Visiting son and family abroad

I agree with Flora what a missed opportunity by your son. They will learn English at school eventually and he could have given then the advantage my GC have. They are bilingual and were somewhere between 3 -4 when it dawned on them that their grandparents were too stupid to understand one of their languages. They have been endlessly patient with us!

I'm glad you are feeling better today, it is a long journey with a lot of emotions involved. I agree there are cultural differences, there are in different parts of the same country so even more in such a different culture.

I suggest you plan to visit some of Japan while you are there, it is one of the few countries which is totally different and there is so much to see. I could go on and on about the wonders of Japan!

I hope you are able to enjoy the rest of your stay. I agree with Floradora9 we have a mixed family and it is so much easier to learn a language from the start. I would encourage your son to speak English to them as much as possible. Could you have a bit of fun getting the GC to teach you words for things like cup, plate, TV etc and you could teach them the English word. Cultural differences can be difficult to handle, again our family has people from all over the UK and boy are there some cultural differences - we love it.

How sad thier dad did not speak English to them from the start. Our GC speak French and English and di so from when they were small . They can fit in perfectly in both countries. Perhaps your DS could start now to improve their English. DILs are difficult you just have to grin and bear it and if she does not want to spend time with you so be it . At least you do see them unlike so many other GPs.

Maybe you could do some nursery rhymes or 'finger rhymes' with the little ones. They might not understand the words but they would enjoy the rhythms and it would develop your relationship with them.

Thanks everyone. Sorry for the meltdown. I am feeling a bit more positive today. They did invite us and paid for the trip as it is easier than them travelling with three children. One of the problems is that I have to have British school holidays which doesn't coincide with their holidays. As DiL also works in a school this isn't easy. I think a lot of it may be down to cultural differences. My perception of married life being different to theirs. My DiL is lovely and perhaps she is just wanting to give us time with our son . I just worry that life is passing them by as they work so hard and that they are not happy. Anyway she has arranged a night away for us all at the weekend so hopefully we can all be together then. Thanks for listening and the advice. I will try and enjoy the rest of our time together.

Is the cherry blossom still out in Japan? If so, can you arrange an organised trip for a couple of days to see the cherry blossom which is supposed to be spectacular?
You could take photos, then share them with the family.

Try to make the most of your trip, your son may be worried about how he can entertain you when they are all so busy, so perhaps you will have to make some of your own arrangements.

'Could'

What a great opportunity for you to see your son and his family and see and experience this great country which is at the forefront of technology. I would go to Japan just to have a ride on the bullet-train.
Leaving facetiousness aside, you must start to enjoy your stay with your lovely grandchildren - language is no barrier to love.
But as someone else has said, it looks like your visit hasn't been planned very well. You should have visited during their holidays, so that you can all spend time together.
That being said, just make the best of your stay. Japan is a long way for you to visit often. Good luck !

One thing I missed here is that you don't state they invited you. It sounds as if YOU have hols right now, but THEY don't.

How were the arrangements made? Did you check if this is a good time to come?

Did you have a different image and expectations in your mind before you went?
How long is it since you have seen them?
How long are you staying?

Could you just have a chat about things with them?

So I think you should try to see the positives.

Your ds and dil are clearly hard working successful people? Happily married and you have the gift of grandchildren.

They invited you. So they want you there.

Maybe as the grandchildren get older they can come stay with you in Britain and think how exciting it will be for you planning places for them to visit?

My advice talk to your son. Ask him if there is any way you can help dil! Ask if she’s ok and can you help in any way with the kids.

Smile and count your blessings. They are a successful unit and that is in a way is down to you being a great mum

It is difficult for you, and I'm sorry that you're not enjoying your visit. But you've been invited and you are there, which is good.
I think some of the problem does come down to cultural differences - the long working hours for example. Maybe going to bed early when staying with you was because your DiL was finding the cultural difference difficult too. My Japanese penfriend lived with us for 6 months nearly 30 years ago and there were times when there were misunderstandings even though we got on very well (we'd been penfriends for nearly 20 years).
I agree that the language is difficult. I tried to learn it over the course of several years, but can't remember much.
Probably much of the problem is because you haven't had the chance to spend time together except in 'hot-house' conditions of all being under the same roof (we have the same problem as we live too far from DS' family for short visits).
I hope that, as they get bigger, your GC will be able to communicate better with you - and at least they know who you are and have spent some time with you.
Perhaps if you can find out the best way of showing your appreciation for your stay, Japanese-style, it will ease your relationship with your DiL. And say 'thank you' in Japanese if nothing else!