Babysitting

That is good to hear.

Just to let everyone know that I have been looking after my grandson now for 6 weeks and it has worked out wonderful.I go to my sons house in the morning before he wakes up and when his parents leave for work I get him up,he doesn’t seem to mind that they are not there.so thank you all for your help

As a childminder and granny minder, I have a few suggestions. Is it possible for you to spend the first day at their home, where the little one is in familiar surroundings?The second is to meet in the street with a pram. Get the mum to settle him into the pram and go for a walk immediately. He probably won’t notice she has gone.

I agree with sending photos and updates to the mum and dad during the day. As he is only coming once a week, you have to be prepared for it to take a little longer for him to settle. Don’t try to compensate by overwhelming him with distractions. The quieter and more matter of fact you are the better. Singing to him or sitting on the floor reading book, or you playing with his toys will likely arouse his curiosity.

Hopefully it won’t be long before he is looking forward to a day at your house.

I had tears from all three of mine when they were a bit older and going to pre school. I used to feel so guilty as I left them crying only to call later to find that they had stopped the minute I disappeared!

My DGS had separation issues when small but got used to being with us in time. maddyone's suggestion of keeping Mum updated via messages (Whatsapp is great!) is a good one

Could you look after him in his own home, or is this not an option? Might be less stressful all round! As others have said it is a phase and has happened to me even when looking after grandsons in their own home. Usually though if they are already upset or unwell. Good luck.

Separation anxiety is a developmental stage he should show, so be reassured he is quite normal!

She shouldn't leave him he should leave her. So - for the trial periods where she is away for a short time make an excuse to take him out rather than letting the poor wee thing watch mummy leave. Its sounds like a tiny difference but psychologically it makes all the difference in the world. Then lots of distraction and all the adults need to man up. He's not being left in a gulag nursery for 15 hours a day...

My son did this years ago. Cried, hanging on to legs. Had to peel him off. I then sobbed all way to work. Soon as I got there would ring, totally wrought. They would say, oh yeh he stopped crying two minutes after you left. Me a wreck, facing long shift. Him fine. Don’t worry. It’s just the handover that’s hard.

Try changing the routine you normally have....when your daughter is leaving... go for a walk all together or something so that your grandchild associating you arriving with his mum going...

Most children in their second year of life go through attachment problems.

For the first 18 months of DS's life I could hand him round like a parcel, he would go to anyone any where and be as sunny and happy as you could want.

Then around 18 months (it can be younger) he suddenly couldn't bear to have me out of his sight. I think every mother has experienced going to the loo, while toddler stands outside the door sobbing and crying for you.

A few months later, the phase passes and it is back to normal.

This is that phase, it will pass. All I can say, is soldier on.

Does she bring him to your house. Is there anyone else that can bring him. When I was 16 I used to pick up two little girls to take to nursery. They were no trouble used to have a cuddle at the door and they were as good as gold all morning till mum picked them up. She took them they screamed and clung to her and then took an hour to calm down once she had left

You still have a few weeks to prepare so based on experience with one of my children in particular, (I couldn't even go to the bathroom without a tantrum and the door being kicked repeatedly). I will share what worked.

If he feels confident that mum is always going to come back to him, then it's likely he'll be reasonably happy.

A brief, but consistent, routine farewell (hug and a kiss) followed by a quick and resolute exit. I resorted to leaving a special treat/small toy with the babysitter, so she had something new to distract her with after I left.

I can't stress enough that the important thing is for your GS to feel reassured that his Mum will always return. If he has an activity that coincides with yours at the end of the day, it will help him if he can connect the two (i.e. I'll meet you back here when you come back from the park). Toddlers don't have a clear reckoning of time, so you need to use a routine activity).

Having said that, coming back while he's still upset or after 5 min (he's just only calmed down) can re-set the drama all over again, because he hasn't had enough time to recover.

Initially, the longer he can be distracted, the more likely he'll remain reasonably happy for the remainder of the day. The more days pass, the sooner he'll adjust.

Best of luck

As has been said, it will just take time. It's a massive shake up in the little one's routine, even if he is being left with a familiar, and loving, family member.

When I was a childminder, I had a 10 month old baby start with me when her mum went back to work. Every day, she would cry as soon as she got to the door, never mind waiting until mum had left - and continued crying almost non stop until mum came back to pick her up again.

This went on for almost a month, and I was just on the verge of saying to mum that I felt she needed to look for another childminder as I really didn't think the little one was going to settle with me, when one day, I opened the door and the little one beamed at me and held her arms out to me.

Mum cried. I cried. And the little one was so bemused by it, that the beaming smile soon turned to tears too.

But we'd turned a corner, and the little one stayed with me for five years. I am friends with her on Facebook now and I can't believe that the little girl I looked after is now at university and a beautiful young woman. (Filling up again now )

I like Marilla's suggestion of the glove puppet. I think distraction will be the key. My granddaughter went to a lovely childminder but when she first went she would cry, and non of that laughing in 5 mins later after tears other posts here have suggested! she would cry for an hour or more!! My daughter was tearing her hair out wondering what to do when suddenly it stopped and it was all due to a dachsund! this little dog just snuggled up to her and she fell in love with the dog! the childminder was great and sent lots of little pictures and videos during the day.

Distraction. Ice cream. Go for a walk.

15 month old son used to cry until I left the room at nursery. The door would click shut, he'd stop. I'd put my ear to the door, not a sound. I still torment him with this, he's nearly 40.

Can you perhaps have him a couple of times week before September. Firstly for half an hour then gradually increase the time. Let mummy kiss him bye bye saying she will be back soon matter of factly even if he cries. Then he will see her going and know she will come.back. Also before then spend lots of time with him with mummy there so he can see you and mummy are goos friends and she trusts you.
It's hard my granddaughter who is a similar age was the same. But use is happy now for us to look after her for several hours in the day time.
Goos luck!

This is a problem that all kindergarten and creche employees know and recognise.

It will take a while before the crying when Mummy leaves stops entirely, but it will once he knows that she will come back.

As others say, let him cry for a while, then have something ready to distract him with - a favourite toy, or get ready to go for a walk with him or adopt BlueBelle's trick. The laundry basket sounds just right.

However hard he cries, and it won’t be forever, it’s far better that he cries in his Granny’s arms and your daughter knows that he is safe. Going back to work is very stressful indeed for her. Create a routine for him to comfort him ie: first we will have a piece of toast, then a drink, then we’ll read a favourite book, then we’ll have a push in the pushchair with a favourite teddy...etc

Some really good ideas here and plenty of support. Hope all goes well.

Put him in the pushchair and take him out straight away to the park or another place where there are similar distractions (toddler group) or, at a last resort, have the tv on for a while. Tell mum not to linger on drop off, or would it actually be better if you did the child minding at her house? After the initial crying and cuddling bit, only pick him up when he STOPS crying, so that is the behaviour you are rewarding

Hi Susan, same reassurance from me really; as long as everyone is happy and presents it as an opportunity the child seems to be fine. I used to say oh good are you coming to play and gs mum handed him over in same spirit and he's always fine! However when his Dad got out of my car the other day gs cried as he hadnt understood a change of plan. They had been going to go together. But I sang and he soon joined in as we drove away. I don't care about others seeing or hearing me I just enjoy the fun times!

Have you tried going to the park with him and your dil, or some other fun place, and then have her walk away whilst you feed the ducks or something? Even a shopping trip where mummy goes into a shop whilst you wait outside on a bench and feed him his lunch or some other distraction but stay in view of the shop doorway and make a fuss when mummy emerges?

As Welshwife has commented often children are better leaving mum, than the other way around - worth a try or is it possible his father could drop him off rather than mum? When I cared for my DG's this was by far the better way, they had no problem with dad leaving them. I ran a pre-school for over 20 years and by far the most difficult children to settle were the boys, but they do - first day is the hardest but eventually they do understand that this is the way it is! Also text mum and send her the odd photo to show how well little one is settling just to reassure her.

Hi . I imagine you must all feel very worried about this . I expect it’ll blow over but...... and just asking in case no one else has thought about it.
Is your daughter in law 100% happy about going back to work? I only ask just in case she feels pressured ( and I know there’s a tremendous amount of pressure these days). Could be some of her feelings are being transmitted to little one?
By the way, I’m more than happy to be wrong . It’s just that it happened to me as a working mum back in the day. Best wishes .x

This community is great never used it before you are all so helpful unfortunately mum and dad are living a hour away from me at the moment until their house has been built which hopefully will be in September.So not that easy for her to keep coming over but we will give all your advice a good go.i think I have learned that I need to build up the time and maybe some earplugs as I can’t bear to hear him sobbing his heart out with real tears.thank you all x