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Mental health

(50 Posts)
Blueteddybambi Mon 13-May-19 15:44:29

My husband tried to commit suicide seven weeks ago completely out of the blue, he is in his 60’s and has failing eye sight and decided he couldn’t cope with it any longer. My world has been turned upside down . He is in a psychiatric ward locally now and is doing well and could be home within weeks. I am terrified of him coming home as I feel I will have to watch his every move and will never trust him again. I can’t find anywhere to get any support, or to talk to someone in confidence about my fears. I have to say everything in front of him on the ward as they don’t seem to allow me to talk to them without him being there which is so difficult out. I just wonder if anyone has been in a similar situation and can give me any advice of any kind. Thank you so much

janeainsworth Mon 13-May-19 15:56:52

I haven’t been in your situation blueteddy but I can very well understand your anxiety about him coming home.
My advice would be to try the Samaritans. I’m sure they would help you flowers

Nonnie Mon 13-May-19 15:57:56

Sorry no advice as I haven't been in this situation. Oh, perhaps you could talk to his consultant?

If you feel you are depressed because of this have a look on the Black Dog thread, plenty of support there.

Anniebach Mon 13-May-19 16:01:10

Support after your husband has been discharged will be arranged , you can speak to his support worker,

MIND will always listen , do contact them,

Roddi3363 Tue 14-May-19 10:13:15

Try to talk to a mental health nurse. They should be following up with visits to your home. They can be an excellent support.

fluttERBY123 Tue 14-May-19 10:13:38

Is there a PALS group at the hospital? They should know how to get round the not being able to talk privately to staff. If there isn't one there there should be a local hospital that does have one.

fluttERBY123 Tue 14-May-19 10:14:50

www.nhs.uk/common-health.../what-is-pals-patient-advice-and-liaison-service/

Flossieturner Tue 14-May-19 10:21:35

I am so sorry you are going through this.Samaritans number is 116 123. I found them really helpful Please speak to your own GP to get help for yourself too.

Stella14 Tue 14-May-19 10:26:21

When he is due to be discharged, a Care Plan will be developed. It will include you. You will be labelled his ‘carer’. That can just mean the loved one closest to the patient. It entitles you to support and advice for all of your worries. You will have a contact number for his allocated Psychiatric Nurse (CPN), if you feel his mood is dropping or want advice or for him to be visited for any reason. You will also be given contact details for the Crisis Team who are available 24/7. It doesn’t have to be a full on crisis, you can also ring them for advice. It is extremely rare for someone to attempt to kill themselves without being depressed (when it does happen, it’s usually in a case of someone going toward a terrible end and want to die in their own time). Therefore, it is almost certain that your husband was suffering profound clinical depression at the time of the attempt on his life. He will not be discharged from hospital until his mood is lifted and stable and he will remain on a modern antidepressant medication. They are very effective. I think and hope you will both be fine. 💐💐

Halsgran2 Tue 14-May-19 10:28:01

I havent been in your situation but I have worked for Consultant Psychiatrists and the suggested approach is to phone the consultants medical secretary (I used to be one so I know they will speak to the consultant) so this will get you to see whoever is in charge of his referral to support when he is discharged. As others have said if it is considered he is at risk he will have a CPN allocated to him (Community Psychiatric Nurse) they usually have had many years of nursing experience BEFORE joining the CPN service so they WILL want you to be involved in his ongoing care. Hope this helps.

ValCl Tue 14-May-19 10:28:53

I would also say call the Samaritans. I did volunteer for them for a number of years and they are always there to listen and support you, without judgement.
They may also be able to give you some suggestions as to other local organizations that maybe able to support you.
This is a very difficult time for you but remember you are not alone, so please do reach out to people on here, the Samaritans and any other sources you can find.
I do wish you luck and please come back to me if I can do anything to help.

Craftycat Tue 14-May-19 10:29:03

I have had a lot of experience of mental health issues with my own DH. Not suicide though so no help on that score.
I hope you will find- as I did - that there is a lot of support for YOU in all this. Although we were with different surgeries I had support from my husband's GP as well as my own. I also had a 24 hour contact number for a mental health support worker too- luckily I never had to use it.
Please talk to as many people as you can about your concerns. It is so important for YOU to have support & friends you can talk to & take you out of yourself at times,
It is no stigma in having mental health issues - it is a disease like anything else & anyone can get it.
You wold be amazed at how many people you know have either suffered this or had a loved one who has. They just haven't talked about it & talk is what you need to do now.
I can only send you & your husband my very best wishes & let you know you are NOT alone.

Merry16 Tue 14-May-19 10:30:40

Get in touch with the Mind helpline - 0300 123 3393. They can offer help and support.
Also, CALM, the Campaign Against Living Miserably - 0800 58 58 58
Both these organisations will be able to help you. It’s really important you get the right help and advice. Good luck

Dillyduck Tue 14-May-19 10:34:41

INSIST that you can talk in private to someone. If necessary make a formal complaint to the Chief Executive of the hospital.

Buckie Tue 14-May-19 10:39:18

Hi BlueTeddy, I’ve not been in the situation as u have with ur husband, but did with my daughter who did pass away in that way, leaving a son of 10. U should get support from the hospital once they allow him home he will continue to see the same consultants etc. Ask the staff on the ward if they will make u an appointment to see his consultant on ur own then u will be able to put all your worries and fears to him even ask if they think he’s likely to attempt it again, it may have scared him what he almost done and won’t try again. If they can’t or won’t make u an appointment with the consultant ask to see the matron most hospitals have 1/2 that looked after the whole hospital wards they r usually very good , don’t let the nurses fob u off by saying u can’t see him u need to talk to him for ur own peace of mind if not ur going to make ur self I’ll.
Mind r very good and understanding and when he’s home they should give u the phone numbers of the Mental Health crisis team that ur able to ring 24/7 if u need them at anytime if they don’t give it to u please ask for it it might even be up on one of the walls in the ward. Ur GP should be there to help as well.
I hope this may have helped a bit knowing that their r people out there for u, but ask about that appointment with the consultant when u next go to see ur husband u may have to wait a day or two but that will be ok.
Hope I’ve not upset u over anything I’ve said that was not my intention I just wanted u to no people r there for u. I hope it all gets sorted out for u but u make sure u look after urself cause u r as important as he is u no.
Sending u love and hugs..God Bless.xxxxxxxxxx

granbabies123 Tue 14-May-19 10:39:57

Can you not go to desk on ward before he sees you arrive and speak to them. I had to do this when father in hospital. You need private time to say and ask about all your worries without him listening. Thinking of you.

Mistymorningstar Tue 14-May-19 10:49:15

Problem with Samaratins is - they are only aloud to listen, not to comment, and you need to talk to someone who will actually give you advice.

GabriellaG54 Tue 14-May-19 10:53:54

janeainsworth
Samaritans cannot give advice. They are a listening ear.
I suggest the OP contacts her GP and social services.
If she arrived home at any time in the future and he had carried out his previous wish, then it would have a truly devastating effect on her. I cannot imagine how frightened and anxious she must feel.

Jaycee5 Tue 14-May-19 11:03:23

This seems to me to be a three part problem.
Firstly, his problems with dealing with his sight loss and secondly his mental health problems and thirdly how you deal with living with someone who is suicidal.
I would look first at what help he has had with the sight loss. The organisation 'Fight for Sight' has a good website that lists a number of support organisations that you could try. These include support groups, telephone advice lines etc. www.fightforsight.org.uk/coping-with-sight-loss/
Secondly, his mental health. Others have given advice about the ability to talk about this out of his hearing. This is a frequent problem with the idea that confidentiality over-rides everything else approach. There is also a problem with the patient or vulnerable person having to be the person who asks for help even if their condition means that they won't. I can't add anything to the links and advice that others have given above.
The third is how you will cope with him coming home. Do you have anyone that you can lean on? If you have adult children I would seriously consider including them even if you may want to protect them from the situation. Then you hopefully would not be the person who would have to watch him continually. Taking breaks is very important for your own well being. Again, find support of the kind that you want. If you google 'Living with someone suicidal' a number of sites come up and there are some good books on the subject.
I would start with the sight problems though as that is the basis of his depression which is very understandable. I am blind in my right eye and I have always lived with the idea that I have twice as much likelihood of losing my sight as anyone else but it doesn't seem to work that way and so far I am ok but I have had to think about how I would cope. People have to wait a long time nowadays to get the help that they need.

Yaya79 Tue 14-May-19 11:05:41

Hello BlueTeddy, my husband was in hospital for 11 weeks last summer.He had severe psychotic depression and completely shut down ,not eating or drinking for 2 weeks and could not speak. This happened out of the blue.After treatment and ongoing medication he was allowed home but had regular visits from comunity mental nurses for several months and I was given their number to ring at any time I was worried.My daughter and I were welcomed to sit in on regular psychiatrists updates while he was in and were involved in trying to find out the reason for his illness. I am having to take anti -depressants myself as the whole scenario was so stressful. I have to watch for any change in him .Though he seems cured he does not seem like quite the same person he used to be.
Please look after yourself and talk to your gp .Life may not be as it used to be but at least he is still with you x

MadeInYorkshire Tue 14-May-19 11:06:58

Oh how awful, I have had this now 9 times with my daughter over the past 12 months and still cannot get any help from the NHS MH teams, how did you manage to get him into hospital? She hasn't even had any contact from them, but they have told our GP that they have spoken to her and she is fine??? I think she is going to put in a complaint.

If you are getting help then yes you should have a Care Plan and discharge will be included within that - good luck x

GabriellaG54 Tue 14-May-19 11:10:39

Blueteddybambi
Hi,
Samaritans do not give advice. They are there as a 'sounding board' - to listen. I am a Samaritan.
Your GP, Social Services and Mental Health charities are best placed to help and advise.
I'm sure that a care plan will be put in place before your DH leaves hospital but, for your own peace of mind, you must be comfortable with the package they propose.
Meantime, ring MIND and speak to the doctors and consultant in charge of the case.
You need reassurance that procedures are in place should another episode occur. Write a list of all relevant phone numbers and keep by your phone.
My best wishes to you. flowers

sunnydayindorset Tue 14-May-19 11:27:00

The MIND Helpline is very good. My son had real problems with another person's welfare in a shared house as it was impacted on the others. They were really helpful and gave him some great advice.

Angeleyes58xx Tue 14-May-19 11:27:47

Blueteddybambi,
I have been in your situation, have you tried MIND for people with mental illness.
If you want someone to talk too you can private message me on here, I’m a 61 year old lady, and a good listener.
Sending you much love 💕 n 🤗 hugs.❤️🤗xx

Blinko Tue 14-May-19 12:01:04

Blueteddybambi I can't add anything to the good advice on here already. Sending you best wishes for a happier outcome flowers