Incompatible friends

Goodness Sara65, I’m with you there. 8.:30 to 9pm and I’m gone, mainly due to medication. I think meeting in the middle would be an excellent idea to keep you both happier. Maybe stay up to 11pm or slightly later if you can, she will have gone home before you know it.

You could prepare her by advising her to bring a good book!

Just say that you need your beauty sleep and go to bed, thanking her for a lovely day! Better than losing a friendship.

tell her .!! that you go to bed at a certain time.if she wants to stay up thats her decision.get ear plugs and eye cover and go to sleep. dont do as she does ,be yourself...

Let her keep her hours and you keep yours. As long as neither of you disturbs the other.

Can’t see how it’s a problem - you go to bed when you want to and tell her to make herself at home.

How long will she be staying, I could cope for a couple of nights but weeks.....no.

I would be completely flattened by a 3 am bedtime - why not just say that you need to go to bed early and do it? I'm sure if your friend is a friend she wouldn't think twice about it - if she turns nasty then she isn't a friend; she can read, watch TV, amuse herself without the need for you to be there with her, so I wouldn't worry about it. We had guests once who were still talking at past two; I was almost unconscious and my contact lenses were stinging, so I went to bed, leaving OH to talk to them. he can manage on little sleep - I can't.

Both go to bed and get up at your usual times (make sure she has something to occupy her while you are in bed, and tell her where the things are in case she needs a late night snack) then get together in the middle, when you're both awake.

What's the big deal? My friend has just left after about 2 weeks stay with me. I spent the whole day driving her around, sight seeing. So by the end of each day I was shattered, so was she I guess. By 10pm, we would both go up to our bedrooms and did our own thing. Playing on our iPads, phoning friends and generally, giving each other some space. It suited us fine and I think she enjoyed her stay and vice versa.

I have this all the time with visitors in Spain.
So I frame it up at the beginning of any stay and say I’m an early to bed person so please don’t take offence if I excuse myself earlier than you. You’re welcome to watch TV or listen to music.... or just relax. I’m a xx hour a night sleep otherwise I’m hell !!

Friendship to me is being open and honest with one another, bearing in mind not to inflict my views on them

so I would explain how I live and expect them to co-operate, if not, surely not a good visit! and not to be had

I'm very much in the 'do your own thing' bracket. If these are friends being accommodated then I see no problem whatsoever. It's always worked in my life so far and, as others have said, they keep coming back (thank goodness).

dragonfly46 that reminded me of my Dad who used to get up and put the milk bottles out ready for the milk delivery next day. That was a signal that it was time for bed/or to go home for visitors!

I’m always later to bed than my partner and others who may visit, or who I might visit (usually after 12.30am). I never have a problem as I’m happy to stay up on my own and watch TV or read and then I’ll creep up to bed quietly.

Go to bed at a reasonable hour. Maybe extend your ‘normal’ time by half an hour max. No point in missing out on your next day and feeling the worse for wear.
Try it. You’ll feel good!

My parents had underfloor heating and when my dad wanted guests to go he would bring in his pyjamas and put them on the floor to warm!

watermeadow, I'm sure your friend isn't anything like the late Princess Margaret who made everyone in her company sit up with her into the next day, that would be just too imperious I'm sure your friend will understand, as indeed most of us do, that not everyone is on the same time frame and some people just cannot stay awake into the small hours we don't all have the same physical constitution for various reasons.

We've sometimes gone to bed before guests, they keep coming back so clearly not a problem, it isn't rude imo you just pose it diplomatically and I'm sure she'll understand. From your original post it's seems she's the one that's asked if she could stay with you not the other way round, so really I wouldn't worry stick to your routine.

Love that story Maw - nothing like being direct eh?!

You could say (in a smiley way) that 'Since you were last here I've somewhat changed my habits and now prefer to go to bed at 10pm and get up early as I feel crotchety and out of sorts going to bed later'.
Say that she's very welcome to visit as long as she is ok with you leaving her to her own devices after
10pm.
Do be open and clear about it before she arrives, that way, she accepts that you will not be keeping her company after that time.
At about 9.50pm start gathering your things.. book, phone etc. and wish her goodnight.
It certainly won't be rude to leave her if she's well aware of your routine beforehand.

Unless you think she'll pinch your silver and flog it to fund her social life, just show her where you keep coffee, tea and snacks and go to bed.

You will have ample time to talk all day, without having to do it half the night as well.

MawBroonssback

My godfather’s mother with whom he shared his house was a formidable but very gracious lady and apparently the first time my parents stayed there, she yawned and said “Well I’m off to bed” and then turned to my mother and added “After you, my dear!”
Mum had no option but to retire !

We've just had my American cousin staying who was definitely not tuned into our time zone. DH just falls asleep on the sofa so there's a hint!
I try to stay awake but she comes alive about midnight.
Then in the morning she's been appearing at 10am. I love her to bits but now she's gone..... I may just turn in now.
If it's a true friend you can tell her.

When people stay at mine, I do tell them that I’m an early to bed person and that I need my sleep. They always just carry on doing what they would normally do at home. Watch tv have a glass of wine. Whatever suits them, and no one has ever taken offence.
When I stay with others, I tell them the same and ask if it would offend them if I went to bed early, and in all honesty, I have never had anyone feel offended. Proof of this is that they ask me back .☺️