Friend is alway late

What irritates me is people who know they are always late but make no attempt to change their ways. They are almost proud of the fact that they keep others waiting.
I, too, have a friend who comes to visit (50 miles) and is always an hour late but she doesn't care if I'm an hour late when I visit her (I tried it once). So I can't win!

CleoP your response is a delight. I'm with you completely. I have one son who has this problem but I openly confess I would wait forever just to meet up with him. Others I learn by experience and act according to their importance in my life. Once, when we were discussing some of our childrens' lesser good traits here, I remember someone saying 'Well, YOU reared them!' Fact is we only give good foundation, grounding and habits and hope they will be continued. Seems I've failed with one on the timekeeping issue! Confess it used to irritate me but now I don't give a fig and build my experience into my day.

I have a friend like this. We occasionally meet in London (half-way for both of us). She is always late and the last time after waiting for an hour I phoned her home to be told by her husband ‘she’s just left’. When I said that we were meeting an hour ago, he said ‘yes she knew she was late’!!! I now hesitate to meet up again.

I had a friend who was always half an hour late for everything. She knew it, too.

When I asked about it she said 'Everyone asks me why I'm always late. I think it's because I'm an optimist so I don't leave early enough!'.

She didn't change though!

Another acquaintance was furious if I turned up on time or (Heaven help me) five minutes late. She expected me to be early!

Both my sisters are always late. One of them used to use the excuse that she always had to be on time for work and meetings so she hated to be tied to time at the weekends too. Although I didn't like it, I put up with it until I went to work for her and found she was just as bad there. Many times we have been sitting at the table waiting for her and when we've rung to find out where she is she hasn't even left home although she lives a couple of hours away. The one time she did turn up early, she took the kids and dogs out for a walk. Once again we were waiting for her at the dinner table. When she returned, there was no explanation but later my kids explained that she'd taken the kids on a long walk and then stopped to buy them chips. She made them make a promise to keep that a secret but my kids know we don't do secrets so told me. To say I was furious was an understatement but I knew it would get me nowhere to challenge her behaviour; she would just explode.

I think it's inconsiderate too, but one of my AC is the worst offender for us. She hasn't been brought up like that, and her siblings don't do it so we do not understand how she got like it.

Sorry but I think it is just plain RUDE!

We all have one of these, don't we?

The trick of telling the person an early time than the one you really mean does work, usually.

Otherwise, if this person's friendship is valuable to you, you will need to grin and bear it and certainly not rush to get to the appointed place on time yourself. I would suggest meeting in a library, where I could employ my time usefully until she turned up!

If she is just a casual acquaintance, drop her.

People have called me White Rabbit...I find it difficult to get anywhere on time.

...and with my ex-friend it's just her. Her mum, her brothers, her sister, her dad...always punctual so it's not a learned habit from family.

It probably doesn't help that I'm almost pathological about being on time...for job interviews and the like I'm usually an hour early, never late for GP/hospital appointments (although that's usually because it's such a faff getting an appointment in the first place). I'd rather kill time with a book than be in a frantic, stressed rush. I'm OK about people being late but not when it's every bloomin' time over decades.

We all have/had a friend like that. Whatever time you give her to meet up, don’t you arrive till half an hour later and it’ll balance itself out !

Why fib and give an early time and get there "late"? A friend who I see occasionally, is nearly always late - I leave after 30 minutes if she's not there. It concentrates the mind wonderfully.

The habit starts early. Children who live just across the road from school are frequently late-their Mums drop them off with “I didn’t realise the time.” Some are always late for pick up, not those who occasionally have been held up by an accident etc. but those who are almost always chatting to friends across the road and suddenly realise that other parents are walking past with their offspring. If that’s what you see, that’s what you do (unless it drive you mad as a child and you do the opposite).

Lovely post CleoPanda, not sure I could manage to do that every time with a repeat offender?
Nigh on half an hour on most occasions is just disrespectful.

People eh? Some are early, some are late. If you don’t really want to be bothered with a latey, give up on them.
If you like the person, forgive their foibles. Arrange to meet at least 10 minutes earlier than you expect to arrive. Always arrange to meet inside a place you can wait comfortably in. Take a book, a kindle, a newspaper, your diary, whatever. Enjoy their company when they turn up.
If waiting for an otherwise lovely friend is too much, don’t bother.
Weigh up the pros and cons.
I have a perpetually latey friend, it’s part of her scatterbrained but wonderful personality. I love seeing her, but always expect her to be late. As soon as she turns up, we are giggling like schoolgirls for the next hour. Couldn’t miss out on that!

I think people who do this have some sort of psychological issue, a neurosis of some sort. I don’t think it can be simply explained as selfishness, rudeness, attention seeking and so on. It does affect others but they are not able to recognise this or change. I expect they bear the consequences in suffering other people’s anger, lost friendships and so on. Also the underlying issues that give rise to this sort of neurotic behaviour are probably not good. If you like them enough, find strategies or put up. If you can’t cope with it, move on. Though it affects you, it’s not really about you. It’s about them.

There is a simple answer arrange to meet at 10.30 and turn up nearer to 11.00am - why stress when it's a comment habit of your friend's and not yours. It doesn't sound like she will change.

One of my friends was like that and it drove me mad!! She never apologised. I was ill and I didn't hear from her. I stopped running after her and didn't hear from her again!! Just move on.

I often leave it to the last minute to actually get myself ready but I'm rarely late and never give an excuse.
I missed the last bus once (it never arrived after breaking down a few stops before mine) so I rang a taxi then rang friends to let them know.
Following day I billed Stagecoach for the taxi fare after ringing them.
They sent a cheque for £7, the full fare.

Missed the first act of a play waiting for a friend who is never on time - she had the tickets ? No real explanation when she turned up. Never again!

I had a similar friend. Then once I was late because of bus issues and she was furious. Her partner was there because she wasnt allowed to wait on her own (busy public area in broad daylight)!! I made a flippant remark about how it made a change for it not to be her who was late and it went down like a lead balloon. That was the last time we met until she wanted something from me

I live in a rural area so getting to meet friends on time can be difficult, due the variable traffic conditions. However, I always try to get there on time, sometimes I am late, sometimes I am early.

One friend, who lives about 10 minutes drive from where we usually meet is almost always late which is frustrating when I have battled through heavy traffic for 45 minutes - it seems the closer you live to a meeting place the more likely you are to be late!

Just such bad manners....

I'm with vissos - arrange to meet half an hour earlier