Sister asking for money

Why are you feeling guilty? You've given her 3 perfectly good reasons and she has 'form' for not repaying loans!

Tell your sister that you will consider lending her money, once she has repaid her previous debts she owes you.

She probably doesn’t even know why you don’t want to lend her money. Tell her what you told us above.

Don’t bother or stress about it. My sister was the same, always borrowing large and small amounts and tenner every week, yet I once forgot my purse and asked her if she had enough to lend me for a cup of coffee, she did, 2 days later she asked for it back. I never lent her another penny after that. I always made sure I only just had enough in my purse for myself. She went to my mum every week after that always boring a tenner despite mum giving her £20 for pocket money for the kids. We also. At first, got a local greengrocer to bag up a load of fruit and veg which I picked up every Friday and took to her house. I stopped sharing that cost too. Her husband was an alcoholic and I found out she borrowed the money to buy his booze, she even got my daughter to babysit but he sexually assaulted her, which made me angry with her because she didn’t tell me for years. All I knew was she didn’t want to babysit anymore! Once the money dries up they don’t care about you anymore, my sister hasn’t bothered with me for years!

I've only lent twice and been paid back with no reminders. I wasn't asked but knew it would get her through a difficult time. Since, I've been been by myself, she has been my rock emotionally. Always there for long phone calls. We live 300 miles apart. She took days of her holiday this year to help my husband look after me when I'd had a bad injury.

So yes there are times when there are circumstances when I would lend. But, as others have said fizzers , if I was in your shoes I would have done exactly the same and said "No".

You've been so kind and caring to your daughter. I hope she knows this and doesn't abuse your relationship again. Time to think of yourself fizzers.

I understand you’re probably just venting but I don’t know why you’re even having a nanoseconds doubt. She has repeatedly let you down in the past and thinks she can continue to do so. I have come across people like this before and they have no conscience and know exactly what they’re doing. If she asks why then tell her the truth. Stop being a doormat.

Don't feel bad, you have done exactly the right thing. I have said no to my family in the past, you are not a bank for your sister. Good luck.

It is useless lending anyone money. We never lend it, but always give it, ( if we have to )
If the sister in this case has a history of taking your hard earned cash and not giving it back....then it’s a no brainer.

So you feel bad about saying no. Which everyone is entitled to say - to anything.

It might be helpful to explore why you might be picking up and attaching guilt in this situation. Guilt is a strange thing and often has an origin completely at odds to the current situation. It's ok to say no and also ok not to feel bad about it.
Unless you choose to do so.

"Neither a borrower or a lender be" an old saying which still rings true. IMHO she is overstepping the mark particularly if her income is bigger and she never repays the debt. My sister sponged off my parents for years and regularly took money for herself from my Dad's account when he was in a care home at the end of his life. It left a very sour taste and we are now estranged. You do right to stop this idea that she can ask before it grows into a bigger issue.

tell her you love her BUT you only have a low income [even if you have to lie] . some people are lazy or just want,want all the time and they do not pay back when think you have forgotten.
Please be strong even if they have to go elsewhere to borrow it is not your problem. DO NOT FEEL SORRY FOR THEM although you love them.It is hard to do but it works,I have tried it.

"They " say never loan money that you can't afford to lose. You made the right choice.

Absolutely the right call. You shouldn’t be in trouble because of her history of poor planning

If it were a one off, that’d be one thing, but she has a history of using you.

Coco1......I'm sorry your son felt the need to treat you this way

Years ago my brother and his first wife would borrow money off me then repay it on payday. One week, I had to say no as I was absolutely skint, he was pretty annoyed, but you know what, he never asked again. They split up due to financial problems. He is on his second marriage and they are both very sensible with money, however his first wife is still useless with money! I don’t think some folk ever learn how to handle money, sad but true. Well don’t on refusing, now just stick to your guns!

You should have told her that you were a bit short of cash yourself, and we’re just about to ask her to repay the previous loan.

Tiredoldwoman…..So sorry to hear that

fizzers......you did the right thing for all the right reasons [smile}

Absolutely the right decision, and you must have realised that when you heard about the day out at the theme park which was planned!

Don't feel bad - for all the reasons you gave in your post.

Well done for sticking to your guns. No is no. You don't have to justify it by saying you need the money for something else. It's your money and she's shown from her past actions that she can't be trusted to pay it back.

Someone wise once told me just say "No. That doesn't work for me".
No more, no less. If she asks why you can tell her the reasons or not, but that sentence usually works as a complete shut down.
No "sorry", no excuses. Just "No. That doesn't work for me".

My sister asked me for money out of the blue, last year. I decided not to, as we have always struggled to stay close. I just thought it could add another layer i.e. if I didn't hear from her, like I often don't, it would only make me resent her (more) than I already do (at times).

Just echoing other posts really. You have most definitely done the right thing, but I would add that you now have to do the most difficult part, and that is to stick to your guns. Your sister has gone to your mum in the past , and as you say, your mum is sadly no longer there to help, so she will come to you and I suspect, try to wear you down. She clearly has a track record of financial irresponsibility and you need to send a strong message that she cannot, under any circumstances, expect you to bail her out, especially as you have done it in the past and she made no attempt to pay you back. It’ll be difficult but you have to keep saying no until she gets the message.

She has more income than you, and she's on the cadge? Weird

You absolutely did the right thing

You've made the right decision.

I have once lent one of my children money. Transparency is the key to not falling out, I believe. I told her siblings that I had lent the money (it was less than £1,000). My daughter knew I told them and agreed.

She knew she had to pay it back and did so £100 per month.

Her siblings know they can ask if it's ever necessary. My daughter was temporarily out of work which was why I helped her and, as soon as she was on her feet again, she repaid me.

The OP's sister is not the type to pay money back.

Wow Gillybob that would sure have embarrassed me at the bank. Hope there isn't a next time. If there is I would get your sister to ask your dad herself