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I wonder how many ?

(49 Posts)
Jomarie Sun 03-Mar-19 19:45:42

Just been browsing GNet today (I do most days) and see many new names come up and then sort of disappear over the next few days/weeks. I join in very occasionally, having been slapped down pretty quickly and decisively in my early days, and wondered how many others like myself just read the posts and even though they would like to contribute, do not actually dare!!!!
I'm sure G/Net stats would show this but for the rest of us anyone brave enough to say - "that's me" ???? smile

M0nica Sun 03-Mar-19 19:56:38

Jomarie, the problem with posting on any site, is that sometimes people disagree with you, but I do not think it happens all the time. In fact by the standards of most sites, people on GN are remarkably civilised and courteous, even when they do disagree and most threads are entirely disagreement free.

Listing all the films you have seen 5 times, what you cook when you want an instant hot meal, various health and exercise threads are all that kind of thread.

It is also really a question, of what your definition of being slapped down is. Some people are more sensitive than others and while just a suggestion of disagreement drives some people away in tears. Others are unaffected by people being extremely direct with them.

BlueBelle Sun 03-Mar-19 20:38:47

It took me a while to build up my confidence I didn’t get slapped down but I did feel ignored and felt like everyone knew everyone and I felt an outsider but I persevered and kept plodding away and one day realised its how many people feel and things just take time and now whether people like me or not I do feel I belong
Time will come JoMarie just keep popping in and posting when you can and one day you ll realise you do belong

Tangerine Sun 03-Mar-19 20:48:22

I've enjoyed Gransnet right from the start. Occasionally people haven't agreed with something I've said but no-one has ever been unkind or rude to me.

Mycatisahacker Sun 03-Mar-19 20:53:11

Oh good gracious why are you scared? I was often bullied on mumsnet and as a newbie to gransnet was told by a prolific poster to ‘go away and stop posting!’

Bollocks to that! Always hated bullies from school to now.

Never ever let them stop you posting and having your point of view op. Ever

kittylester Sun 03-Mar-19 21:06:56

A fair few of the people who only post once are aged 12 and having a laugh or so they think!

BradfordLass72 Sun 03-Mar-19 21:18:38

I must admit, when I first joined, I browsed a while and was amazed at how negative and critical a lot of the posters were. First world problems and little annoyances which seemed to stress people out in a way I just couldn't understand.

But then I thought back to my first days in New Zealand and how amazed I was at the stark contrast to the UK , people were so laid-back and easy-going and contented!

Having been here 46 years, I'm not as aware of the "She'll be right, Mate" attitudes as I was. It's part of my life, so to see all this sniping and moaning was quite a shock smile.

Then I began to read genuine problems, things I knew were upsetting and ruining people's lives, especially if they were problems I'd faced - and beaten - myself, so I began to add my 2 cents worth (or often more grin )in the hope they might help.

There was one thread which had me laughing so much I had to leave my computer for a 'comfort stop'. I think it was when one lady said she'd buy a horse to solve her problems smile
There were even questions about this being a wind-up. I don't know if it was ever proven.

I've come across crass arrogance and stupidity in some of the responses on Gransnet (especially in response to my own posts grin, but I just laugh at them.)

There's also unbelievable compassion and sympathy and a genuine, heartfelt desire to help one another. That can't be bad in this naughty world, can it?

I'm certainly not scared or even anxious about posting, whatever the come back and disagreements.

People are entitled to their own opinions and if they (or I) make fools of themselves by expressing them - or help someone by doing so, then that's what a forum is all about.
flowers

Jalima1108 Sun 03-Mar-19 21:18:39

I have developed a thicker skin, or a Teflon layer, since joining GN.

JoMarie don' t be put off.

Yes, some posters do appear, post with very 'interesting' problems then disappear, leaving everyone else pondering the problem grin

Jalima1108 Sun 03-Mar-19 21:21:23

'She'll be right mate' grin - I thought that was a Queensland saying!!
Love it!

GrannyGravy13 Sun 03-Mar-19 21:54:28

JoMarie, hang on please, I read threads for months, my first post was on a political thread and I got well and truly “slapped” a very kind long-standing gransnetter took me under her wing with encouraging PMs and I stayed.

GN is a friendly place - welcome 💐💐

sodapop Sun 03-Mar-19 22:13:49

Well that's telling us Bradfordlass is there a Bradford in NZ ?
Agreements and disagreements Jomarie it would be a very bland place if we all felt the same way. Try the kitchen if you want light and fluffy. Welcome to GN and keep reading you may find something you enjoy.

Liljan Mon 04-Mar-19 00:08:01

Jomarie, I absolutely agree with your views. I had been reading posts for some time and finally got up the courage to ask for some advice...while I received some very positive and supportive responses, there was one “regular poster” who in your words “slapped me down”...that was almost a year ago and until now I have never posted again.

ScotinOz Mon 04-Mar-19 04:13:39

Jomarie, I know what you mean. I'm trying to get braver and post things.

For example, I read soop's kitchen everyday, but have never posted as I don't want to 'intrude'?!?

But I do enjoy reading the forums 😊

BradfordLass72 Mon 04-Mar-19 06:36:57

ScotinOz - if no one 'intruded' there'd be no forum !!! smile

abbey Mon 04-Mar-19 06:42:51

I come here from time to time, usually as a result of an e mail where I see something interesting and occasionally for advice ( the advice is often good and supportive but there are always those.... others).

I suspect I am on the blacklist as one who will speak, as you suggest, my mind and doesn't always agree with the consensus. In fact I probably dissent more than not.

I have been accused of being insensitive - not sure whether I am or not because those who accuse are the ones trying to do the slapping down. Often it is because I contribute to controversial topics.

I think some of the problem is a result of posters thinking that they have a right to their thoughts but want to control the thoughts of others and fail to realise we all have thoughts and opinions . If you do not agree you cant make others think as you do, but as in the wider world , some want to close down discussion when it doesnt go their way.

This is a big problem in social media areas like this. Its a shame because this is one place you should be able to meet people with wider views. and share. If you arent allowed to voice all sides, then no one gets to re assess their position. Shutting or slapping down just entrenches views further often and you end up in sides like a competitive game or you end up with one "side" having to walk away probably disappointed and more than hurt.

Unfortunately the place is dominated by a few who have one particular take on the world and insist they impose that. Consequently many remain silent and just read.

When I first came to social media ( not here as it happens) I got very hurt as I was not battle hardened then. It turned nasty on one thread I remember and I was in tears for weeks. The bullies do not realise how they bully - or they do and do it anyway.

Now I am battle hardened. I wont be shut down and I stick it back to them. Sometimes you have to. They generally do not like it

You have as much right to be here as anyone else , remember that.

TerriBull Mon 04-Mar-19 06:44:27

Jomarie your opinions and comments are as valid as anyone else's post away, don't be put off there isn't a hierarchy on GN even if some give you that impression

kittylester Mon 04-Mar-19 06:46:21

abbey, I am intrigued to know which black list you think you are on.

RosieLeah Mon 04-Mar-19 06:46:45

We all have different personalities and it comes over on sites like this. I very often post on a thread, but don't bother to go back and check if there were any negative reactions to my post. Some people argue just for the sake of arguing.

Bellasnana Mon 04-Mar-19 06:55:03

I know what you mean, Jomarie. I'm another who looks in from time to time, but rarely posts. Sometimes I actually write a reply to someone, then change my mind about pressing send.

I used to post quite a bit and have made some lovely friends on GN, several of whom I have been lucky enough to meet in RL.

Telly Mon 04-Mar-19 07:57:12

I think that we are inclined to take more notice of one or two strident responses than 10 positive replies. Thats just human nature. Post away, your views are just as valid as anyone elses.

M0nica Mon 04-Mar-19 08:39:20

As a regular poster, and one not afraid to be controversial, I find that if I am on a thread which is going nowhere or is a personal ding-dong between two or three people, I just walk away from it because when that happens the thread becomes boring.

Abbey, when I first saw your name, I did not recognise it and assumed you were a new member, so I was a bit surprised to read the content. To be on a 'blacklist' you would need to write a post, press 'post message' and not have it appear on the thread. Has that been happening to you?

posters thinking that they have a right to their thoughts but want to control the thoughts of others and fail to realise we all have thoughts and opinions

This sounds to me like normal discourse where people have different views. I put my view, you put yours and then I either probe the basis of your views or disagree and explain why and I would expect you to do the same to me. I find that type of discourse really helpful and informative.

What irritates me beyond measure is when people make sweeping statements, you ask them to justify or explain part of their view and they refuse to do so? It may be that they do not know, in which case, why not say so. We all have to back off from sweeping statements now and again.

DanniRae Mon 04-Mar-19 09:18:41

I am feeling really proud of myself because I am usually quite an anxious person but when I found Gransnet - which I really LOVE - I jumped right in and POSTED. I can't remember what it was about I only recall that I didn't know how to do it and the post came up twice. That bothered me but I kept on posting. I have always felt valued on here - thank you Gransnetters - and LOVE IT when I post something and someone comes on and says "I agree with Danni!!" smile

Urmstongran Mon 04-Mar-19 09:27:47

I’m a newbie compared to some on here as I’ve been posting for about 18 months (I think). Some of the news & politics forums are like a bear garden and you need a thick skin to go into the fray. Others forums are more gentle with kinder responses.

I think it depends on how I’m feeling on a particular day which threads I’ll post on!

glammanana Mon 04-Mar-19 09:33:04

JoMarie Keep posting and don't worry about anyone else it is hard when you first join and finding your way around but don't give up.
When I first joined the day GN started on line every post I made seemed to bring an end to the topic being discussed I was never acknowledged on my opinions it took a while to feel that I had found my place in the grand scheme of GNers.I have since made many friends over the years and feel all the better for this.flowers

notentirelyallhere Mon 04-Mar-19 09:33:14

Jomarie you're not the only one. There's a lot of holier-than-thou postings and 'just get on with it' postings but not a lot of sensitivity for those who find posting difficult and controversy gone wrong impossible. Some subject areas/threads are worse than others. Some threads become verbally violent, often in an underhand way so that it becomes bullying and the person being bullied has no recourse, just as in life, where 'it was just a joke' or 'man up' or 'I didn't really mean' get said or dictionary definitions of bullying get bandied about.

Telling someone to just be brave flies in the face of all the current understanding and methodology in mental health care. Some posters are endlessly helpful, sensitive and caring but the ones who think there are no problems or who tell others what they 'should' think are the reason lots read the posts but don't post themselves.