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School making parents feel guilty

(101 Posts)
Cherrytree59 Wed 06-Mar-19 18:34:37

One week in after half term and my daughter is receiving messages from the school about events taking place during school time and requesting parents to attend.
Next week an afternoon tea party to held by the children (DGS is in year one) and request one parent or grandparent to attend

Friday before Mothering Sunday an invitation to 'Mothers' to join their child for school dinner.

This friday it is a school disco
Why not end of term? So backwards and forwards to school.

Easter concert at local theatre no details as yet.
Fully expecting it to be the week leading up to end of term when we are on holiday.
So it goes on and has done since DGS started reception.

We have so far managed to go to every event that DD has not been able to attend.
Including attending every Thursday morning last year as the school requested parent or grandparent to attend a phonic lessons.

My little DGS (2) starts reception next September (same school) I will be back to phonics lessons and standing in DD when I can.

However my 3rd DGS also starts reception in September and lives a couple hundred miles away.
I am sad we are unable to stand in for working son and Dil at school events.
We are unfortunately the only grandparents and there are no other relatives living in their area.

I enjoy participating in my DGS education but I don't like the pressure put on parents by the school and feel sorry for children in my DGS class who do not have a parent or grandparent able to attend.sad

MissAdventure Wed 06-Mar-19 18:36:37

I totally understand that.
It seems as if every week there is an 'event' of some sort, and there is only me now to attend these things.

It really is too much at times.

Jalima1108 Wed 06-Mar-19 19:26:31

I can only remember my mother going in to school two or three times in all the time I was there.

We have rarely been able to attend any of DGS's school events but try to go to the ones for the local DGC.
If a parent is working and can't get time off - and some work in other schools - or there is no-one else to go to the event, the child may feel quite anxious not to have anyone there.

It's all getting rather too much imo.

52bright Wed 06-Mar-19 19:53:00

I know where you are coming from. My daughter is a full time teacher in a high school. Her husband is a stay at home dad so there is always one parent attending events and I and my husband can sometimes go as well. However its hard for my daughter to never get to any events ...especially the Christmas Carol service.It is impossible to get even unpaid time off for these things in her school.

My niece is a reception class teacher and she always manages to get time off for children's events. Her Senior Management Team is much more sympathetic about such events. She thinks this is because, as a primary school, they always hope and expect that a parent can come along to support their own events.

There are always a few children who have no-one who can attend. Recently the end of summer term event has been put on in the afternoon and evening so that more parents can manage one time or the other.

Deedaa Wed 06-Mar-19 20:01:42

Our primary school always arranges a selection of morning, afternoon and evening performances of plays and concerts so that most parents will be able to attend.

Lily65 Wed 06-Mar-19 20:17:58

With all due respect, it all sounds rather middle class. Parents don't have time and many children rely on childminders/after school clubs. Not terribly sensitive to invite mothers to lunch.

notanan2 Wed 06-Mar-19 21:37:42

I have paired up with parent friends before to be their kids "person in the crowd" for the ones they couldnt make and vica versa.

That way the kid knows that there is someone in the crowd looking for them to wave at etc who will be cheering for them. They get told mum/dad cant make it but look for X's mum, she'll be clapping for you.

Means that they're not staring out at a crowd of people just there for other people with no-one there looking for them

Beau Wed 06-Mar-19 22:17:22

What's wrong with it sounding 'middle class' Lily65?
Not everyone (or even most people) live in deprived areas of inner cities.

MissAdventure Wed 06-Mar-19 22:29:42

I haven't got any parent friends these days.
I had them when I was a parent, but none now.

I'm all out of step with everything and everyone, it seems.

gillybob Wed 06-Mar-19 22:56:30

Word of warning cherrytree don’t ever criticise a school or teachers ! Blimey all hell breaks loose if you do . I once said my DGD didn’t like her teacher !!!!!

MissAdventure Wed 06-Mar-19 23:01:00

Anyone criticising the education system will get lines.
In fact, we probably all will. sad

Jalima1108 Wed 06-Mar-19 23:04:38

Including attending every Thursday morning last year as the school requested parent or grandparent to attend a phonic lessons
Why I wonder?
Is that because the person taking phonics has not had the necessary checks?

The DGC managed to cope with phonics without a parent or grandparent being present, although they did run a maths course for parents.

MissAdventure Wed 06-Mar-19 23:07:12

I'm sure its just meant to be inclusive, but it really is a pain in the neck.
Spotty day, picnic day, pancake day, book day, this meeting, that meeting.
It was terrible when my daughter was really poorly.
We missed all of them!

gillybob Wed 06-Mar-19 23:09:21

Teachers all attending day ? Hmm 🤔 maybe not !

Elrel Thu 07-Mar-19 00:35:54

Every Thursday morning? More is gained from looking at a book together than from endless phonics.

GrandmainOz Thu 07-Mar-19 01:35:09

I have found that the level of involvement requested by primary schools is becoming ridiculous. Causes so much guilt and hassle.
Don't get me started on the last year of primary school! Where I live it's now being treated as if they are graduating from university. Dinners, assemblies, ceremonies, celebrations. Often requiring not just parental presence, but significant financial outlay. Graduation dresses for 11 year olds!

Cherrytree59 Thu 07-Mar-19 06:22:22

Elrel The school called it 'phonics'
It was for all children and either one parent or GP every Thursday for 1 hour for the first half a term after child starts reception class

No reading books.
The teacher would set up various activities in each table and you would move around class with the child encouraging and helping the child, Then as a GP report back to parents.

The idea was that the parents would understand the methods involved in teaching their child and use similar methods at home.
Information sheets given out at the end.

gilly I will be careful smile

The schools is keen to get parents and grandparents involved but often both parents are at work or at home with a baby or toddler. Not all children have grandparents at hand.

Cherrytree59 Thu 07-Mar-19 06:25:53

GrandmainOz my grandson graduated fron reception! Parents and GP invited of coursehmm

Anja Thu 07-Mar-19 08:01:06

Another ‘knock the schools’ thread?

GrandmainOz Thu 07-Mar-19 08:07:32

Cherrytree59 Lordy! I'm all for celebrating children's achievement. I fervently believe children thrive on recognition and encouragement. But this business of celebrating EVERYTHING when it hasn't actually involved an achievement on the child's part. I think it's over the top. How do children distinguish this hoopla from real praise for learning/perseverance/effort? It makes real milestones meaningless. Moving up a year is exciting for the child, but that's it. What's wrong with the end-of-year classroom party where each child brought a plate of biscuits or something and games were played before hometime?
In my part of the world I have honestly read of mothers in the big cities hiring limos to take children to Grade 6 graduation night. Seriously.
Sorry, long post. Bee in my bonnet!!confused

GrandmainOz Thu 07-Mar-19 08:11:21

anja I'm not knocking schools: I am quite sure all this extra curricular activity is a nightmare for overstretched teachers who would rather be putting their limited resources into their jobs. They presumably didn't have event planning as a module whilst training for a job in education!

downtoearth Thu 07-Mar-19 08:20:02

* MissA* I have stood in your shoes.
Wish we lived nearerflowers

Grandma70s Thu 07-Mar-19 08:25:18

It seems like nonsense to me. Graduation means getting a degree as far as I’m concerned, which really is an achievement, or should be.

I really cannot imagine how my son and DIL cope with all the school demands and events, particularly the endless need for costumes, special hats and so on. There’s a lot of baking for cake sales, too. It would have defeated me, I think. I live nowhere near them, so can’t get to things. The other grandparents manage it sometimes, though even they are hardly next door - about two hours away by car.

Cherrytree59 Thu 07-Mar-19 08:26:53

Yes Granmainoz I completely agree.
Same bees buzzing round my bonnetgrin

Anja No!!!
'Its not a knock the school thread'!
Its about upsetting young children and
Placing unnecessary pressure on parents
and more than likely pressure on teachers with children themselves.
Schools are to educate and nurture children not to make a child different from his classmates.

Cherrytree59 Thu 07-Mar-19 08:39:39

Anja check out staff room on MN.
See how physically knackered the teachers are.

Read how many are leaving the profession they love because of pressure and stress.

Read how the teachers want to concentrate on teaching the children in their class but are buried under paperwork and attending extra curricular events.