Life Lessons

Over the years I have slowly changed my friends and social life by saying no and dropping people who I would call doom and gloom. Life has been a real struggle at times but I don't let it get me down and get on with it, I don't want people in my life who are full of doom.

[anja]

If I were a close friend of yours GabriellaG54 I too would move far away and hopefully become a far far away ripple before you ‘discarded’ me for not being a constant gregarious joy in your sunny life.

There are times when friends are sour and pessimistic because life has dealt them a cruel blow. Those people don’t need you for sure. They need someone who is a ‘true’ friend.

Let’s hope you never become ill, fed up, therefore less gregarious and get tossed to the wayside by your ever changing circle of joyful (superficial) friends who do nothing but add to your life. Until you need them.

You reap what you sow.

My life lessons - listen to what that inner voice is telling you rather than trying to ignore it. Trust your own instincts. And it's ok to say no. Wish someone had told me that years ago.

I'm still learning life's lessons at 58. We think we are experienced and on the right path, and then shit life happens and knocks us down. And I'm still struggling to get back up. My life lesson is that the lesson continues until we die, we are always learning. Wish I'd known that ten years ago .

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, if they are unpleasant - maybe they are struggling with something/had a tough childhood or whatever. Well I had a really bad childhood, neglected, drunken, violent father etc but I hope I don't take it out on anyone else. In fact I hope it makes me more compassionate.

Life lesson learnt? Survival is not enough.

I’ve had a really, really bad year. I’ve learned that there’s no one there for you when you really need them.

Sara yes, I understand that such people are damaged but should they damage others? Is your past a reason to treat others badly? If that were the case my children would have had a really tough time. I learned from my bad experience and was determined to do better. I can have all the empathy under the sun and have forgiven but this behaviour is damaging me and others.

Find this decidedly interesting as I tend to be the instigator of various lunch meetings. After a mutually agreed gap over the festive season I decided to wait until those involved contacted me lest they think I'm too pushy. Eating out is a huge hobby of mine and I don't want to overdo the suggestions. Happily some of my cohorts have been on asking 'where are we going next?' I'm delighted and immediately get my diary out and then move to my list of new places to try. Hadn't realised how many of my dining companions absolutely dislike choosing the venue whereas I love doing so. Happy days.

I think I’ve come to the realisation that people who are unpleasant; unkind; bullying; arrogant; superior - whatever you want to call it are, in reality, often hurt and/or frightened children inside. It helps me to maintain a feeling of detatchment and calm, as well as compassion and clear boundaries, if I have to be around them.

Oh yes Blinko and in my case I can't just drop the person from my life.

Good post, Nonnie. I've experienced something similar. No matter how kind, generous and positive one is, there will be people who try to put you down.

Don't date married men is one I'm working hard on.

I like to 'refresh my circle of friends every so often.
Close friends who have moved too far away to see with any regularity, become the furthest ripples in the pool and I'm always meeting new people to add centrally, so to speak. I try to only 'discard' the ones who don't realise that friendship is a two way street and I'm not going to be the one taking all the initiatives.
I meet lots of people at quiz nights and weekly coffee mornings at my local club.
If you are more gregarious, like me, striking up conversations is no problem but I have one rule.
My friends add something to my life. Those who become a drain on my energy and who have a perpetually sour or pessimistic outlook are allowed to slip away.

Molly I don't think you can let go emotionally with someone you love, it is a bereavement. Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up about it.

Letting go of friendships and family is my issue. My son is estranged from me , he has hurt me repeatedly but I still miss him and think of him. On a good day I'm ok with it, but at Christmas and his birthday I just can't let it go.

That's so true, Coconut. For me it has taken a very long time to learn to say NO nicely. If only I'd learned that when I was younger.
Also - listen to that INNER VOICE - that instinct or whatever you want to call it. It can guide you to stay on the right path, out of danger. I won't go into specifics but again things would have been better if I hadn't ignored it when I was young.

Life often gives us the tests, before we have had all the lessons !

I've recently cut ties with a couple who were always so negative that I felt depressed after I'd seen them.Life is much nicer without their constant moaning .Wish I'd done it years ago.

What is it they say?
We have three types of friends in life.
Friends for a reason,
Friends for a season
And friends for a lifetime.

I can identify with the posts here. I think I have learned that we have to declutter our acquaintances as well as our home. What/who was good for us 20 years ago may no longer be great for us today. Or people who were on the periphery of our life have become very good friends. Letting things go rather than cling on for the sake of the past but also being open for new friendships.

I haven't known many. I can think of two!

Too right Katie I am lucky that I only know one of them.

No Nonnie you can't fix people like that. Until a few years ago, I didn't believe that anyone was deliberately horrible. I always looked for reasons for their behaviour. I now realise that some people are not nice full stop.