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baby shower

(29 Posts)
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GrandmainOz Wed 13-Feb-19 21:56:14

AndelID I think maybe you should just go. Your DIL may be feeling a bit sensitive after all she's been through, having a preemie baby and all the worry that would go along with that.
She's obviously trying to be kind by inviting you, and you could hurt her feelings by refusing. Many MILs on this forum are very upset when they are "left out" of things by their DILs and causes troubled relationships. You clearly have a thoughtful DIL who wants you to be involved.
Could you just go for a short while? Just my opinion!
I find it best to take my lead from my DIL and so far it's paid off. We get on well, and I see plenty of little GS as a result because she feels valued. Good luck.

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MissAdventure Wed 13-Feb-19 21:52:52

I'm not sure how this works.
Is it your daughter in laws baby shower, or yours?
Surely you can't tell her you don't want her mum there?
Who is paying the costs of the baby shower?

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muffinthemoo Wed 13-Feb-19 21:50:46

Errrr.

There is no polite way to say "I'm not coming because I really don't want your mom to come to MY party."

Her mom invited you, you need to invite her mom. End of.

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AngelD Wed 13-Feb-19 21:44:31

My daughter-in-law and her mother kindly invited me to a "due date shower" for her preemie baby that came home a few weeks ago. All invites have gone to my DIL's friends and family only, because I agreed to host one for our side of the family as well. I prefer not going because
a) this is a "her side" party and I will feel awkward being there.
b) I barely know anyone which will make me feel very uncomfortable because I don't like crowd
c) I've showered them with tons of gifts already and would feel even more awkward not bringing anything
d) I think it would be more intimate for my DIL to have only her side of the family around and
e) I would prefer not having to invite her mother because I'd like my party to be more like an intimate "sip 'n see", that isn't focused on gift-giving but rather for our family and friends meet and greet the little guy because most haven't met the baby yet but have already given gifts while he was in the NICU.
I guess my question is: how do I turn down the invitation politely without offending my DIL and her mom and what do I say? I don't have a legitimate excuse like I'm away or something. And how to I explain to my DIL that I prefer only inviting my side of the family without her mom?

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