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Troublesome children

(60 Posts)
Bellesgran Sun 07-Apr-19 21:11:54

Hi ladies, I am needing advice on how to deal with my twin 5yr old granddaughters because I had another child come to my house crying, claiming that the twins bullied her :/?

I have tried everything but nothing works plus, I don't believe in smacking either so, what can I do?

BlueBelle Sun 07-Apr-19 21:40:08

Well in what way are they supposed to have bullied her is it in their character. Kids can fib or extend on these stories are you sure the other child is telling the truth
Are you in charge of the twins?
Are they normally bullying?
You say you ve tried everything so does that imply they are normally naughty kids

Bellesgran Sun 07-Apr-19 21:50:33

Well, I saw bite marks on the girl plus she showed me bruises on her legs from where she had been kicked hard so, I am inclined to believe the little girl who is only aged 4 by the way.
Next, yes, the girls are liable to bullying, they have been given notes home on many occasions regarding bullying other children at their school.
And finally, yes, I'm in charge of the girls for now as their parents are on a training week from their job.

BlueBelle Sun 07-Apr-19 22:00:08

Oh well that second piece of information it looks as if they have definitely bullied the poor little girl and if they are bringing notes home many times from school then it sounds as if they have been behaving pretty badly for a while so what have the parents done about it up to now
If the parents are only away for a week then they must deal with it when they return or you must ring them and ask what they want you to do
Of course you can’t smack them but I wouldn’t let them out to play with other children until you hand them back Keep them with you so you can keep a close eye on them Do they fight each other or just gang up against another child
Do their parents iften go away, are they insecure ?

crazyH Sun 07-Apr-19 22:02:16

Even if you did believe in smacking ( I did ), you do not smack someone else's children i.e. your granddaughters. I have smacked my own children ( it was done those days), but when I was in charge of my grandchildren, I never ever smacked them, even though I knew my daughter would not have questioned my decision, if I did. Inform your granddaughter's parents and let them deal with it. Biting is a weapon used by very young children. I'm curious to know how they develop this tendency (to bite). My 3 year old grandson bit his nursery-mate and my son and daughterinlaw were called in .

Bellesgran Sun 07-Apr-19 22:07:04

BlueBelle, oh they fight with each other as well, trust me sad. Their parents don't often go away but they do work long hours so its me that looks after them the vast majority of the time. Their parents tell me that they favour grounding the girls but when I try that they just take major tantrums then throw things which gets me frustrated.

BlueBelle Sun 07-Apr-19 22:14:32

Personally I think the parents should be taking more action to resolve this and not leave it to you that’s unfair and too much to expect of you When are the parents back? no training or job is more important than sorting this out out If they are this much trouble at 5 what will they be like at 10
I would not let them out to play with other kids or someone will end up getting really hurt I m very surprised the four year olds parents weren’t on your doorstep

Bellesgran Sun 07-Apr-19 22:15:37

Its all because I asked them to zip their jackets before going out BlueBelle.

FlexibleFriend Sun 07-Apr-19 22:18:19

My kids wouldn't have been playing out at 5 without adult supervision.

moggie57 Sun 07-Apr-19 22:23:47

i would never smack my grandchildren..... i would get the children together and explain to them that it is not acceptable to hurt another child or anyone else.all children should be supervised no matter what age.there parents should get the school counsellor to get involved .maybe something is going on under the surface, but its the parents job not yours.

gransal Sun 07-Apr-19 22:41:11

bellesgran you posted a few days ago about zipping up kids jackets. You also pm'd me about it. Something strange if asking a child to zip up a jacket results in bullying.

BlueBelle Sun 07-Apr-19 22:46:06

Bellesgran what has you asking them to zip their jackets up got to do with them biting and kicking a smaller child after their went out

Bellesgran Sun 07-Apr-19 22:58:12

They were angry I asked them i presume BlueBelle shock?

gransal Sun 07-Apr-19 23:00:24

Sorry, something not quite right about this situation. Parents should be involved without delay.

gransal Sun 07-Apr-19 23:16:12

Someone posted earlier about bellesgran pm them. Someone said she was a long time poster but called her bellesnana. Is it the same person. Just seems odd.

Callistemon Sun 07-Apr-19 23:23:52

Was the 4 year old's mother with her when she came to your house with bite marks and bruises?
Are these tots allowed to just play out on the street unsupervised?

Mumsnetters could be very helpful to you.

Tuppnce Sun 07-Apr-19 23:38:45

Gransal no they are not the same person.

pinkquartz Sun 07-Apr-19 23:38:48

It does sound as if their behaviour could be a simple cry for more mum and dad time.
Kids want their parents to be there. If they feel ignored they may feel unloved and be jealous of other children who they believe have more parental attention

pinkquartz Sun 07-Apr-19 23:40:08

That they bully after being told to zip up by you also makes me think they are angry at missing their mum and dad.

quizqueen Sun 07-Apr-19 23:46:09

Why are children this young playing out without adult supervision? Keep them both indoors, and in separate rooms, with books and drawing materials only. Tell them when they can be trusted to play with others ( and with each other) sensibly then they can play out or in the same room, but they have to be watched. Any bad behaviour - just repeat, repeat but increase the time outs every time. Who's in charge here, them or you?

gransal Sun 07-Apr-19 23:56:56

The more I read this post the more I am confused. Why would a 4 yr old child come to someones door to say they have been bullied. Do they even know what the word means. Something strange going on. Or is it just me ?

jeanie99 Mon 08-Apr-19 00:19:28

This is something to sort out with their parents, clearly they are aware of the problem.
I would find them something to do some of the time inside, long walks also under supervision would be good.
Unless they are playing in an enclosed garden a 5 year old should not be out on their own.
I would be horrified if my grandson was out on is own.

FarNorth Mon 08-Apr-19 00:56:13

Are these tots allowed to just play out on the street unsupervised?

That's what I was wondering.

If you are not able to cope with their behaviour, their parents need to make other arrangements for child minding.

Elrel Mon 08-Apr-19 01:21:07

Isn't 'grounding' more a punishment for older children? Stopping them going out is appropriate for 10 and over when they go out with friends. How can you ground 5 year olds? As PP have said, they (and the bruised 4 year old) are very young to be going out alone.

Bellesgran Mon 08-Apr-19 01:30:22

They have been trusted to go out alone by their parents but I can see that it is not working with me.

Ps, their own house is a safe area where everyone looks out for each others kids so maybe we don't have that in our area.