rarely sits down for long and does plenty of household tasks. He always hangs out the washing and brings it back in, then puts it away or to dry a bit more in the airing cupboard if it’s a bit damp.
He’s very tidy and happily washes up without being asked but not keen on hoovering, so I do that. He’s rubbish at cooking so I do most of that too although he puts together most of his own meals as he’s vegetarian and eats lots of salad type food. I prefer a cooked meal in the evening so I’ll make a big batch and freeze portions for later.
He does most of the ironing as he likes to wear pressed shirts and I was never going to iron his work shirts.
We got together when I was mid-thirties and he’d been living alone for a few years bringing up teenage boys.
I’d rather be on my own than living with a lazy self centred bloke. If you have pets and good friends, there’s no need to feel lonely.
Those men who are lazy articles have been allowed to get away with it for so long by women who will put up with such poor behaviour.
Hopefully, now that young women are educated to a higher level and able to earn a decent living, fewer will accept such low standards from a partner and the men will have to shape up.

Petunia - you deserve a medal, a Dameship, a sainthood, a Nobel Prize and anything else that will recognise your endurance for managing 40 years with an outright slob and yet not resorting to murder.

And y'know what? If you dropped dead tomorrow he probably wouldn't mourn and change his ways in tribute to your memory - he'd very likely (deluding himself that he was still 'a catch') go out and try to snag another Willing Workhorse.....this guy has been of no benefit to you, the community, the world and obviously thinks "Thou Shalt Be a Bluddy Selfish Sod!" is the eleventh commandment.

Commiserations and praise in equal amounts!

This sums it up really well...
www.yourtango.com/2016285266/my-wife-divorced-me-because-left-dishes-by-sink

NO! Ive said this before- but please DONT blame the mother! Im spending all my time trying to get my sons to learn to do the things they need to- to no avail- so its NOT for want of trying! My actual eldest son- youngest two are the last living at home)-(not at home,now married with kids)CAN cook,clean,wash,iron,sew& anything else you could mention,i taught him well! He does more than lions share in their house- my middle son was hopeless when younger- untidy room didnt know how to use washer till 17- etc but now hes older,recently moved in with (slightly untidy)girlfriend& her daughter- HE'S the one now doing the nagging and the jobs! So i think there probably comes a point when a bloke either grows up& takes responsiblity- or hes never going to!

Little to suggest I'm afraid. There's only the two of you now, as in our house. My house is pretty clean and tidy and it doesn't actually take that much housework. My husband will do most things, but he usually has to be asked, and some things I don't even ask him to do because he doesn't do them properly. But he cuts the grass, washes the car, does repairs, puts out recycling etc. So I think maybe just accept specific jobs allocated to each of you. You may feel a little aggrieved, but unfortunately he probably won't change. And hearing some people's awful stories about their husbands, maybe you should look for the positives in him.

Yeah my teenage son does the 'bin' thing also- will empty it if i ask him(maybe after a couple of asks!) But then leaves me to put new bag in! What is it with (some) males?!!!

Oh you've touched a nerve! My daughter is much better than me with dealing with lazy men. She's just been away with her husband and his three kids from first marriage. The first night she made a meal. The husband and two teenage boys just got up from the table, leaving the dishes on the table. The eight year old girl washed her own dishes and left them to drip dry. The next morning they got up to the dishes still on the table as my daughter said she wasn't picking up after three lazy men. When they sat down she pushed the dirty dishes in front of them and left a clear space for herself and the little girl! I won't even start to tell you how my husband leaves everything for me to do.

All I can say is that now I live alone I realise how everyone thinks they do the most and are unappreciated. I have no idea who all these people are that leave the dirty dishes!
I think I was spoilt yet always thought I did the most. People do, wait till you’re alone...DIY is an absolute pain. It’s probably true though that if anything happened to you your husband would either get loads of female help offered or would guiltlessly pay for it.

Strange how we marry without knowing the attitudes of our prospective partners.

Love accepts us as we are and marriage should be a partnership.

Planning to change our partner after marriage seems unloving.

I get help. So I can’t complain, he does a brilliant job in the bathroom. Cleans the windows and puts washing in the wash basket, so can’t complain. It gd whose the pain, she has a laundry basket in her room some clothes make it to the basket some don’t, trainers are left in her room, instead of in the cupboard in the hall. Clothes she’s tried on and discarded are left on the chair. I put them back in wardrobe.

I don't mean this post to sound unsympathetic petunia - I do understand where you are, and I know many of us will have had your thoughts. But ... a few years ago one of our sons died at about the same time as I had a double hip replacement. Boy did those events make me change my perspective on life!
My DH has been the untidiest male on the planet for more than fifty years - never knowingly even shutting a drawer behind him, you get the picture? I was pretty grudging about some of the clearing up I did behind him too, but like you, nothing was going to change him. Is he perfect? No definitely not! Am I? Same answer, and I'm sure I must do lots of things that annoy him intensely but he has the grace not to mention them. So, I decided that no-one likes a martyr and I would in future do things with the same good grace that my DH affords me. Yes I do things he could perfectly well do himself - think 'looking after him' not 'he ought to do it himself'. I would so much rather have him with me still and spend half an hour a day doing things for him he could very well do himself, than be on my own and have no-one else to care for. I am also so thankful for the fact that my hip ops mean I physically can do those things, physical health really is a blessing when you get to my age!
Just a case of changing the way you think maybe!

I think you have to look at the overall balance of your life and decide whether the rest of it is going to be made unhappy about housework or whether the 'value' he brings to the marriage in other ways makes it worth doing the chores. My DH doesn't do things quite the way I like them done but he does do them and I have to be happy with that. I think we often think the way we do things is the 'only' way and that makes us appear ungrateful for the things that our partners do.

Tea bags should be put in the food-waste caddy (in England) which usually goes on the counter-top, not the rubbish bin.

Whoever uses teabags GabriellaG?
Leaf tea in a china pot, puhlease!

My food-waste caddy lives in the utility room.
Can’t speak for others or attempt to legislate where they should position it.

You have done nothing but complain about your husband in your note so I would leave him. Clearly he won't change.

The song "I'm just a little petunia in an onion patch" comes to mind.
Think your husband and mine were twins separated at birth.
As for all of you with goodies