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Would you ask?

(109 Posts)
Willow10 Tue 05-Feb-19 11:22:57

I'm expecting someone to call to give a quote for a roof repair today. I'm also waiting for a call from the gas man about a boiler leak. My neighbour calls in for coffee occasionally and I know exactly what her first question will be - 'how much did that cost you?' She has been asking personal questions about finances ever since I moved in almost six years ago. Is it just me or would others find it extremely rude? I would never dream of asking anyone that question, I don't even ask my grown up children - it's no one else's business as far as I'm concerned. But somehow I've never found the right response that won't sound offensive or rude, so I just blurt out the cost! How do other people deal with this and what would your response be?

Auntieflo Wed 06-Feb-19 13:31:59

Perhaps you could ask her if she needs either a roof or boiler repair. Then you tell her that you will give her the chap’s number, and he could quote her directly. All jobs are different. Some people are just plain nosy. ?

Menopaws Wed 06-Feb-19 17:29:22

My sister will blatantly ask how much you earn but she always does it in a way that catches you out, it's all about money with her.

cornergran Wed 06-Feb-19 17:38:44

My parents always said ‘money in fair words’ when asked the cost of anything. I’ve no idea where the phrase came from but it did seem to divert questions.

annep1 Wed 06-Feb-19 21:09:31

It could be helpful. I had a very costly job done and I know, (as I found out later,) that my neighbour was charged less by the same person. He obviously knew we wouldn't discuss it.
Asking someone's pension- very weird. There are boundaries.

Menopaws Wed 06-Feb-19 21:15:47

Done an injustice to my lovely sister I meant sister in law

Pat1949 Wed 06-Feb-19 21:50:12

cornergran That's exactly what my mum used to say.

grannyactivist Thu 07-Feb-19 00:02:03

I just paid pennies less than £168 shock to get a Landlord's Gas Certificate and my boiler serviced - and I really don't care who knows it! gringrin

Seriously, I grew up knowing every detail of my family's finances (which basically meant I knew there wasn't actually any spare money to be had). I also knew the financial affairs of most of our neighbours as we lived on a road where lending and borrowing was the norm and it could be anything from a winter coat for a special outing to a cigarette, a cup of sugar or 'ten bob 'til pay day'. Conversations about money were frequent and heartfelt both within and outside the family.

When I met my husband and we discussed finances we were both shocked; he at my brazen curiosity and me at the fact that he'd never, ever had a discussion about money with his parents and was horrified at the very thought.

annep1 Thu 07-Feb-19 08:27:34

That brought back memories Grannyactivist. Sharing got women through hard times.

Grammaretto Thu 07-Feb-19 08:52:12

Yes GA horses for courses!
I used to have a very nosey neighbour and I felt a bit uncomfortable around her. She had been a store detective and her powers of observation were amazing.
It wasn't just how much did you pay but when did you buy that? She knew more about us than we knew ourselves.
We moved away and lost contact but she's still famous in our family. We later named a pet after her!!
Among our neighbours and friends we discuss the cost of all the various jobs. Someone just had a quote for £2000 for repairing a brick wall. We all thought that too steep.
Personal finances are another thing altogether.

B9exchange Thu 07-Feb-19 09:00:31

She's not American is she? The ones I have known seen quite happy swapping details of their income etc, but there is no way I would reveal my personal financial details to anyone, that is definitely one step too far!

Charleygirl5 Thu 07-Feb-19 09:23:41

I have a friend who wants to know what everything cost, all earnings and savings etc. This nosiness has come back to bite her because she agreed to be POA to another friend, mainly because she wanted to know the ins and outs of her bank balance but that friend has deteriorated, mainly dementia so this one is driving a fair few miles weekly to sort out meals of the week, drugs etc. She cannot get out of it.

It is not only wanting to know eg the number of premium bonds I have, but I then get a lecture on where my money should go. I now have short term memory loss for most things and with her, it works well.

Nanny123 Thu 07-Feb-19 09:49:08

You could try and avoid telling her by say “oh you really dont want to know” or “more than I thought it would going to cost” or joke and say “well thats put and end to that nice dress I was going to treat myself to at the weekend” avoid telling her and hopefully she wont ask a second time.

sarahcyn Thu 07-Feb-19 09:49:59

Asking how much some work in the house cost is not prying into your personal finances.
It's just working out what a ball-park figure might be for similar work.
If she asked you how much cash you had left over in your savings account - that WOULD be prying!

Ramblingrose22 Thu 07-Feb-19 09:50:45

Willow10 - if you don't feel comfortable discussing your personal finances or what you have paid for things then don't.

You could simply say "I never talk about financial matters to other people as I regard them as private" and your neighbour will soon get the message.

If she asks again (highly likely), say exactly the same thing or ask her why she needs to know. That will put her on the spot!

BStP Thu 07-Feb-19 09:58:35

Does anyone suffer from trigeminal neuralgia? My gp has disgnosed it after I have been suffering awful jaw pains for 3 weeks that have reduced me to tears and my dentist confirmed it was not my teeth. Silly things can set the awful pain off such as a duvet just touching my chin or drinking a cup of coffee. It is v unpleasant and I am hoping the diagnosis is wrong and it may just go away as quickly as it came as I do not want to live on the prescribed anti convulsant tablets that seem to be the only thing to help with nerve pain.
I would like an MRI to confirm diagnosis and wondering if other sufferers had had one done and what dose of medication they are on and if it can go as quickly as it came!

mbody Thu 07-Feb-19 10:00:53

Try my grandmother’s reply to such questions “money and fair words “

lovebeigecardigans1955 Thu 07-Feb-19 10:03:25

If she asks about your pension say, "Well, that's rather personal", and leave it at that. Change the subject. She should stop asking - if she doesn't repeat yourself.

BStP Thu 07-Feb-19 10:05:48

Sorry the message re trigeminal neuralgia has been posted in the wrong place ...please ignore it

razzmatazz Thu 07-Feb-19 10:06:05

Make a joke of it and just say " Ooooh, the earth " and if she repeats the question by saying "But how much exactly " just repeat the answer and laugh. Broken record.

Gelisajams Thu 07-Feb-19 10:08:42

We had a large tree cut back in the summer and our next door neighbour asked how much. 2 days later he knocked on the door with cash for half the cost and insisted we had it, despite our refusal. He said it had made such a difference to his light levels!

nipsmum Thu 07-Feb-19 10:08:45

Far too much . That's my usual answer to that question then quickly change the subject.

Sarahmob Thu 07-Feb-19 10:10:15

I wouldn’t dream of asking the price, although I would ask who’d done a job and if they’d recommend them if I was looking for a similar job to be done. Apart from that what something costs is no business of anyone other than the people paying out. If I wanted to check the fairness of a quote, I might say how much I’d been quoted and ask a friend if they thought it was a fair price.

Summerstorm Thu 07-Feb-19 10:12:59

My mother always had the perfect answer if anyone asked that “ if it was any of your business I would I would tell you, but it is not “ It could be considered a bit rude but then asking is a bit rude also

annifrance Thu 07-Feb-19 10:17:28

I'm happy to pass on tradesmen et al costs if they are considering doing same. But if it's just noseyness it smacks of monitoring your finances.

Personal financial matters as in pension then I would reply 'that's between me and my bank account'.

Foxyferret Thu 07-Feb-19 10:24:07

When asked how much things cost, my Aunt used to say “not as much as you would think”