Do you ever wonder why people’s lives are so different?

Paddy saying "People go to church to book a place in a"heaven" is completely unfair. You cannot lump all churchgoers into a group like that, completely unfair on those who go because they believe. If you'd said 'some' I would understand it.

I agree with varian that we mainly get back what we put in but also that life is far from fair. In many ways DH and I are far better off than our parents and achieving that has been very hard for many reasons. However, we have had much more bad stuff to deal with than they had. I think that how you deal with the tough times is under your control.

My oldest friend who I was at school with has had a very different life to me despite coming from a similar background. A friend who I met when we started our first job has had life very differently to me too. We are still friends despite having very different lives now.

I think I read somewhere that psychologists had tried to study why some people feel they are lucky in life i.e. things have gone well for them. On closer study they decided it had much more to do with people's perceptions. People who felt they had been lucky in life i.e. things had turned out well, had not really had any more advantages than so called unlucky people. It was their perceptions that differed. If you feel you are lucky in life....then that's how you perceive things...definitely a 'glass half full' attitude helps.
Also I do feel that if one blames others for their problems all the time rather than taking responsibility for some or all of their decisions they will fare better. Blaming someone else when its really more to do with your life choices can be detrimental. A bit like when certain people are caught speeding or on their phone in the car.....they blame the police for 'catching them'....when in fact they were doing the illegal deed. So it was not 'bad luck' that they were fined....it was their choice.

KatyK
I too have friend who's never said why me when he has plenty of reason to.
His 3 year old son drowned.
The mother of that child died at 38 leaving him with a 4 & 12 year old.
His second wife died at 59.
He is still one of the most up beat people you could wish to meet.

I have had a life blighted by one thing after another and without going into detail I always wonder why. As others have said, "Why not me?" I know of others who seem to fall into a bed of manure but come up smelling of roses. For me, there is always another cess pit nearby biding its time until I come along...

However, although life has been a series of trials I am grateful that I have been strong enough to endure them and that my parents, who had very little, valued books and education, which has been a saving grace. I feel for my children although I am very proud of them. Like me they have had no handouts and money along the way but they have worked hard and done well for themselves. They have watched as their friends from wealthier backgrounds were given driving lessons, cars, and a deposit for their own homes.

Life is the luck of the draw. I was brought up to consider myself fortunate if I had my health and strength. I haven't got good health but I get by, and I have my mobility. Most of all I think the ability to be grateful for the good bits, and there are many, make my life, blighted though it's been, a good one.

I know people who seem to have lived charmed lives but comparison is odious. We get what we are given and we have to make the most of it. There are always others much worse off.

The swedish billionaire who lost 3 of his 4 children in a recent atrocity had every advantage, as did his children.
All gone now.
I know two families very well who have never had anything go amiss with their or their families lives.
All clever high achieving C and now GC.
Mine hasnt been quite so straightforward, the luck of the draw I say.
Actually one of the wmen is insufferable about her family always holding them up to be admired.
The other one isn't, guess which one I see and socialize with.
The one has few friends , the other has.

That's awful petra My brother has picked himself up and got on with his life. He is upbeat too. I have no idea how.

Life is unfair but we have to make the best of things. Also, optimists don't dwell on the bad bits or take them too seriously - whereas a worrier may take things to heart and feel that they've been unlucky.
It's not necessarily what you've got but what you do with it that counts. Euphemism unintended!

My husband and I were talking about this a few weeks ago and saying that we had been lucky in our lives and with our family that there had been no major tragedies or health issues.

How things change. I am now waiting for a cancer diagnosis for my daughter. Nobody gets away scot free, but it seems so unfair that some people suffer so much.

Surely we make our own luck in life regardless of our background ?

Yes some are undoubtedly helped by having grown up in an affluent household and having been privately educated, say, but ultimately it is up to each and every one of us to improve our 'lot in life' if we wish.

Today there are so many opportunities to gain qualifications even later on in life if we are not happy with our jobs.

The trouble is, too many would prefer to live their lives embittered by jealousy and resentment of other folk who through their own efforts, lead comfortable lives.

Well, I think that proves my point☹️

I completely agree that you have to get on and deal with whatever comes your way

Monica’s story about her sister, is one of those horrible ‘what if’ situations, that would drive you mad if you thought about it too much, so much of life is chance, and maybe those people, whose lives look so perfect from the outside, aren’t!

I still think though, that for some reason, some families, have more than their share of tragedy

I don't think it is the case that you get back what you put in.
I have a friend who does seem to have a charmed life.
Nothing terrible has ever happened to her and she has had a trust fund all her life. She is very healthy and has a active fulfilling life.

But she hasn't made it happen. Her life was engineered this way by having a wealthy family.
She has no idea of what it is like to do a normal job. She has never had a boss or had to commute.

I think life is random and people most definitely do not to get what they deserve.......it is just random

I imagine all of us know folk who are a lot worse off than we are, who have suffered illnesses, bereavement and various misfortunes. I don't think you have to be religious to count your blessings. If you do you will be less likely to be seen as a grumpy complainer.

I agree with Anniebach and Jennifer Eccles. Everyone has experienced some sadness/tragedy in their life - we all have a page which we don’t read out loud. It is not about what happens to us in life but how we deal with it!

We can only make our own luck to a certain extent. Circumstances can sometimes prevent us from 'getting on'. If you are constantly made to feel that you don't matter a child, it can stay with you for life. Some are able to rise above it, some aren't. I don't believe my nephew who died at 16 made his own luck.

I agree with you KatyK . Actually the term “make your own luck” is really silly isn’t it? As you say it’s as though your poor nephew who sadly died at only 16 didn’t try hard enough.

I think you can only really “make luck” using the hand you have been dealt . Which for some ( not me) is pretty rubbish.

I think, at our age, most of us have had some ‘bad luck’. Our clip round the ear was financial. Lost £100k at the time of the recession.

Yet, when I look on here and hear about such sad tales of life, regarding health issues, death of dear ones and families who are estranged, I feel truly blessed.
x

Yes gilly it is a silly term. There are people who go through great adversity, terrible childhoods etc and go on to great things which is fantastic. Unfortunately not everyone is equipped to do so. My hand has been rubbish too and every day is a struggle. Still we are still here so maybe we're doing OK

But you have to wonder why, don’t you gillybob, is it just fate? Are we powerless to change things? Surely, we’re all given choices, all through our lives, and we may or may not take the right one. Trouble is, you don’t know till it’s too late.

I think also, personality plays a big part, some people will see a disaster, others will see a challenge.

I do think that some people have more than their fair share of trouble, and others seem untouched by it, why? I don’t suppose we will ever know for sure

I dare say that’s why religion is seductive.

Shit life here? Never mind.
There’s always the ‘afterlife’.

And why not, for believers?

We are all only here for a visit.
And some visits are beyond tragic.

It must be nice to believe better (even Stephens) when we die.

I think Catholics regard this life as a ‘vale of tears’.

I am guilty of saying “in my next life I will xxXxx” ( usually holidays , visits, nice things) it drives DH nuts , but without sounding sorry for myself ( I’m not) those things are sure as hell not going to happen in this one .

I can never understand why some people say that 'So and so didn't 'deserve' it', whether that be bad luck, being robbed, dying or being diagnosed with a terminal illness.
Who actually would deserve any of those events?

I always said it was a kind of fate that I met my DH . I was twice married, (once divorced, once widowed) with 2 small children . There’s an 11 year age gap . We had nothing in common whatsoever . There were so many things stacked against us that we really should never have met at all . Fate? Coincidence ? I’m not sure .

Glammy57
Very well put. ??

Yes Glammy
??

You nailed it.