School making parents feel guilty

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Antonia!
I've seen that one, posted on FB - DIL, DD and friends circulate the Hurrah for Gin poems!

This thread reminds me of a Hurrah for Gin poem

Book token was worth £1 and children's books cost more than that so still have to find the rest.

It's ridiculous the amount of things school request payments for. Okay its "only a £1" but over the course of a term, it all adds up pretty quickly.

This month alone (bare in mind its only the 11th) we've had

- charity danceathon
- odd socks day
- World book day
- One red nose day event and another on Friday.

All of these have involved some sort of payment or contribution whether that's the PTA or something else.

i feel sorry for parents these days all these things to attend making costumes buying things no end to it all

I think it's pyjamas for Red Nose Day.
Nice and easy, you don't even have to bother to get dressed!

I was impressed by the school in Cornwall whose pupils refused to buy red noses and wrote to say that they were trying to stop the use of single-use plastic. David Attenborough wrote them a letter of support.

www.cornwalllive.com/news/cornwall-news/cornish-school-bans-comic-relief-2489832
Well done them!

Its red nose day soon.
Send in a donation and dress your child in silly, colourful clothes.
(My grandson doesn't 'do' colourful)

Letters home to parents, your child wants x book costing z amount.
When it is World Books Day, our DGC get given tokens which they can 'spend' choosing books in bookshops in town.
They did enjoy it, I must say, and I've just seen photos of them dressed up - and very much enjoy spending their tokens and choosing new books.

Completely understand Gilly
My DGS is the youngest in his class, he is only 5 whereas most of his classmates are already 6.
He finds it difficult to adapt to change.

Last Autumn his young class teacher was removed as she was not teaching to the required standard.
She was replaced by a supply teacher until mid December.

The Deputy headteacher then took over the class until February half term.

On returning to school after half term the class has new young teacher who I hope will stay long enough to see my DGS through to the end of his school year.

She will her work cut out to bring the class up to standard.

In the mean time 4 pupils from the class have been removed by their parents.

I would like to add that the 2 teaching assistants have been amazing they have supported my grandson and imho gone above and beyond to help the whole class through a very difficult year.

Seems to me that the whole point of these invitations is the school (all schools) hoping to have more family involvement in a child's education. I think that's a good thing.

I'm sure, when someone is planning the leaflets and the events, they are not thinking of individual families, incomes, or who works and who doesn't, they are simply hoping some of those receiving the invitations will be able to share in the life of the school.
They are not, after all commands only informational invitations.
Lovely, I wish that had been the case when I was a child.

If you can't go to all or even some - why feel guilty? It is what it is and you do your best.

Eleanor Roosevelt famously said, 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent' - in other words, you choose to feel guilty, the school isn't making you feel that way.

And now I suppose I'll get the 100 lines

As an ex teacher, I couldn't agree more, newnanny.
Perhaps parents need to write formal complaints to schools about these increasing demands on their time and purse; many staff are reluctant to promote these events, but if they express their concerns they are deemed to be 'negative.'
NotTooOld, you are right about TAs being left in charge of classes; they are not qualified and they are not trained and they are certainly not paid at a teaching rate; they are used because they are cheap and money can be saved, only to be used for Academy Governors 'expenses.' These firms don't operate because of altruism; they are in it to make a profit, and if they can't, they abandon the school.

I think it is divisive to hold so many primary school events furing working day. School play held three days in a row but always at 2pm. Easter bonnet parade coming up, again 2pm. Sports day always at 2pm. The fuss recently about school bookfair was rediculous. Three days before book fair, two or three classes go down yo where books fisplayed and spend 1 hour each looking at books, and deciding which ones they want. Book forms given to primary children to fill in. Letters home to parents, your child wants x book costing z amount. Parents invited in to look at books with children. If a parent attends child is again taken out of class. It is not fair on the children that have parents who cannot afford the books to pressure sell in this way. Child had 7 non uniform days last year, meaning parents had to send in £2 or chocolate each time. School parents association also had 3 dponsored events, 2 school disco and a summer fayre and Xmas fayre. I know there are education cutbacks but as a teacher i know the embarrassment and humiliation some children experience when their parents cannot afford for them to participate. It can be devastating to a shy child's self esteme.

My granddaughter 'graduated' from pre-school in cap and gown at the age of four! And surely teachers have better things to do than organise events in schools - stick to a nativity play for the tinies and perhaps a sports day for older year groups. That way teachers have more time to teach and parents need feel no guilt about being unable to attend teddy bears picnics or whatever. Incidentally, teaching assistants should not be left in charge of classes unless they are properly trained and paid for the job. They are not teachers.

It isn't unreasonable if you are worried about a child and the number of supply teachers being used to contact the Head and ask politely if they can give you any explanation and any forecast about the future. That said there is very little anyone can do if a member of staff is off work with a long illness and none of the supply teachers available is prepared to make a long commitment. Schools used to build up relationships with a few teachers, sometimes recently retired staff , sometimes mums of children in the school and try to use them for cover. Unfortunately now it tends to be staff from an agency who have no links to the school and who don't want a full time job. I think if the situation is upsetting your GC you are quite entitled to ask the head to do something more. Perhaps stepping in to do some teaching themselves to provide some continuity or putting permanent teaching assistants into the class to help for the same reason.

I agree gilly how disruptive it is when supply teachers are used instead over a long period of time.

The same for my grandson gilly.
I had to visit the school to make 'things' quite clear at one point, and met his then teacher, who was young, said that she sometimes had him sit near her etc and that she wasn't going anywhere.
She left about a month later, and he has had a succession of teachers since (who I'm sure won't have any idea about the 'things')
I suppose it shows a level of dissatisfaction amongst teaching staff, so nothing I can do.
Its a pity though.

At the risk of causing world war 3 .... I just wish my DGS (year 4) had a permanent teacher . His class have had 4 ( maybe 5?) “supplies”since Christmas . No consistency and they don’t even get chance to get to know the children . He is upset because his “proper” teacher promised him a move up from green group to the top blue group in maths after Christmas but she never came back and the supplies aren’t interested as they are just going through the motions .

Grandmainoz: its the norm now to hire a limo for the end of primary school prom along with the dressing up like a celebrity.

No its not ?
The odd family goes "all out" but those types always existed.

Grandmainoz: its the norm now to hire a limo for the end of primary school prom along with the dressing up like a celebrity. I do not live in a city but a village. Personally I feel sad that this habit has been adopted for such young children. To me it's more than enough that 16 year olds adopted it several years ago. Not all families can afford the expense and what do those children have to look forward to, they are doing everything so young nowadays that used to be considered for when an adult. As for all the events schools ask parents/carers to attend I wonder if some are a way of raising funds.

I haven't time to read all the posts but many of the 'functions' are organised by the PTA to raise money for the school to pay for all the little extras (and some not so little) which enhance the children's education. It's hardly middle class unless you are saying that the lower classes don't fund raise for the school.
The Phonics meeting will be to explain how you can help your child learn at home without confusing them by doing things a different way as parents are apt to do. It seems like a fairly important meeting for parents who are invested in their children's education.
Like anybody else, we have sometimes groaned at the expense of the fundraising but it is so necessary these days as schools are so underfunded and the technology today's schools need. It's that or higher taxes.

RillaofIngleside you are so right. We are expected to offer more opportunities for parents/careers to come into school.
We send out a questionnaire every year to get parent views. It has questions like, “Do you feel welcome in the school?” “Do you feel well informed about your child’s progress?” “Are you informed about how your child is taught?” “Is there anything you would like to see addressed? Also a space to add any other points you would like to raise. You can answer the questionnaire on line or on paper, and only add your contact details if you wish to be contacted.
Many parents ask for information e.g. about Maths techniques such as using empty number lines or how is the grid method used?
We offer workshops during the day or at pick-up time. I appreciate that some parents can’t get away from work (I can’t attend things at my GC’s schools) One thing parents ALWAYS ask for is advance notice of these events.
Re JayLucy’s post, we no longer allow parents in the staff room, (they have their own room), not because we discuss parents or children in whole staff conversations, but because a small number of parents make comments /ask inappropriate questions about children even after signing a confidentiality clause.
Don’t feel guilty if you can’t get to all or any of the events. That’s how it is.
The constant demand for money drives me mad. Even if a school tries to spread out trips etc, it’s a problem. My GC’s school expects children to bring tuckshop money every day. The snacks are reasonably healthy, a slice of toast, a portion of raisins, or a piece of fruit, a drink, but it’s still 50p per day per child!
I love Notanan2’s idea of pairing up to be a child’s ‘person in the crowd’.

There are sadly children who consistently do not have either a parent and grandparent able to attend

Exactly. Because their families are all over the place with complicated( if any) arrangements. Think Sharon Matthews, do you think they were attending lunch and phonics?

One school I taught at had a list up in the staffroom of which relations' funerals you could and couldn't attend.

Needless to say people used to come down with flu at around the same time and take a few days off, why not while you're at it?

I remember in my last year of primary playing Joseph in the school production of Technicolor Dreamcoat every night for a week. (Lot of classes to fit in and every child had to have a part somewhere, even as a walk on)

Not a single relative was seen the entire week. "I'm not wasting my time on this" was the parental comment. When the photos and the article showed up in the paper, the additional comment was "You look stupid in that costume".

It's absolutely grim to know that everyone else has at least someone there, some of the time, except you. It makes you feel like there is absolutely no point in doing any of these extracurricular things because no one even notices that you do.

I know these events are a PITA, but if you could make it along to even one for a wee person you know, it would mean a lot.

Most children have two parents although of course not all. Most children are lucky enough to have a couple of grandparents, maybe more. In most, but not all, cases there is someone about who can participate/support. At my GC primary school they had to resort to only two adults attending any event as there were so many who wanted to attend. My son in law did his best to attend as many events as possible, it does not always have to fall to the mother. There are ways and means.