News update on Family Group Meeting

Nightowl Thankyou that is Very interesting

It does seem though that Children’s Services can’t win. How many threads have we had where grandparents feel they have been left out of all discussions involving professionals and then found themselves fighting the system to gain either contact or even care of their grandchildren? The law dictates that where the authorities have concerns about children their first duty is to organise a Family Group Conference (or meeting) to consider all the options and available support. Far from the local authority trying to avoid it’s responsibilities this measure was put in place as a positive attempt to make sure that family members were not overlooked, as they have been in the past. It seems that the social worker in this case has acted in accordance with the law and the spirit of the law, to ensure that everyone with an interest has been given a chance to contribute.

It’s a shame you felt under pressure Hildagard and you should not be expected to do any more than your health or your circumstances permit. However, please be careful that you don’t ‘write yourself out of the story’, so to speak. I’m sure we are all aware that grandparents have no rights in law, and if the situation deteriorates there is a chance that you will not be consulted in the future and decisions will be made without your input or knowledge. It would be very sad if you found yourself losing all contact with your grandchildren through a lack of understanding of the local authority’s plans and responsibilities.

Hilda,a familiar scenario. DM me . I have a friend who went through something similar and came out the other end.

He does nothing but play on x box and eat, resulting in weight gain. We have decided to ring school and get them to refer him for assessment because as you say SS are over stretched, but, I agree useless

I agree about SS trying to make relatives pick up their role. I don't mean to be unkind, there are just no rescources. Two years ago my mother had a fall. We managed to " get a social worker" and some , limited help.
Fast forward 2 years father needs help....there is nothing, absolutely nothing. People don't know this until it hits them.

I'm wondering with your GS Hilda, of course you must be worried....is there anything going well? Does he enjoy sport, would he like Scouts? What is it your daughter wants? Is she depressed?

I am very cynical about SS, to be fair to them they are over stretched and under funded, but I feel only too often their main aim is to pass all responsibility to any passing relative so they can get that child and that family off their books.

My nephew is autistic and learning-disabled and my sister has recounted to me some of the run ins she has had with Social Services as they have tried to convince themselves his needs are much less than they are, in order to reduce costs and involvement.

Thanks Cornergran and Nandalot we are investigating getting him counselling, he used to be such a happy little boy

A friend’s DGS is having counselling sessions arranged through school. They are paying for it privately ( but it is a reasonable cost) as other wise they would have had to wait weeks. It has been very beneficial . Is there any such facility in your area?

I’m so sorry you are under such pressure hildagard, also more than sorry for the children and yes also sorry for your daughter who is unable to cope. No, you shouldn’t be pressurised into offering regular care, no one should. If your own health suffers there’s a risk you won’t be able to help at all. If I’ve understood correctly your daughter has regular support with her daughter and her son is at school. You offer ad hoc support. It does sound as if there is time when she has no children to directly care for but for whatever reason she isn’t coping.

I think iam has summed up the likely situation well. A CAMHS referral can also be made by a GP, or could when I was working. The little lad needs professional help, potentially for a minimal period, to avoid future difficulty. How do you see your grandsons mental health? What do you notice? Is he different when he is with you? It will be understood that sometimes ‘naughty’ behaviour is an indicator of distress rather than a discipline issue.

You must be oh so worried. While doing what you can for your grandchildren please be clear about your limitations to the professionals. It helps no one if you are written into a care plan in an unsustainable way. Keep talking to us if it helps, you need an outlet too,

Loopy loo the father of her daughter helps tremendously, having her during the week and every Saturday.

So this is a single mum with 2 children who works 3 hours a day. When does she have time for herself? I expect the spare time is used catching up on chores. Also she has no one to share the responsibility of the children and just chat to in the evening. I think looking after the children one evening a week so she could go to Yoga or something like that would be a great help. Should think she has very low self esteem and knows DM is very critical of her.
Not easy.

Try a proper letter. Write it all out, leave it over night. Read it again in the morning and if you feel it realistically reflects how you feel and it says what you want to say...then put it in the post.
Unfortunately in the present political climate if professionals feel they can pass the job back to family members they will. Its the same with elderly care....if the family take up the slack then they can move on. If you feel you cannot cope, do not be bullied into doing more than you can. Good luck.

Long hand !

Jane, don’t worry I have written in love no hand which helped to calm me, a bit?

Hilda.don’t send anything in haste.
A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself how you would feel, or how it would sound, if read out in a court of law.
That’s not meant to frighten you, it’s just a good standard to apply to any written communication.
Even posts on Gransnet!

She shouts me down when we try to talk, not a good relationship really.

is text the way, I wonder?

I have just composed a long text to DD saying how we feel, will I have the courage to send it, I don’t know.

Yesjanea, that could be said about a lot of things....are there more of them or are we just better at spotting the signs?

It's strange isn't it? God when I think back to my Primary school , it would be termed abusive by today's standards.

Hilda, stating the obvious, put absolutely everything in writing.

Thanks janeainsworth and apologies for sounds so doomed. I did hear this week that Theresa May had made money available for this. Good for her.

Hildagard, I hope you can persuade school or social worker to make that referral. Your original post suggested they were rationing referrals in the face of limited resources. Let's hope you get somewhere

I have just researched re Child and Adolescents Mental Health and it says that a referral can be requested by school or SS why have they not done this, I really feel now that they have these meetings and then think it will all be resolved . Feeling even more frustrated

I think children have always suffered anxiety elvive though perhaps for different reasons in the past. It just wasn’t talked about.
I think it’s good that it’s recognised and that they have at least some access to support.

What a sad state of affairs. Little children with anxiety.

Iam I don’t want to sound as though I support the government or anything but actually some investment has been made in Child & adolescent mental health services. It’s not all bad.
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/12/03/army-therapists-sent-schools-tackle-anxiety-epidemic/amp/
My DD has trained as a PWP & she deals with far more than anxiety among school children. She works for the NHS but is based in a school.
That’s why I thought Hildagard might be able to get a referral but I do know that not all areas provide the service.

Its so hard for grandparents when their adult children are unable or unwilling to provide what is called 'good enough' care for their own children.
A child in need meeting is to focus on identifying the needs of the children and how best they can be met. The fact this has happened suggests significant concerns exist and its hoped that by supporting the children whilst they stay with their mother, it won't escalate to child safeguarding or statutory care proceedings.
The sad reality is that support services like family aids, family centres are pretty much non existent because of the austerity agenda. The same goes for what used to be called educational psychological support. Nigh on impossible to get an ed psych assessment.
Child and Adolescent Mental Health services are also slashed to the bone. If the children have a social workers, it isn't unusual for mental health services to try to avoid involvement, by saying it's social problems rather than mental health. We all know that's daft. That ' social problems' cause mental health problems.

If you feel unable to help, it would be better to say so. My worry isn't that they'll write you into the Child in Need Plan, more that they'll write you out. The worries may escalate and if the children need to be removed from their mother, your lack of support during the build up to that may be seen negatively. I'm sorry to be so negative