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Such a bad day - just a weepy heap

(314 Posts)
Luckygirl Tue 17-Sep-19 16:41:26

Having a really bad time today. Just having serious discussions with family and OH about him going to a nursing home - it is getting to the point where we are struggling to maintain his care at home even with live-in. He grasps that too in his non-paranoid moments. He said he understood but would "treasure every moment" he has left at home with me. That broke my heart. It is unbearable - watching him falling to pieces before my eyes. I really just don't think I can deal with this today - I have no reserves left. And no privacy to be a temporary weeping heap. Just don't know where to turn.

Auntieflo Thu 03-Oct-19 16:30:52

Luckygirl I am so glad that you finally found a caring, comfortable home for your DH, and that he seems happy to be there. The relief must be immense. I do hope that your finances can be dealt with and sorted out satisfactorily, without having to sell your home.
I seem to remember when you were looking for it, if I remember correctly, and that you were so pleased with it.
Like others, I hope you are now a bit more rested, after all the hoops that you had to jump through.
Take care.

Ginny42 Thu 03-Oct-19 16:21:35

Glad he's getting such excellent care. You couldn't have gone on very much longer trying to do everything yourself. It's impossible for one person to do the work of a team of experts. You have chosen well and hope you can find a solution to the finances which is best for you. Take care. x

GrannySomerset Thu 03-Oct-19 16:06:40

Hope all this means your own sleep patterns are becoming more normal and that you are a bit less stressed, though the thought of having to move can’t be helping. I think of you often and hope you can feel,happier.

Luckygirl Thu 03-Oct-19 16:02:38

Thank you.

Once I can get the finances sorted I will be able to relax - well, I say relax, but sorting the finances could include selling this bungalow, so I doubt that will be particularly relaxing!

Just back from the nursing home and he is fine - showered, been to the on-site hairdresser, had lunch with a glass of shandy, been visited by the GP nurse practitioner etc. Now off to sleep for a bit. Nights are difficult because of pain and also paranoia, but someone comes and sits with him when he is feeling bad. All good there so far.

grannyqueenie Thu 03-Oct-19 00:31:28

Good to read that the move went well and that your dh is settling in. Sighs of relief all round for you all, especially that he’s not upset when you leave. Hopefully you’ll start to feel the benefit in your own health and well-being, lucky

gillybob Tue 01-Oct-19 16:15:18

That is so good to hear Lucky and must be a huge relief and comfort to you and your family . I hope you can get some well earned rest and let yourself be “cared for” for a change .

Luckygirl Tue 01-Oct-19 15:30:28

He is settling in; and does not get distressed when I leave, which is a huge relief. He is very sleepy and very weak, but thankfully not unhappy.

kittylester Tue 01-Oct-19 06:11:41

Good news lucky, I hope you are getting some time to rest.

BradfordLass72 Tue 01-Oct-19 05:20:02

I'm reli3ved to hear that the Big Move has finally taken place with very little drama. What a huge relief it will be to you and all the family, Lucky.

No doubt this is what Billy Connolly's family are facing too, so a good choice of reading matter.

Time now to get yourself well again flowers

cornergran Mon 30-Sep-19 23:20:14

Your last post is so heartening to read*lucky*, you do sound lighter. It sounds the best of beginnings. Sleep well. You deserve to and my love to you all, it’s been a hard road.

PageTurner Mon 30-Sep-19 21:47:26

*Luckygirl*, I've been reading your posts all along, and thinking of you and your DH.
I'm so happy that you have found a very good care home for him and that he seems to be settling in with very few issues.
My best to you both.??

Jane10 Mon 30-Sep-19 19:38:17

This is wonderful to hear. I've been worrying!
Sounds so encouraging. Just need a premium bond win!

M0nica Mon 30-Sep-19 19:08:45

Luckygirl I am glad that a solution acceptable to all has been reached. These crisis times are so difficult, but you had to protect yourself as well as look after your DH.

I am sure you will quickly fall into a new routine, knowing that your DH is being looked after qualified people trained for the job.

GrannySomerset Mon 30-Sep-19 19:05:17

Have been thinking about you for several days and am so relieved that it looks as if things are going right at last. Just having carers who know what they’re doing must give him confidence, and he is still the professional he always was and will respond to that.

Hope things continue to go well.

Summerlove Mon 30-Sep-19 19:01:55

I’m so very, very pleased to hear this.

What a relief for you

Luckygirl Mon 30-Sep-19 18:58:17

Thank you. It was a good visit. He opted to go to a meeting of residents - to my great surprise! The carers were lovely and helpful - moving him from A to B is very challenging.

During this meeting (only 4 residents there) they were told that a group of children were coming on halloween and that the residents could help them with their craft activities if they would like to. Organiser turned to OH and asked if he liked children and, quick as a flash, he said: " yes - but I can only eat one at a time!" - now that is the old OH!!!! It was very heartening to hear this; and makes me feel that he is feeling secure.

I asked him a bit about how he felt he was settling and he was quite happy and had no grumbles.

So.......a good start; fingers crossed that this lasts.

Summerlove Mon 30-Sep-19 14:46:44

I hope you were able to enjoy the rest of your day yesterday, and that you have a lovely visit today.

midgey Sun 29-Sep-19 15:36:12

Enjoy your afternoon of peace, so very pleased that at least physically things are working out for your DH.

Jane10 Sun 29-Sep-19 14:42:08

You'll be able to settle in to more of a routine during the week.
A bath! Wonderful. ?

Luckygirl Sun 29-Sep-19 13:59:00

I had planned to go in to see him this afternoon when all the general hubbub of getting him up, dressed and showered would be over, but they rang early to say he did not have one of his heart drugs there - he should have had as I know I took them in! But I managed to find some in the cupboard so went straight in with them - all well now, phew!

Various DDs and their families appeared and it was pretty chaotic one way and another, so I have slipped away and left them to it. I am hoping that by tomorrow things will be more peaceful and I can have some quiet time with him.

He does seem OK though - very anxious last night but calmer now - and..he....has..had..a..bath!!!!! The first for a very long time. He found it a bit painful because of his sore back; but he survived it; and he was fine when I left him with the DDs, whom he loves dearly. But he will need a sleep at some point!

This afternoon I plan to lie on the sofa and listen to the wonderful Radio 3 afternoon programmes, whilst reading a book by Billy Connolly - that should cheer anyone up!

Jane10 Sun 29-Sep-19 13:43:59

Glad he's safe and comfortable and all the stress of the day to day nursing care you've had is now on other shoulders. You can go back to being his loving wife and your visits will be so enjoyable for you both.

Doodle Sun 29-Sep-19 13:39:17

Hope DH is well settled in today lucky . Hope he is comfortable and well looked after.

Nannylovesshopping Sat 28-Sep-19 22:31:22

and breathe....... sleep well

Bathsheba Sat 28-Sep-19 22:26:29

So pleased to see you've made it Lucky and yes, of course there will be things that will upset you during the transition process, but it is done, you know he is safe, being cared for properly, and these little upsets will gradually be smoothed out. And the weight will start to lift from your shoulders.

Sleep well tonight flowers

Auntieflo Sat 28-Sep-19 22:25:26

Luckygirl, well done.
Night, night, sleep tight and {{{hugs}}} to you.