Is being quiet and sensitive a good thing?

You say you have been told you are quiet and sensitive. What do you think yourself? You say you kept bringing up the fact you were being bullied, so you haven’t been that quiet. You seem to be wondering if it is a criticism, because you ask if it is a bad thing. If others say someone is sensitive it can be a criticism. It can imply over sensitive. This can be used as a way of denying that someone is being hurt or bullied. You will have to decide what to think yourself. But bullying often involves gaslighting which makes people doubt their own judgement and believe they are at fault and deserve the abuse they are getting. Being bullied and ostracised is horrible. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Unfortunately it is a very common human behaviour and most people encounter it at some point. You seem to have dealt well with it. The manager didn’t do their job properly. No-one should be told they are toxic. It sounds as if you may have been made a scape goat. This comes about because of insecurities of others. It is the social relationships in your work place that have been toxic. Hopefully your new work place won’t have that dynamic. Good luck.

Ineedamum

I don’t wish to sound rude, but could it be that you’re reading too much into situations.

My daughter always thinks people at work are talking about her, they probably aren’t, but so what if they are?

She always thinks we, her family, are arranging things behind her back, and excluding her, we certainly aren’t!

Maybe just possibly, things aren’t as bad as you think.

I'm glad I'm not the only one!

Someone once said that because I'm sensitive - I have a 'heart' and am 'human'. I try to remember that but it's not easy!

Be yourself.

Ineedamum .When younger,especially as a young child,I was very quiet and sensitive .I have gradually become more assertive with age and life’s knocks. I am still sensitive ,but will now speak up about things which bother me. I still believe that it is much nicer to be quiet and sensitive ,than to be over confident and probably not very pleasant to others at times. I guess your friends and workmates would much prefer you to such a person.Try not to let any of them bully you ,thinking they can get away with it because you may not challenge them about it.

Remember what peace there is in silence. I should imagine that you have a calming effect on those around you x

Sensitive people can be a delight. Over-sensitive though is a different matter.

Thanks everybody. I've taken that quiz and I definitely have some traits of being a highly sensitive person and am introverted.

I was told I'm quiet and sensitive outside work, but issues in work have definitely affected me, so I couldn't see the positive in this!

In work I was constantly being gossiped about behind my back, ignored, excluded and "forgotten" about on a daily basis. Witnesses said it was a group mentality which continued so new staff members felt obliged to join in.

I raised it many times with the manager who wasn't interested, so I continued raising the issues and he eventually saying I was paranoid, always complaining and I'm toxic.

I'm starting a better job soon, so starting a new job when I'm quiet is naturally a bit daunting!

We need quiet and sensitive. Even more so today.

It's such a pity that a quiet and sensitive person has actually been driven to ask if she's at fault!

Some of the world's great thinkers, poets and artists have been exactly that.

Rejoice in who you are

One of my daughters is super sensitive, though definitely not quiet, she sees slights and criticism everywhere, she reads things into comments that her family, her friends, her colleagues say, that simply aren’t there.

She’s far from shy, would fight anyone who hurt her children, but carries the same sensitivity into their lives, seeing things that aren’t there.

I think it’s lovely to be kind and sensitive, but you still need to be a bit tough in life.

Being quiet and sensitive has not done me any favours. But very often people do confide in me when in trouble... because I am empathetic at the time, so useful to them. Then tend to disappear when they are ok again.

I tend to be cooperative, passive and helpful but have felt used a lot. Assertiveness has backfired in the past.

But I'd rather be me than bullying, over confident/arrogant, competitive and loud. I walk away from those personalities and I just seek out other quiet people. It makes life more pleasant.

As already been said, being quiet opens one up to being picked on, bullied and taken advantage of and used as a doormat at times.
Being too sensitive I think makes us worry too much in my experience.
I think as we grow older and experience all sorts of situations in life, we grow wiser and learn to be assertive and have the ability to speak up for ourselves in a way that is honest and respectful without being aggressive.
You've had your confidence shattered. Get back up and start again.
By the way, well done for sticking it out for 12 months. I would have been long gone.

I think it depends on what you mean by 'sensitive'. I had a colleague who said she was sensitive, and hated conflict; but what she meant was that if she didn't get her own way in everything she would cry and give the silent treatment (to 'avoid conflict'). In a professional situation, it was a nightmare.
If a manager took her to task, she claimed to be being bullied, and took time off every time there was a stressful meeting or something she didn't want to do.

I'm not saying you are like this, ineedamum; but it is an infuriating way to behave, and very difficult to deal with.

So no, it is not wrong to be sensitive, but it can be awkward for other people if sensitivity is used as an excuse.

I've been accused of being too sensitive all my life. I recently read The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron. I'm not a freak! Let's embrace this quality. I really recommend the book.

Absolutely nothing wrong with being quiet and sensitive indeedamum You probably get your point across just as successfully as anyone else. Don't change to suit others just be yourself.

Nope - I’m the one who always calls the passive/aggressive thing. It’s so bullying and I can’t stand picking on vulnerable who won’t stand up for themselves.

Equally I encourage folks to stand up and be counted because no one defends you better than you’ll defend you and yours. When bullies find a target they’ll shrink a little more before they move on and eventually look within to solve their problems.

I am sort of shy I will not be walked over in life if someone hurts my family . I would like to be more out spoken but I am careful I will make myself look foolish and be ridiculed, but I am getting to age where I am beginning to not care what other people think but it is hard

There's a term in business called toxic handler- This is someone who is expected to be the individual employees turn to and "unload"-

Someone who is considered a good listener could actually be a toxic handler type person- Meaning they become toxic from "just listening"- Not much dialogue, or questioning- And no outlet of their own- It all gets internalized -

Thank you x

Fighting back can really take it out of you, if your nature is more towards the introverted type.
Even if no actual action is needed, just recovering from some sort of knock can be very hard.
Clearly, it can be good in some circumstances to be quiet and sensitive, but not in others.

ineedamum In fact you have won this battle by using the right tactics and you should be proud of yourself. Rather than letting it undermine your self esteem.
Well done .
Bullies always need to be opposed, but how it's done depends on the situation and the nature of the person bullied.

When others see you as different, it's their problem not yours.

I think it depends. If it comes from a lack of confidence and shyness it is not always a good thing. My DD was always so and was bullied at school and work because she allowed it. It wasn't until she got married at 39 that she gained the confidence to stand up for herself and not be trodden on.

I’ve read the above and yes it took a while for me to stick up for myself and I’m friendly at work but do hold back a little with my privacy. Think it’s not a bad thing.

I would much prefer to have a quiet and sensitive person as a friend than any other. Do not try to change your true self for anyone else.

Others may try to take advantage, but they are definitely the ones with a problem, not you.

You say that others have now realised that you were in no way to blame - more fool them for not picking up on this sooner.

I hope things at work become calmer and easier for you. .