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Friend is alway late

(68 Posts)
fizzers Mon 23-Sep-19 19:25:36

So I arranged to meet my friend in Costa today, she was half an hour late!, in fact she is always late, anything from a few minutes to half an hour, there's alway a good excuse, traffic was bad, car wouldn't start, couldn't find a parking space

If I can be on time why can't she? it's beginning to get on my nerves

Greenfinch Mon 23-Sep-19 19:32:56

I understand your frustration.I hate being late for anything or keeping anybody waiting.Why don't you try turning up half an hour late next time?

vissos Mon 23-Sep-19 19:38:32

I had a friend like that. I would always tell him half an hour before the actual time. Worked a treat.

Fiachna50 Mon 23-Sep-19 21:24:09

I have a similar friend, I no longer suggest meetups. Not being nasty but it was getting to the stage it was a waste of my time. I just keep in touch by email, text or cards. The longest I sat was up to an hour, never again and as you say, there is always an excuse. Mistook, the time, lost track of time etc Yet, could always turn up for other people or events on time. Don't get me wrong, lovely person but I just felt I was the one making all the effort. One sided friendships don't work.

Esther1 Mon 23-Sep-19 21:50:45

I am very very punctual and have a similar friend to you. We would arrange a time to meet in Costa, I would get there, queue up and buy a coffee and wait and wait for her - and then get a message to say she was ‘running late and just leaving her house now!!’ Grrr - I would think of all the errands in town I could be getting done. I have got round this by saying to her ... ‘message me when you’re leaving your house’ knowing that we both take about the same length of time to drive into town and park. This way I can carry on getting things done at home without wasting time. It works really well.

Newquay Mon 23-Sep-19 21:54:16

Mm-how rude! As OP says just say the wrong time and/or say text me.

LondonGranny Mon 23-Sep-19 22:02:55

I had a friend like that. We went to primary school together and our mums were best friends. I always used to joke to my kids to tell her when I died my funeral was an hour earlier than it really was.
As it happens she was so late for my mum's funeral that she even missed the sandwiches in the hall afterwards and flustered in, full of excuses (but no apology) when we were clearing up.
Even her mum (in the early stages of dementia) managed to get there in good time under her own steam. I didn't say anything but I was really extremely hurt. I just stopped inviting her for anything and I haven't seen her for years. I don't think she has even noticed, she's so wrapped up in herself.

fizzers Tue 24-Sep-19 09:52:14

oh LondonGranny that was awful, surely she could've made an effort for such an important date? I would've been gutted.

Bridgeit Tue 24-Sep-19 10:16:44

No excuse , especially with mobile phones.
If it happened again I would leave a note/ send a text saying, sorry I can’t wait any longer.

LondonGranny Tue 24-Sep-19 10:23:52

fizzers, my mum lived in Scotland at the end of her life but 99.9% of her friends and family were in London so we arranged for the funeral to be down here, in the church her children were christened in and where she (despite being agnostic-ish) had been very involved in parish events and so her elderly friends could attend. We couldn't have made it easier. It's not as if ex-friend had to schlepp all the way up past Ayr.

luluaugust Tue 24-Sep-19 10:38:14

I'm another one who certainly turns up on time, if not early, I do appreciate that one particular friend has a funny idea of time, so I just get a coffee sit down and wait. Now I'm wondering should I? Living in the SE doesn't help as everybody can blame the traffic anyway.

00mam00 Tue 24-Sep-19 11:07:25

I had a friend like that, always arriving late so that she could be the centre of attention. For my 60th I said I would have a dinner party at home, please arrive 7.00 for drinks, dinner served at 8. They arrived at 8 in a big flurry. When I said I need to serve up now, she said, oh no, let’s have a drink first.

After many other instances like that I finally stopped seeing her, she was driving me demented with her selfishness and attention seeking.

inishowen Tue 24-Sep-19 11:10:59

My husband is always late. It's part of him. I learned years ago to expect him half an hour later than he says. My pet hate is he'll stop to answer the phone if we're on our way out. I'll say leave it, he says it might be important.

jenni123 Tue 24-Sep-19 11:13:43

What she is telling you is that she feels her time is much more important than yours. I hate being late, I would arrive 20 - 30 mins early rather than be 5 mins late. Tell her how you feel. Next time she said she will meet you at 10.30 don't arrive until 11, see how she likes it. If it annoys you that much, stop meeting her, It is just bad manners to do this,

Craftycat Tue 24-Sep-19 11:20:01

I was brought up on maxim that better an hour early than a minute late.
It drives me mad when people are late but I have learnt to always tale my Kindle with me & if I am sitting waiting I can at least amuse myself.
Have you noticed people who are late very rarely apologise or think it is a bad thing!

lovebeigecardigans1955 Tue 24-Sep-19 11:22:39

I like to be punctual and am routinely the first to arrive. Esther has given good advice.

There was a thread on MN where a poster's husband was so annoyed at a friend's habitual lateness he told the doorman to turn them away - at a wedding for heaven's sake, giving them 'what for' and their friendship ended there.

Most of the time we don't have to be so extreme. Your friendship can survive but it requires give and take, but mostly on your side, I fear.

Newatthis Tue 24-Sep-19 11:23:03

Ooops - I'm a latey! Much as I try to make an effort to be on time it doesn't seem to happen. We have some friends who will tell us they would like us to come to dinner half an hour earlier than they actually want us so we would get there on time. Try that - it might work!

chezza1 Tue 24-Sep-19 11:25:32

Years ago I arranged to meet a friend who was notorious for always being late. At her request we were to meet outside the cafe. I stood for at least 30 minutes waiting for her even though the weather was cold and wet. Getting fed up I decided to go inside and started to queue to get a drink. Friend wafted in and as she passed me asked me to get her a drink and sat down at a table to wait for it and me. I never arranged to meet her again and told her why. She laughed.

Want2Help Tue 24-Sep-19 11:43:30

I'm with vissos - arrange to meet half an hour earlier

Vintagegirl Tue 24-Sep-19 11:44:41

Just such bad manners....

Beckett Tue 24-Sep-19 11:46:19

I live in a rural area so getting to meet friends on time can be difficult, due the variable traffic conditions. However, I always try to get there on time, sometimes I am late, sometimes I am early.

One friend, who lives about 10 minutes drive from where we usually meet is almost always late which is frustrating when I have battled through heavy traffic for 45 minutes - it seems the closer you live to a meeting place the more likely you are to be late!

Riggie Tue 24-Sep-19 11:48:16

I had a similar friend. Then once I was late because of bus issues and she was furious. Her partner was there because she wasnt allowed to wait on her own (busy public area in broad daylight)!! I made a flippant remark about how it made a change for it not to be her who was late and it went down like a lead balloon. That was the last time we met until she wanted something from me

Funnygran Tue 24-Sep-19 11:59:49

Missed the first act of a play waiting for a friend who is never on time - she had the tickets 😤 No real explanation when she turned up. Never again!

GabriellaG54 Tue 24-Sep-19 12:02:44

I often leave it to the last minute to actually get myself ready but I'm rarely late and never give an excuse.
I missed the last bus once (it never arrived after breaking down a few stops before mine) so I rang a taxi then rang friends to let them know.
Following day I billed Stagecoach for the taxi fare after ringing them.
They sent a cheque for £7, the full fare.

whywhywhy Tue 24-Sep-19 12:03:32

One of my friends was like that and it drove me mad!! She never apologised. I was ill and I didn't hear from her. I stopped running after her and didn't hear from her again!! Just move on.