Devious SIL or....AIBU

I agree with JS06, the bank should be informed, its fraud.

I'd notify the bank immediately because that's the right thing to do here and nobody needs to know. I wouldn't want to get into arguments with the family for doing the right thing. FIL may need the money later in his life and his interests to me would be paramount.

Well yes Jalima really strategically placed!

When my daughter-in-law’s grandmother died they found that a daughter who lived with her had been spending her mother’s money. The bank wouldn’t do anything, as they said that the fact the daughter had her mother’s card and PIN showed that she had consented to the money being taken out.
I’m sure it’s different if the account holder has died.

jalima

mcem metaphorical I hope
or perhaps not!
He's being an ostrich.
Backside is in a strategic position

There have been comments about your DH's behaviour. Head in sand? Quiet life? Letting her get on with it?
Frankly if your DH is consciously choosing to follow this course of (in)action he is actually complicit in SiL's actions.
If he ends up in trouble it will be his fault.
He won't be able to ignore it then and he'll have to face the consequences.
Time to get a grip and face up to his responsibilities!
(Possibly with the help of a well-placed boot up the backside from you!)

As a mirror Will it will have the same conditions as FIL's
SIL has taken her father to the solicitors to make a new will

she has taken her dad to solicitors and drawn up a new will following the death of their mum.

Is he compos mentis?

You say your DMIL had a Will, who is/are the executors of this? Those are the ones who have to carry out the wishes set out in the document. As a mirror Will it will have the same conditions as FIL's. Therefore need to check Will to find what is to be done and by whom. The bank account should be closed as technically and legally no one can or should access it. Your SIL could be accused of theft/embezzlement. You should highlight this to DH if he is an executor.

I would hate to be in your SIL’s shoes. I would think she is in deep trouble. IMO this should be rectified ASAP. Lieing and thieving doesn’t go down too well in court and that’s what she is allegedly doing.

Using someone else credit card is fraud.i would inform the bank of this and the other excutor on the will

Sheian57. POA ceases when a person dies. Your husband should take his head out of the sand and sort out his sister! My ex husband wouldn't sort his sister out either and I eventually lost respect for him and we divorced. She still calls the shots and he still let's her. Now it's the problem of his new wife - I couldn't be happier - truly and do not envy her. No-one likes a wimp. If something upsets you and he can change it, he should. I would. Good luck.

This is a serious family squabble- don't do it on here - get your own solicitor and sort it .

How fortunate we are here in Denmark, a bank account is automatically closed, unless it is a joint account when the holder dies,
That happens here too grandetante - a stop is put on the account. Of course, someone has to inform the bank that the account holder has died and present the death certificate which does not appear to be the case here.
In the case of a joint account, the bank still has to be informed but the joint holder can carry on using the account.

It is required by law to inform the bank of an account holders death. Your sister in law is in fact stealing from your MIL's estate. Your husband needs to show the death certificate to the bank or at least inform them of what has happened and what is going on now.
I know from my own mothers death how awful it can be when you discover how shockingly devious and dishonest your relatives can be. I do hope you can resolve this soon so that peace and quiet can return to you.

I think you need to get a copy of the death certificate for the bank to see, plus any other relevant information you can give them. If I was your husband I would tell his sister she is acting illegally by using the bank account of a deceased person.

It must be infuriating to have a husband who won't do what he should. Some men are anything for a quiet life. You can and should personally tell the bank and try to persuade your husband to do something. SIL sounds very bossy and unpleasant. I would not want to let her away with it. But in the end if you can't achieve fairness it will do you more harm stressing about it. This kind of thing happens a lot after someone dies. I usually just ignore it as much as possible and focus on remembering the person. I don't need things in order to remember them.

What she is fling is fraud and against the law. When my mother died we were told by solicitor not to move any money and to inform bank of her death. Any money moved after her death would be fraudulently obtained! My mum was po/signature on my father's account which took ages to sort as she died unexpectedly before him caused all sorts of mess. I would inform bank of death so you are not implicated. Money and possessions cause so much hassle after death if not sorted before x

Is your father-in-law still mentally capable of attending to his affairs? Is so, I suggest you talk to him about this, when neither your DH or your SIL is present. Offer to accompany him to the bank, or take him their to close his wife's account. Remember to take both her death certificate and their marriage certificate with you.

If the widower is senile, some-one in the family must have a power of attorney. If that person is your SIL I doubt there is anything you can do, if your DH won't tackle the matter.

You could of course go the bank and express your concern, but that seems a rather sneaky course to take, and might not get you anywhere.

How fortunate we are here in Denmark, a bank account is automatically closed, unless it is a joint account when the holder dies, although whoever arranges the funeral can send the undertaker's bill to the bank for settlement from the deceased's estate.

All I would add is that when I registered my father’s death and then popped into his bank as it was almost next door, to close his account, It opened a very large can of worms that we were not expecting.

Did you have a copy of the Will ? or do you know which solicitor dealt with it ? If you have seen the bank statement, you will have the details (branch, a.c no, etc) send these to a) the Bank, with a copy of the death certificate, and b) to your own solicitor with a copy to hers. They may use the confidentiality clause for not dealing with you, only your husband ...but that is normal, but they will have to act on the information. If she is the sole executor of the Will you should inform the solicitor the Will was made through that, as far as you know (if you have proof, I e a copy) she is not distributing your late m I l's possessions as she has stated (i.e. in the Will there should be specific bequests, with names, addresses, etc to whom she wishes her belongings/monies, etc, to go ..it sounds as I this should have been solely her husband ...in which case your s I l IS commiting fraud which is a serious matter. Normally the solicitor dealing with the Estate should have ensured your f I l inherited if that is what the Will stated. Where there is n Will, it is usual for the husband to inherit and THEN for him to Will the possessions of himself and his late wife to whomsoever he wishes. LOOK INTO IT NOW ....in my husband's case, a young trainee lawyer came to his elderly mum's house and made the Will, HOWEVER she forgot to ask for the full names and last addresses of her children ...FIVE of them...and the Will simply stated 'MY CHILDREN IN EQUAL SHARES'....the executor was my husband's brother, so when the time came, they did not declare the FIVE children and so the Estate was distributed amongst only FOUR ....I applied for a copy of Probate, but if the Estate is worth less than (I believe now, £8,000) there is no copy available and I did not know the name of the solicitors who dealt with it. Out of interest I contacted a solicitor who would have been willing to find a copy of the Will and prosecute the Executor, but it really wasn't worth persuing ....bless her, there was no monetary value and no house ...but my husband would have dearly loved to have back a photo of himself being presented to the Queen when she visited his ship at the Royal Naval Fleet REview in Canada.....that is all he wanted ! I have tried Buck House, Getty Images and RN archives, but have never been able to trace the photo !!!! Good luck

Sounds very much like the situation I am in. SIL got dear fil to put his main account in joint names with her after mil died. Myself and my children, his gc, are convinced she is using fil’s money to fund her lifestyle, however my dh refuses to consider his ds would ever do anything wrong. I had a bad experience when my own dm passed away and he just says his family is not like mine. Fil has now had to go into care, but over the last year, she has been taking money out of his account and putting it in another account to ensure his savings are low enough that they can’t be used to help fund his placement. She has put this money in an account she has opened with my dh. I think this is so that if anything happens my dh will be equally to blame. I have insisted that my dh has nothing to do with this account as I think she will empty it as soon as fil dies. Meantime my fil’s car has been sold and he says he got nothing for it. Fil has a degree of dementia but when I visit him, which I do at least twice a week he says that she has taken all his money and he has nothing. Whenever she goes on holiday he says where did she get the money and points at himself, saying me!!
Dh and sil have joint power of attorney, but she decides what is to be spent on birthdays, Xmas etc. Dh is far to soft and just lets her get on with it.

It is your husband who should be dealing with this. Who was the executor, the daughter or the son or both?

Your husband needs to go with his father to the bank and close the deceased persons account. Depending on the terms of the deceased persons will, the contents of that account should be passed to the beneficiary.

I wouldnt worry about the bits of jewellery .... not worth the aggro. But your husband needs to ensure the SIL isn’t manipulating the father financially. Bother your husband and his sister need to know what the father’s will says and both be executors to avoid any mistrust IMO. Sure to end up in a family fall out! Lol!

Even if the sister had power of attorney for her mother, it ceased upon the death of their mother.

I don't see why she would have done if FIL is still alive and of sound mind.

Your husband has to contact the bank and the solicitor as doubtful they will discuss it,for security reasons,with yourself. He will be advised as it his relative and yourself by marriage. Get advice on power of attorney.