grieving sister in law

thank you all for the lovely replies, i knew i could rely on Gransnetters to help me.

My oldest friend texts or WhatsApps me first and last thing every day, more if it's a bad day. I can't tell you how much this means to me, and I now do it for others, especially in the early stages of grief. Ask her if she'd like this. Good luck,

My sympathy to you both.

Could you perhaps invite your SIL for a short stay to coincide with the anniversaries of his birthday and his death? You might both find it comforting to be someone who is also missing him and grieving for him, as you will certainly both be think of him on both days.

Tell her that she is welcome to ring whenever she is missing him especially much as you understand completely.

I lost my husband very suddenly 11 years ago next Sunday.,followed 16 months later by the suicide of my younger daughter,aged 33 and the mother of two then very young daughters., Now 14 and almost 12.Those two lovely girls and my elder daughter are my only ‘blood’ ‘ family.My other two lovely grandchildren are adopted.I think you are doing the right thing by just being there for your SIL. My two SILs were 20+ years older than my DH and both gone before him.
I soon found out who my real friends were and it was good to know they were there to talk to ,although they all still had their partners. Being alone remains difficult with ‘only the walls ‘ to talk to at home. I think your SIL is fortunate to have you ,even though neither you ,nor anyone else can perform magic to take away the pain. Just being there for her counts for a great deal I believe.