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When are you grown up?

(75 Posts)
Jane10 Tue 20-Aug-19 13:23:29

I was at an interesting event today at the Royal Society of Edinburgh. It was a 'conversation' on the topic of being grown up. We discussed round the table whether or not we were grown up and, if we were, when did we decide that we had.
I was the oldest there by a large margin. I had always felt grown up. Obviously a young fogey. I'm the right age at last!
Do other Grans feel grown up? Are there Peter Pans among us?

sharon103 Sat 24-Aug-19 13:59:07

I am grown up but give me a child and I'm as daft as a brush.

HazelG Sat 24-Aug-19 13:36:34

I can't remember exactly when but I was in my forties before I started to feel I had grown up.

henetha Fri 23-Aug-19 10:15:26

Not yet!

AlexG Fri 23-Aug-19 10:08:59

I can remember asking my mother when I should start feeling grown up as I didn't. I would have been late thirties at the time and she would have been mid seventies. Her answer was 'I don't know dear as I don't either'. And went on to say she only felt older when she physically couldn't do something she used to be able to do. Kneeling down being one activity. Now I'm nearly the age she was then and certainly don't feel grown up. But then wonder who the old lady is in the mirror looking back at me!

Eloethan Fri 23-Aug-19 00:36:24

When you are able to deal with difficult situations in a pleasant but assertive way.

When you don't much care what other people think of you.

When you can decline a request or an invitation in a sensitive way but without making up silly excuses - or feeling guilty.

I'm not often able to achieve any of these.

Harris27 Thu 22-Aug-19 21:28:58

When I lost my brother I was 28 and he 37.

Sussexborn Thu 22-Aug-19 21:24:14

I like splashing through puddles but nowadays I make sure I am wearing my wellies. Perhaps that means I am a grown up!

M0nica Thu 22-Aug-19 21:05:35

Why do people think being grown up means not enjoying simple pleasures and having fun or doing things children or much younger people do.

I love Autumn and crunching through great piles of leaves in my wellies. I love liquorice allsorts, going down slides, and splashing through puddles, all entirely compatible with being a grown-up.

stella1949 Thu 22-Aug-19 03:00:01

To me, I became a grownup when I became someone's mother. Once I had my daughter I was responsible for another human being's safety and welfare. That, to me, is being grown up.

Grandma2213 Thu 22-Aug-19 02:17:41

Interesting thread. Life throws stuff at you that you have to deal with. I was a single parent, mortgage, bills, responsible job and extra work to make ends meet. with a few tragedies along the way. Now (finally) retired with responsibilities for looking after DGC. Nevertheless there is a large part of my brain that is immature and looking for simple pleasures and fun. That part of me has never aged.

Luckily DSs recognise this and it is reflected sometimes in what they organise for birthdays and celebrations. They organised a family 'glamping' weekend for my 70th, a helicopter ride, hot air balloon ride, indoor parachute jump, jeep safari trip in Crete, all things I had missed out on during my so called adult years. DS1 bravely remained unembarrassed last month as I leapt up and down enthusiastically during a Halle Last Night concert singing Jerusalem and Land of Hope and Glory at the top of my voice!

I can be child like, grumpy teenager, spoilt brat, over enthusiastic or sensible adult because that is all in me. I suppose it is that it should all manifest at the right and appropriate time.

OPgrndtr Thu 22-Aug-19 01:36:42

I became a grownup when at 29 I became a divorced single working mother of a two year old. Then again I have never quit delighting in crunching dry leaves on the sidewalk.

Jane10 Wed 21-Aug-19 22:08:12

That's just being human I suspect. People can get stuck in a negative cycle of behaviour and be so immersed in the situation that they can't see another way to handle relationships. I suspect that just plain cognitive ability comes into it a lot too.

BradfordLass72 Wed 21-Aug-19 21:00:31

In my 'umble opinion, being 'grown up' is nothing to do with age. Nor is it ceasing to have fun, or not having a laugh or being conventional.

It is showing wisdom when dealing with difficult situations so they don't get worse.

I can't say I am always grown up by any means but I make an effort to understand and improve situations, rather than lash out like a toddler when I'm hurt or insulted.

Tit for tat arguments never, ever improve relationships.
He does or says something I don't like, so I'll do or say something back, just to get revenge or teach him a lesson. Not very mature or grown up, whatever the age.
And little by little, it kills whatever love there was.

I used to come across this all the time when I was a counsellor. People came for help and advice but then told of years of repeated, negative arguments - which they had no intentions of stopping even though it made them and their whole families miserable!

Such a selfish attitude but some people thrive on it .....and being able to complain how badly-done-to they are when nothing gets better.
They get sympathy and then feel justified in their own bad actions. Vicious circle.

Deedaa Wed 21-Aug-19 20:54:25

I'm not sure when we are grown up but I'll let you know when we get there!

Grammaretto Wed 21-Aug-19 20:22:26

I had a rather sad childhood, losing my dad very young and then my DM becoming ill so we children had to act grown up before our time. I was a latchkey kid before the term was known and could cook and do household chores from the age of 10.
A neighbour, a boy my age who I knew growing up, on meeting me much later told me we were not like children! We didn't play like children.
I have tried to make up for that since.
I certainly don't feel my age and often see job adverts and think "I could do that" and then remember my age grin

quizqueen Wed 21-Aug-19 19:56:47

I realised I was a grown up when I had to help my dad nurse my mum before her death, then do the same for him. I was an only child.

GrannySomerset Wed 21-Aug-19 18:33:41

Orphaned at sixteen, I knew there was no safety net if I got things wrong, so I think I have been grown up since then. I regret missing out on a carefree youth, and made sure my own children had a lot more fun than I did, but I was lucky enough to marry the right man at twenty and did things back to front, starting with a degree at 34 when this was much less common.

BlueSapphire Wed 21-Aug-19 18:26:09

I am definitely not grown up! And I am 74! I still think and feel the same inside as I have done all my life. I am still waiting for the day when I become all-knowing and wise, but I don't think it's going to be any time soon. I think my DD is wiser and a lot more grown up than me.

DanniRae Wed 21-Aug-19 18:00:29

Grown up? I'll let you know when I get there grin

brawlass Wed 21-Aug-19 16:41:57

When I realised there was no elderly relative left to answer questions about our family history and I was now that "elderly" relative!

GreenGran78 Wed 21-Aug-19 16:41:38

I also feel that my daughters are more grown up than me. It is probably because of their time of life. When my children were young, and my time was taken up with so many responsibilities I probably WAS a grown-up.
Now that I am an 80 year-old pensioner who answers to no-one, does housework when (and if) I feel like it, and come and go as I please I think that I have reverted to being a happy-go-lucky youngster again.

Gad3 Wed 21-Aug-19 14:26:21

Oh minniemoo. You are so right!

CaroDane Wed 21-Aug-19 14:06:41

I have never felt grown up at all. I don't think I'm there yet. I have HATED getting older and loathe birthdays. Recently I was horrified when a man I considered to be a similar age to myself, stepped aside and told his grandson to let the old lady get on first.
It was all I could do not to kick him!

M0nica Wed 21-Aug-19 13:45:48

Being impatient, silly, irresponsible etc has nothing to do with being grown up, those are merely traits of characters. According to DH I am still in the childhood 'Why? stage, I am always asking 'Why' when he or anyone elses says something. I am also cack handed and bounce through life like a friendly Tigger. None of that has anything to do whether I am grown up or not.

As far as I an concerned growing up is about taking responsibility for your own life and those dependent on you in any way.

dogsmother Wed 21-Aug-19 13:36:21

I sometimes think my youngest is more of a grown up than I’ve ever been.!