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Do you ever regret having children?

(147 Posts)
Kandinsky Wed 24-Apr-19 11:16:25

This subject comes up from time to time on Mumsnet ( even though it’s a taboo subject ) & the responses are overwhelming ‘no’ - although a few are very honest and say despite loving their children to bits, if they had their time again they wouldn’t have children.

I’m just interested in older women’s views, perhaps spurred on by the ‘estrangement’ threads & reading all the desperately sad stories of adult children causing much heartache.
I wonder if any of us, if we had our time again, would choose a different path?

Grannysmith Thu 25-Apr-19 18:01:08

My daughter has caused me much heartbreak & we have been estranged for some years. She has kept her 3 children from me. She is 41 tomorrow. In a word, I do regret having her. My son on the other hand has been a real joy.

Barmeyoldbat Thu 25-Apr-19 18:12:07

I speak to my son most days, love him to bits, and we share the same interests which helps. My daughter, I also love but due to circumstances she is flipping hard work, but still love her all the same and don't regret having them.

Lilyflower Thu 25-Apr-19 18:55:47

I have no regrets about having children. My family: DH, DS and DD are my life.

Having said that, they put me through the mill at times.

Jennyluck Thu 25-Apr-19 19:37:13

We had 3, 2 boys and a girl. I never regret having them. But regret not having s 4th, As was our plan. But a very painful 3rd birth put me off.
But I do hate that my 3 don’t get on, but that’s their choice not mine.
Would hate to have no children, oh and I have a grandson, lucky me.

LullyDully Thu 25-Apr-19 19:51:23

I don't regret having my two boys and now my wonderful four grandchildren.

There were times when they were teens I didn't like them much but have never regretted having them and always loved them.. They are so much nicer now they aren't teenagers determined to make so many of their mistakes for themselves.

Skye17 Thu 25-Apr-19 21:26:32

I have occasionally regretted having children when one of them has done something very hurtful. (One has Asperger’s and can be difficult.) But overall, no. Having kids was the second best thing I ever did. I wish I could have had 4.

Curlywhirly Thu 25-Apr-19 21:29:09

Wasn't partcularly maternal, but once I had my two, realised it was the best job I could ever have. Love them to bits, and would happily jump in front of a train for them (and my two grandchildren). Can't imagine life without them - what would be the focus of our lives now if we were childless - where our next holiday would be? Should we redecorate? Getting a new pet? Despite the worry and ups and downs children bring (and if I was childless, I would only have found sonething else to worry about) it has all been worth it. From someone who didn't particularly want children, I can honestly say, having them is the best thing that ever happened to me, bar none.

Nanniejc1 Thu 25-Apr-19 22:36:16

I have four children ,all grown up with children of their own ,we are all very close & I love spending time with all of them.To be honest my children/grandchildren are my life & I would never regret having them.I always tell them that ‘there is no manual for bringing up children’ ,we all do what we think is right & hope for the best.I am so proud of them all ,they have grown up into lovely,responsible & kind adults.

Saetana Thu 25-Apr-19 23:29:21

I decided when I was 14 that I never wanted children. I was quite open with the other half before we got married, he was pretty much "don't care if we have them and don't care if we don't have them". 30 years down the line and I have never regretted that decision for a moment, and my husband agrees with me.

Evie64 Thu 25-Apr-19 23:55:13

No, but I must say, there have been a few times when I've had to "pick up the pieces" and then too many times when I've had to dig deep to bail them out financially that I sometimes think, "I wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't had them? However, despite all that I do love them dearly.

Wildrose24 Fri 26-Apr-19 08:41:25

My three were a joy to bring up most of the time with some tricky moments and a few squabbles along the way.They have grown into hard working caring adults.One son is currently living with us with us for a few months.I have two lovely grandsons and consider myself lucky as they are quite local. Both my older son and my daughter have great partners I have never regretted having them and would do it all again.However I would not have worried so much about them reaching milestones, achieving at school etc as they all did whether I worried or not.I wish I had had the patience that I do now and I wish I had not worked so much when they were little it was through necessity not choice.My generation were told we could have it all.I always felt I was chasing my tail all the time.My husband and I both agree that the young people make things complete and we are much less selfish for having them.

Anniebach Fri 26-Apr-19 09:06:03

Never , ever regret having my two daughters, adore them, my elder daughter died 15 months ago, ache for her .

We wanted four children but two died at birth.

Grammaretto Fri 26-Apr-19 09:30:26

Anniebach I'm so sorry for your losses.
They come into the world in pain and change our lives forever. We never stop worrying about them do we.
That's the price we pay for love.

My DH is having treatment for cancer and his elderly parents are almost more concerned about him than I am!

newgran2019 Fri 26-Apr-19 10:05:50

I agree with Fennel. I have three children in their late 20s and love and am proud of them all, although I have to admit I didn't wholly enjoy the daily round of chores one has to do to look after small children. I miss having them around now they are all married, though. I wish I had done some things differently but they don't seem to bear any grudges! The only thing I might regret is the record weight of my twins, which damaged my back (I still suffer from that), but they are worth it.

Anniebach Fri 26-Apr-19 12:09:01

Yes Grammaretto it’s the price we pay for the most precious blessings in life.

blue25 Fri 26-Apr-19 12:47:30

If I had my time again, I would not have had any children. Disliked the drudgery of it all. I often found it incredibly boring and my career suffered hugely. My friends who are child free have fantastic lives, with no real worries.

Yogagran70 Fri 26-Apr-19 19:21:25

I had 3 children, at times I wish I had more, they are a huge part of my life as are my 4 granddaughters, the pleasure they have given me can not be measured, I loved looking after them all when they were young, and now I have great conversations with them now, my husband has no desire to go out or do anything, even can’t be bothered talking, so it’s even more important that I have them all, thank goodness for them all, and of course my Yoga and all the friends I have made from that

Yogagran70 Fri 26-Apr-19 19:24:58

Totally agree with you x

SisterAct Fri 26-Apr-19 20:40:08

No loved it and now grandchildren. I have 2 boys and always wanted a third (husband said 2). Had to have hysterectomy at 28. So pleased had the 2 I have.

MaudLillian Sat 27-Apr-19 18:00:16

For me, no, definitely not, I love my three sons and my little granddaughter. I would not change anything except my own attitude when they were growing up. If I had my time again, I would try to relax more and be a bit more fun than I was. I got too cross sometimes when I was tired - that is all I regret. I do worry, though, about the state of the planet and what sort of world my dgd will inherit as an adult after I'm gone.

showergelfresh Sun 28-Apr-19 21:59:26

Some days yes
Some days no
They are a mixed blessing for sure.