Humour Again

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively
"I would like it infrequently" she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment ...
adjusted his glasses, and leaned over towards her and whispered
'Excuse me, but is that one word or two?'

Husband sitting in armchair shouts to wife "when I die I am going to leave everything to you love" wife shouts back "you already do you lazy bastard"

Mick , Paddy and the blonde
Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing, Paddy replied,
'We're supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole, don't have a ladder.'
The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a
few bolts and laid the flagpole down.
She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements,
and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches.
Then, she walked off.
Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde! We need the height
and she gives us the bloody length.’

A sceptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal Brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation.
When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the Brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."

Little Jake and his family are having Sunday lunch at grandma's. As soon as she has dished up plates of roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, roast potatoes, roast parsnips, carrots, peas and gravy, Jake seizes his knife and fork and starts to tuck in.
His shocked mother says, "Jake, what do you think you are doing? We always say grace before starting to eat when we're at home. We should do the same here."
Jake replies, "Oh yes, we always pray before eating at home, but we're at grandma's now – and she knows how to cook."

Rufus2 Greatnan died in 2013 when out walking after an accident on a mountainside in France where she lived. It was some time before her body was found and many Gransnetters in the UK and mainland Europe tried their best to help the authorities find her in the hope that she was only injured and still alive.

She was truly a formidable figure on Gransnet with a sharp intellect, profound perception, an infectious sense of humour, a warm personality and no time for fools and bigots. She became closer friends with some Gransnetters who had the joy of visiting her home in France.

She and I both had daughters and their families living in New Zealand – and we often messaged each other about our plans. I immigrated to New Zealand shortly before she died and she planned to immigrate here a little later. We both intended to live in the same small town in the north of the South Island and were hugely looking forward to spending time together as we had established a real rapport and affection for each other. I was devastated when I learned of her death and still miss her pertinent, perceptive, wise – and, indeed, humorous – posts.

How delightful that you are appreciating this special members posts even now.

Rufus2 By the way, I have just read though your re-posts and, with tears in my eyes, I have also just laughed. Thank you for reminding me of my friend.

Yes Greatnans jokes were good. What a long time ago.
I dont know who Rufus2 is but its good to know the jokes are still about. Someone must have a note book.

Greatnan was before my time on GN but thank you Rufus.
I have laughed out loud this morning and it’s only 8.11am

Greatnan was my friend and I still miss her sorely. She didn't suffer fools gladly and I often ask myself what she would think about the current state of our country!

I remember the search for the poor lady , that was when I got onto this forum , I am still here and still on the other forum that also helped message about her

I remember Greatnan and her wonderful sense of humor and wit. She is sadly missed.

I didn't have the privilege of knowing Greatnan....only joined GN last year

I remember Greatnan. She was a wonderful contributor to GN.

I didn't know GreatNan but have heard a great deal about her and she sounded a wonderful person.

The blonde and the flagpole joke is one that my DH told me and I related it not long ago on a thread of yours, I think, Rufus - how lovely to know that it was one of GreatNan's favourites too!

Thank you for the

besottedgran Tue 07-Aug-12 19:31:08

On his 69th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he would be getting.
The old medicine man slowly, methodically produced a potion, said some words in his native language and handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3'."
"When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?
The medicine man replied, "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4.' But when she does the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife became very excited and began throwing off her clothes. And then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that folks is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because you could end up with a dangling participle!

!

I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad.'
I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it.

I dont know who Rufus2 is but its good to know the jokes are still about. Someone must have a note book.
Resurgam; Hi! I'm in OZ, not that there's anything wrong with that but since I came across Greatnan's thread I've been cherry-picking a fraction of the jokes that appeal to me and "copy/paste" to this thread There are other contributors in the thread too, and I hope to print off some in case it disappears. Do yourself a favour and have a look at her thread; but allow lots of time, it's addictive!

My jokes were nothing like good enough for gn's thread but I always enjoyed reading it.

Never mind the state of the Country, what would she make of the occasional state of gransnet!

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex.' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.' He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.

A man is in the grocery store when a pretty woman smiles at him and says hello. He's rather aback and can't place her.
"Do I know you?" he asks".
"I think you're the father of one of my kids," she says.
He racks his brain to think of how that could be. Then he remembers the only time he has been unfaithful to his wife.
"Wow," he sats. "Are you the stripper from my bachelor party, who tied me down on the pool table, and did it with me, with all my buddies cheering, while your friend sprayed whipped cream on my butt? Boy, that was insane.:
"No," she says. "I think I'm your son's maths teacher

Never mind the state of the Country, what would she make of the occasional state of gransnet!
Kitty; I can only guess where you are coming from, but I'd say, in a word, no, make that two, "disillusioned" and "disappointed".

Have shared the infrequently one.
It has been well received ?