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Devious SIL or....AIBU

(57 Posts)
Sheian57 Tue 27-Nov-18 17:47:14

My SIL has informed my husband and me today that she has taken her dad to solicitors and drawn up a new will following the death of their mum. She has not arranged for bank account to be closed saying bank don't need to know....however I know there is a significant amount of money in mum's account and that she has been withdrawing it for personal purchases by using her mum's bank card. That account should be closed and money given to dad as per mirror will set up years ago. That said she has informed me today that she has also drawn up her own will and some jewellery left by her mum and grandmother is being willed to our granddaughter (instead of our daughter who recently received some jewellery). I feel aggrieved as when our daughter was around 12 she was given a ring following the death of her great grandmother. When my SIL realised she told our daughter that she had a matching bracelet and said she would like to give her some gold earrings in return for the ring and promised that she would inherit it one day. I believe that this is the jewellery that she is now willing to our gŕanddaughter. My husband refuses to speak up and I am angry about all the deceit. What do people think?

annodomini Tue 27-Nov-18 18:23:13

Who is the executor of the will? I would expect your husband to have been a joint executor with his sister. If your SiL isn't an executor, she has no right to make decisions about the disposal of property. I think you would be within your rights to consult a solicitor.

tanith Tue 27-Nov-18 18:23:28

If this is your husbands sister then it’s really between them and it’s not up to you to intervene. He should inform the bank that his Mum has died and then his Dad should inherit as per the will if that’s what it says.

Madgran77 Tue 27-Nov-18 18:33:47

It is a bit suspicious especially if you are correct about using her mother's bank card! That is illegal if she has used it since MIL died btw even if it is a joint account with FIL! My question mark would be over what your FIL is agreeing to without reference to his son, your husband! A bit odd!!

However it really is for your husband to sort out and if he is unwilling to do that then I think you have to abide by his wishes

Regarding the just isn't worth getting hung up on in my view!

Sheian57 Tue 27-Nov-18 18:49:35

Madgran77 the account is in MIL name only. MIL died in May and bank account statement was left on table showing transactions to beauty therapies! Looks like she is dipping in whenever she wants money. Recently had a holiday to gran Canaria! If bank find out she will be in trouble for fraud. DH putting head in sand.

M0nica Tue 27-Nov-18 19:42:29

Sheian57 I understand how you feel. In your position I would feel the same. I assume you have brought to your DH's attention that his sister is using money from their mother's account to fund her life style and the evidence you have seen, but unless your DH is prepared to take action, there really is nothing you can do.

Jalima1108 Tue 27-Nov-18 20:14:52

If the bank account is in MIL name only and MIL died in May the bank should have been informed immediately and a stop put on the account.

Only if an account is in joint names can another person use that account.

Your DH needs to inform the bank and the solicitor.

lemongrove Tue 27-Nov-18 21:45:12

I think.....that wills cause more problems within families than anything else and are not worth getting yourself worked up about.

janeainsworth Tue 27-Nov-18 22:13:52

I’m sure it is illegal to withdraw funds from a bank account, knowing the account holder is deceased, even if the person withdrawing the funds had power of attorney.
Perhaps you could tell your SiL this and point out that she might be prosecuted once the bank finds out, as they will eventually.

Coconut Wed 28-Nov-18 10:40:17

I’d be inclined to speak to the bank plus get legal advise ASAP, so many people are greedy and deceptive where Wills are concerned.

red1 Wed 28-Nov-18 10:47:16

why do people do this? so many reasons why, greed,hurt,or just bad people.My ex SIL put the house she lived in till her mum was put in a nursing home in her name without consulting anyone, denying my sons or their mother any inheritance. apparantly my ex is going to contest it at some point. the family was a relatively friendly one! this area is such a sad reflection of the dark side of human nature.

GabriellaG Wed 28-Nov-18 10:50:52

If it's your SiL's mum then it's not your business. Hand the responsibility over to your DH, it's his family.

holdingontometeeth Wed 28-Nov-18 10:53:58

Squabbles after death certainly seems to show the greed and nature of some people.

Caro57 Wed 28-Nov-18 10:59:30

I feel very strongly about such matters. Unless it is a joint account taking money out of it is a criminal offence - theft! The bank should be informed and The account should be frozen until probate is granted. If it was me I would be informing the bank ASAP.

NemosMum Wed 28-Nov-18 11:09:01

I would inform the bank of your MIL's death (you'll need a Death Certificate) because they should have been informed and anyone drawing funds is acting illegally. You don't have to say anything to the bank about your SIL. Leave the other matters to your husband and just forget about the jewellery, which is trivial.

Aepgirl Wed 28-Nov-18 11:09:25

Apart from the moral issues here, there is a legal obligation to inform the bank. If your SIL is drawing money from the account then there may not be any left eventually for Dad. Speak to a solicitor.

Gypsyqueen13 Wed 28-Nov-18 11:13:50

The love of money is the root of all evil. If the bank account is being used as you suspect it is fraud - pure and simple. Inform the bank with as much information as you are able to provide - name, address of deceased account holder and the person who is fraudulently using the account etc and let the bank deal with it. Good luck

anitamp1 Wed 28-Nov-18 11:24:31

This might catch up with her at some point. If she's had a pension paid into the account which suddenly stops that may raise a red flag. I think it's very important that the bank is notified. You need to press your DH to ensure this happens, even if it just to protect himself from any risk of being accused of collusion if any legal issues arise.

rizlett Wed 28-Nov-18 11:27:12

some helpful info here:-

JS06 Wed 28-Nov-18 11:29:56

Have a look at this helpful and clear article Sheian57

There's only one thing I'd be doing today if I were you and that would be alerting the relevant bank with the facts. Leave them to deal thereafter. I disagree with the posters who say this is your husband's concern. Oh no, not when your daughter is involved. Good luck.

newnanny Wed 28-Nov-18 11:52:29

If your dh does not want to talk to bank to tell them his dm has died then You should do so including telling them the date of death. If your sil has been dipping into this money then she will have to explain why and for what purpose to the bank. If she has taken money for holidays and beauty treatments for herself then this theft. Who is the executive to you mil will? You could inform them what has been happening. I know this is your husbands sister but really she has not been behaving well as the money should have gone to her dh as per her will.

dysongirl Wed 28-Nov-18 12:27:45

Was your husband not the executor of the will also?
If there is just the two children he should have stepped in before all this commotion
My Parents passed with in a year of each other and the two eldest children were executors
He needs to step up before it is too late

justrolljanet Wed 28-Nov-18 12:45:16

You must inform the bank and solicitor, this is a criminal act by your SIL.

Magrithea Wed 28-Nov-18 13:00:42

The solicitor should have ensured it was your FiL's wishes that were being recorded in the new will, not SiL's. When I went with Mum to get her will reviewed and amended the solicitor was very careful to ensure Mum spoke not me. I agree that bank account should be closed and that your SiL shouldn't be using it for her own spending!

Happysexagenarian Wed 28-Nov-18 13:06:01

I think you should notify the bank of the date of your MIL's death and say simply that you happened to see a bank statement and noticed there have been withdrawals using her bank card since that date. Whether you tell them your SIL is involved is up to you. They will do their own investigations and may take legal action against her. The longer she continues to use the account the worse it could be for her.