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Just been made to feel I have one foot in the grave

(46 Posts)
giulia Tue 26-Mar-19 14:53:16

I'm nearly 74, and thought I wore my age quite well. Ok - I am a bit stiff from an arthritic hip but I carry on regardless.

I still have mixed feelings whenever I am offered a seat on the bus (YES! It does happen!). However, this morning I was mortified: I was sitting in a hospital waiting room with my husband. He was the patient, not me. I got up at one point to go to the loo and a woman offered me her CRUTCH! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry as I declined her kind offer! I feel sooo demoralised.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Tue 26-Mar-19 14:58:57

Perhaps you got up from your chair and looked a like it was a bit of an effort due to the stiff hip.
I really wouldn't worry about it too much.
Last time I visited my sister her lovely dog sat on my lap for two hours. When I got out from under my stiff hip gave me a bit of gyp and I found it tricky to straighten up. As I'd walked instead of taking the car BIL insisted on giving me a lift in the car. Now that me me feel a bit decrepit!

EllanVannin Tue 26-Mar-19 15:29:54

I think that people just take it as par for the course when the elderly are seen at the hospital whether accompanying someone or not.

MawBroon Tue 26-Mar-19 15:38:47

I am always offered a seat on the underground and usually also on London buses.
I think I look a youthful enough 71, but do have completely silver hair.
I accept gracefully (and gratefully) with thanks!

Teetime Tue 26-Mar-19 15:39:23

I just think people dont always think of the impact they are having on others good or bad.

MawBroon Tue 26-Mar-19 15:42:51

Kindness can only have one impact surely?

KatyK Tue 26-Mar-19 15:43:52

I met my friend at the bus stop yesterday. She was already there and sitting down in the bus shelter. All the seats were taken so I was standing up chatting to her. The young lady who was sitting next to her offered me her seat. I told myself it was because she thought I would be more comfortable sitting next to my friend chatting. smile

KatyK Tue 26-Mar-19 15:44:44

We were going into town. We don't just meet at random bus stops!

Telly Tue 26-Mar-19 18:21:03

Oh dear! Guess she thought that she was being helpful.

Willow10 Wed 27-Mar-19 07:25:35

Out shopping with my granddaughter recently she asked me - TWICE - if I needed the toilet! I pulled a face the second time and she said ' Just checking Nan! And if you don't behave yourself I'll make you sit in the trolley!' I'm just hoping she got me mixed up with her 16 month old son - not that she thinks I'm going back to my second childhood.grin

craftyone Wed 27-Mar-19 07:32:57

If someone kindly offers me a seat or opens the door for me then I always smile sweetly and thank them. I don`t often need these kind gestures but it is heartwarming to know that chivalry is not dead

What I do hate is people speaking down to me at the supermarket. I have a very active astute brain which belies my appearance, again I smile sweetly and let it go. It will happen to them one day

BlueSapphire Wed 27-Mar-19 07:45:46

Welcome back Maw! And you certainly don't look your age!

Kandinsky Wed 27-Mar-19 07:47:08

In the good old days men would offer women a seat on the bus regardless of age, open doors too.
I think feminism put a stop to that sad
Op: & others. Be glad there are kind & thoughtful people still around.

sodapop Wed 27-Mar-19 08:22:20

Yes I agree with your last sentence Kandinsky it's good to know there are still kind and courteous people around,

Framilode Wed 27-Mar-19 09:49:04

When we had our bathrooms redone recently the workmen were in and out of the house for weeks. I thought I got on with them quite well joking and having some fun.

One afternoon I had gone for a nap and they came into the bedroom not knowing I was there. One of the men then went to apologise to my husband saying 'I didn't realise the OLD DEAR was asleep'. I was torn between being mad, mortified and thinking it funny.

We don't see ourselves as others do.

Annaram1 Wed 27-Mar-19 10:03:19

I always think I look young for my age (78). I still have my original honey coloured hear and very few lines. I was in Waitrose last week when a little boy coming down the aisle towards me said "Let the old lady through first." I was brought down a few pegs, and I leaned towards him and said "Old ladies have white hair and I don't. So I am not old, am I?" We never change to ourselves, only to others.

Lclaytonuk555 Wed 27-Mar-19 10:09:25

It’s possible the lady who offered you her crutch was more aware of people struggling to get up than someone else who was healthy so it might not be apparent to everyone, just she was more sensitive.

It is difficult. I have had to start using a wheelchair when I go out ( for a different reason) and have great difficulty getting used to it.

Nannyme Wed 27-Mar-19 10:12:01

both of us of similar age on a busy bus in London, standing room only, my OH gets offered a seat which he declined so the young man sat down again. I thought it was funny, OH was mortified that I wasn’t offered the seat.

Bobdoesit Wed 27-Mar-19 10:16:49

A similar thing happened to me four or five years ago; I was no more than 64 at the time. A friend and I spent the day walking in London when we got back to the terminus at Waterloo a young woman jumped up and offered me her seat. Lovely of her but I was so embarrassed especially as I’m younger than my friend. She was kind about it but couldn't resist a little self-congratulation. smile

olliebeak Wed 27-Mar-19 10:24:42

Willow10 - that made me giggle!

My entire family joke about 'me and my waterworks' - combined with my dodgy knees, it makes for some very hilarious sudden trips to the loo ;-). They ask me if I need to borrow one of those motorised scooters in the supermarkets and I usually reply 'Yes please, so I can run you over!'

I also get asked if I need the loo before leaving the house or when we've been for coffee somewhere.

4allweknow Wed 27-Mar-19 10:30:55

When he was 6 my now 8 year old DGS seemed to take every opportunity to tell me "I was going to die you know". Apparently that's what happens when you are old. He even pointed out a cemetery as the place you go when you are dead. I was 70 then. He does seem to have outgrown the habit or perhaps the new face cream is working!

moorlikeit Wed 27-Mar-19 10:45:19

I am totally with you MawBroon. Who could possibly object to an act of kindness? How much worse when the fit and able take the priority seats without even a cursory look round to see if anyone is in greater need; that just speaks of selfishness.
I am 68 with silver hair and am often offered a seat on the tube or bus. Unless I'm getting off at the next stop, I always accept with a heartfelt "thank you, that's kind of you". I feel better about the world and they feel happy about their good deed for the day: everyone a winner!

Juliet27 Wed 27-Mar-19 10:46:29

framilode. Would be interesting to know what your husband's response was to the workman's comment!

Pastel Wed 27-Mar-19 11:04:48

What a hoot being offered a crutch - that will be something to laugh about in future years. I do so agree Maw about accepting with a smile when offered a seat. I have seen so many people on the Underground refuse and make the person who has offered feel uncomfortable. It is not surprising chivalry is dead (or dying) and sadly many women only have themselves to blame!

annodomini Wed 27-Mar-19 11:15:48

Silver hair and a walking stick usually elicit offers of a seat on a bus or train, not to mention help with my luggage. My parents brought me up to surrender my seat to someone who needed it more than I did so I would have done the same for an older (decrepit?) person when I was young and strong. Why should I reject an offer kindly meant?