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Having a bad day.

(140 Posts)
merlotgran Sat 13-Apr-19 12:11:09

I'm not able to focus on anything today, even light hearted threads on gransnet (I'm avoiding any sad ones). Yesterday we were told that chemo is no longer an option for DD's gall bladder cancer and she is now under the palliative care team as her liver is failing. I'm beginning to doubt she will ever come out of hospital even though hospice at home is being discussed. The sight of her lovely clear skin and big brown eyes so jaundiced makes me weep.

I managed to hold it together yesterday (almost) but today I'm a wreck. I can't bear to go in the garden because this time of the year is all about hope and planning. I can't bear the view across the fens - too many memories of the children growing up. I can't be bothered to cook, I can't focus on reading or watching telly.

I don't have to visit today because others are going so at least I'm spared the drive. The pain is almost unbearable but has to be endured Poor DH just doesn't know what to do with himself. We thought we'd try planting main crop potatoes but CBA.

I know I must expect this awful helplessness. Others go through it, we're no different but God, it's hard.

grannyqueenie Tue 16-Apr-19 22:25:47

Thinking of you Merlot, I hope you’re able to regain a bit of energy tomorrow. It must be exhausting supporting your family both practically and emotionally whilst trying to manage your own feelings at the same. Thinking of you and praying you’ll find the strength to cope with it all. x

MawBroonsback Tue 16-Apr-19 21:57:00

Dear Merlot sending my love, sympathies and prayers to you all. I remember all too well the hepatic itching when Paw’s liver was failing, old fashioned “full strength” Piriton gave some relief plus as much water as his system could cope with, but it was a dreadful memory.
Whether you are religious or not, this Easter will be a very special time for you all and I hope the love of the family will lift you up and bring you strength.

sodapop Tue 16-Apr-19 21:26:01

Yes I wish I could help too Merlot such a difficult and sad time for all your family.
Love and prayers to give you all strength to cope with this thanks

Galen Tue 16-Apr-19 21:15:51

Lots of love, sympathy and hugs.
Wish I could help

janeainsworth Tue 16-Apr-19 21:15:36

Merlot I’d just like to echo what Bathsheba said about the District nurses.
We nursed MiL at home and the District nurses gave us all the support we needed. Nothing was too much trouble for them, so don’t hesitate to ring them if you’re unsure about anything.
I’m sure your DD will appreciate being at home with you all and you will manage fine.
Thinking of you all xx

Bathsheba Tue 16-Apr-19 20:17:14

Oh Merlot I could cry for you all, it's so bloody unfair. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.

I do so hope your darling girl gets home for Easter and enjoys being with her family. Try not to be scared, I'm sure the district nurse network will be able to give you all the support you need. Just hug your girl as much as you can, drink her in. Sending you love and hugs, and wishing you strength as you go through this flowers

gillybob Tue 16-Apr-19 20:09:23

Just to say you and your DD are still in my thoughts Merlot . I can’t begin to imagine what heartbreak you must be going through. It really puts things into prospective and I feel quite ashamed being so wrapped up in my worries when your poor DD is so very poorly .
Having her home is absolutely the right thing to do if you are able to . Wishing you much strength and sunshine in the sadness xx

sharon103 Tue 16-Apr-19 20:07:50

Thinking of you all every day. Lots of love. xxxx

Day6 Tue 16-Apr-19 20:05:35

Oh Merlotgran, I am so, so sorry. I have just read your OP.

What devastating news and it's no wonder you feel as you do. What agony, for you and your family, and also for your dear daughter.

I know many of us know the utter pain of wearing a mask, trying to be supportive, positive, helpful but all the time just wanting to cry, and feeling so helpless and hurt. A terminal diagnosis means life stands still and what used to matter, doesn't matter any more.

My thoughts are with you Merlot and I do help sharing your feelings helps you to unload a little in a desperately sad situation.

Iam64 Tue 16-Apr-19 20:04:29

I'm away with intermittent wifi - just read this merlot and can do no more than send love to you and your family at this time x

Thorntrees Tue 16-Apr-19 20:00:01

Words seem inadequate but wanted to send you love and prayers. Do hope you find the strength to support your family in the coming days.x

kittylester Tue 16-Apr-19 19:56:07

No words, Merlot, just lots of love and gentle hugs. I just wish there was more.

Alygran Tue 16-Apr-19 19:52:59

Merlot nothing I can say can take away your pain but sending love to and prayers for your family. flowers

Gonegirl Tue 16-Apr-19 19:42:56

Oh those poor boys merlot. God bless them, and all of you. sad

annsixty Tue 16-Apr-19 19:38:58

Just very sincere thoughts for you all and prayers for your dear daughter.

ffinnochio Tue 16-Apr-19 19:37:39

Continuing to think of you and your daughter Merlot, and will continue to do so during the coming days. Having her home will truly be something to cherish. flowers.

Please take every opportunity to speak to the district nurse. She’ll have all your concerns covered.

TwiceAsNice Tue 16-Apr-19 19:36:36

Really sorry to hear this Merlot. I lost my son to cancer many years ago my heart bleeds for you it is so hard to see your child suffer . I understand a little of what you are going through but nobody truly understands except you. I send you my prayers and please feel free to pm me if you think it will help at all

Daisymay1 Tue 16-Apr-19 19:34:48

So sorry you are going through this Merlot . Thoughts and prayers are with you all

Kalu Tue 16-Apr-19 19:30:20

Even more in my thoughts for the coming weekend when your darling girl is hopefully home amongst her loving family. Hugs and love for you Merlot

Bellasnana Tue 16-Apr-19 19:12:24

Desperately sad news. Life can be so brutal. I can only add that you are in my thoughts and I hope your dear daughter can be made as comfortable and peaceful as possible.flowers

Doodle Tue 16-Apr-19 19:00:53

merlot nothing I can say really. I hope your DD gets home for the weekend. I hope your ex SIL is looking after your DGS well. It must be so hard for you all. All of you will be in my prayers flowers.

baubles Tue 16-Apr-19 18:53:26

merlot I can’t add anything to what’s been said but I’m thinking of you and your lovely girl this evening.

ClareAB Tue 16-Apr-19 18:50:00

I can't imagine anything sadder. My heart goes out to you.

HildaW Tue 16-Apr-19 18:49:20

Merlotgran, I too find it difficult to use words to express my feelings for you and your lovely family. I am so glad there is so much love surrounding your daughter and that you continue to find the strength to support her and her sons. I hope you too are being supported. It just reminds us all that the only thing that really matters is love, thank you and bless you.

KatyK Tue 16-Apr-19 18:15:44

So hard for you all.