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Life Lessons

(63 Posts)
Lumarei Thu 17-Jan-19 09:09:06

Having just responded on MissAdventure’s thread about decluttering, I realised AGAIN how much that subject gets to me. I feel that the majority or the most important people in my life have been hoarders or untidy/messy people (parents, inlaws, partners, friends and some children)
Mess and clutter really get to me and it is recurring in my life and has made me overly minimalist and tidy. Also I have been moving around a lot and away from family which is painful but necessary and also had to go through a divorce. It makes me think that LETTING GO is my life lesson . Letting go of people, things and plans. Until I have grappled this issue and not find it so hard/painful/annoying it will recur until I learn to deal with it and does not frustrate me any more.
Do any of you find that there are certain issues have cropped up in your life repeatedly and do you regard these difficulties as life lessons?

Teetime Thu 17-Jan-19 09:14:26

Well I suppose the common denominator is me who seems to be a very slow learner life wise.

Lumarei Thu 17-Jan-19 09:26:46

That’s exactly what I feel like “a slow learner”

Squiffy Thu 17-Jan-19 10:21:13

Me too! sad

Telly Thu 17-Jan-19 11:40:43

I have the hoard gene, got it from my mother. It's really tough but I am fighting against it, mainly because I don't want my children to have to go through the clutter that my mother left. Talking about rubber bands, margarine tubs, gas bills from 1962 etc. etc.

Nonnie Thu 17-Jan-19 11:54:25

I have learned that no matter how kind you are, how thoughtful and considerate, how well you lead your life some people will still want to hurt you. It is not your fault there are people who are just plain nasty. I spent years examining my conscience, trying to see what I had done wrong until someone made me see it wasn't me. The person I was having such a bad time with was described by a beautiful person, who never says anything bad about anyone, as 'evil'. She forced me to see that there was nothing I could do to improve the situation. Still hard to accept but there really are horrible people in the world.

DanniRae Thu 17-Jan-19 12:29:09

Well said Nonnie.

Nonnie Thu 17-Jan-19 13:59:32

Thanks Dannie the hardest lesson I have ever learned.

KatyK Thu 17-Jan-19 14:22:15

Great post Nonnie. I have been in that situation too. I thought it was me who was wrong, then realised this 'wonderful person' was not so wonderful. I know I am a good, decent person but began to feel otherwise.

annep Thu 17-Jan-19 14:30:48

Yes. Be nice to people because you want to be or it makes you happy. Not because you want anything in return.

DoraMarr Thu 17-Jan-19 15:20:38

There are very few things you absolutely have to do.

Twin2 Thu 17-Jan-19 15:41:38

I believe my mum was right you end up with true friends on one hand

I am learning some friendships which I thought were for life come to the end.

It’s a hard lesson.

Some friendships also appear to be one way. I’m the one who phones and arrange things which are really enjoyable. but there are no return calls or arrangements. There are 2 ends to a phone. Dh says don’t stress about it !!

I did have the courage to say to 1 friend she never rang me only txt and she said she genuinely hadn’t realised.
Maybe I need to be brave and say something.

Nonnie Thu 17-Jan-19 16:00:08

Katy I think that I have been the go to person for everyone's problems for so long that I expect to always be able to fix things. You can't fix someone who only thinks of themselves and has no friends and has cut out members of their own family. You can't fix someone who is vengeful and never wrong, even when their is proof they are.

twin I suspect we all have friends like that. When I had a big life change I decided I was no longer going to be the one who did all the contacting. This has resulted in losing contact with one person but another one has chased after me when I stopped contacting her. Surprising how you don't miss them once you have decided to stop working at it.

KatyK Thu 17-Jan-19 17:00:14

No Nonnie you can't fix people like that. Until a few years ago, I didn't believe that anyone was deliberately horrible. I always looked for reasons for their behaviour. I now realise that some people are not nice full stop.

Nonnie Thu 17-Jan-19 17:08:29

Too right Katie I am lucky that I only know one of them.

KatyK Thu 17-Jan-19 19:41:23

I haven't known many. I can think of two!

Lumarei Thu 17-Jan-19 19:44:06

I can identify with the posts here. I think I have learned that we have to declutter our acquaintances as well as our home. What/who was good for us 20 years ago may no longer be great for us today. Or people who were on the periphery of our life have become very good friends. Letting things go rather than cling on for the sake of the past but also being open for new friendships.

Sparklefizz Thu 17-Jan-19 21:01:31

What is it they say?
We have three types of friends in life.
Friends for a reason,
Friends for a season
And friends for a lifetime.

paddyann Thu 17-Jan-19 23:26:58

I've recently cut ties with a couple who were always so negative that I felt depressed after I'd seen them.Life is much nicer without their constant moaning .Wish I'd done it years ago.

Coconut Fri 18-Jan-19 09:51:31

Life often gives us the tests, before we have had all the lessons !

lovebeigecardigans1955 Fri 18-Jan-19 10:05:17

That's so true, Coconut. For me it has taken a very long time to learn to say NO nicely. If only I'd learned that when I was younger.
Also - listen to that INNER VOICE - that instinct or whatever you want to call it. It can guide you to stay on the right path, out of danger. I won't go into specifics but again things would have been better if I hadn't ignored it when I was young.

Mollyplop Fri 18-Jan-19 10:06:02

Letting go of friendships and family is my issue. My son is estranged from me , he has hurt me repeatedly but I still miss him and think of him. On a good day I'm ok with it, but at Christmas and his birthday I just can't let it go.

Nonnie Fri 18-Jan-19 10:17:50

Molly I don't think you can let go emotionally with someone you love, it is a bereavement. Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up about it. flowers

GabriellaG54 Fri 18-Jan-19 11:05:20

I like to 'refresh my circle of friends every so often.
Close friends who have moved too far away to see with any regularity, become the furthest ripples in the pool and I'm always meeting new people to add centrally, so to speak. I try to only 'discard' the ones who don't realise that friendship is a two way street and I'm not going to be the one taking all the initiatives.
I meet lots of people at quiz nights and weekly coffee mornings at my local club.
If you are more gregarious, like me, striking up conversations is no problem but I have one rule.
My friends add something to my life. Those who become a drain on my energy and who have a perpetually sour or pessimistic outlook are allowed to slip away.

PernillaVanilla Fri 18-Jan-19 11:26:05

Don't date married men is one I'm working hard on.